To be upset by these comments about my 19 month old

[SadBrows]

My 2 DC (5 and 19 months) go out with their gran once a week. Yesterday they went to an amusement park and when they were dropped home, their nan's boyfriend wouldn't stop going on about how much of a pain my 19 month old is. That he eats too much, won't stop running off in that wrong direction, is hard work and that when he picked him up he bit him so hard that he "drew blood and nearly dropped him". I feel like an absolutely crap mum now and like my son is just a nuisance. He is a very active little boy but pretty easy I would say. Nursery have never had any problems etc. He is biting at the moment, which they are aware of and I am trying my best to deal with. It's now been suggested that they want to only have DS 2 times a month so that my older child doesn't "miss out". No point to this post really, just feeling a bit down and like a crap mother. :(

@Shockingstocking

I wouldn't send my child to be around someone's boyfriend without personally supervising it.

I wouldn't let my child spend time away from me with someone who didn't seem to like them and didn't want to have them.

I would get into a situation where a grandparent was closer/spent more time with one child than the other.

In your position, I'd tell my mom that it was clearly best if she and I spent an afternoon with both children together, just ourselves. As it was clear that the boyfriend couldn't cope/didn't want to cope. That's all Id offer. And I'd make it clear that there was to be no more criticising.

This!!! PLUS I wouldn't let someone near a young child who is spouting out all that negative dripfeed. I had certain relatives who did that and were surprised when the child, who understood everything the idiots were saying, got upset and acted up. Misery for the child and it makes me cross when I see people doing that to kids now.

I agree with @Thymeout’s measured response

A5 yr old and a lively toddler at a theme park on a bank holiday would be a trial for anyone, even their mother. I expect they thought the toddler would sit quietly in his buggy when they had to queue or walk from one attraction to another.

I think it's a good idea to split them up occasionally so they can do more grown up things with the older child. The toddler's time will come when he's 5 and the older child loses interest in Peppa Pig or whatever.

My 5 gc range from 6 to 17. Sometimes I have them all at once at my house so the cousins can get to know each other, but I do special outings by age-group and try to get some one to one time with the older ones.

Just chalk it down to experience and try not to make an issue out of it.

Suggest that it's obviously too much for them to have both kids together. Therefore you'll cancel the Monday visits for the foreseeable.

Lol, what? What a tosser.

Hopefully, your Mum sees fit to drop him from the outings - not your son!

Don't blame your little boy for biting him! With that attitude, I would have done too!

To be fair OP I have found that as I get older or rather my kids get older I dont have the same patience and tolerance for younger kids like I used to.They are hard work,bless em! I am sure your little one is delightful but I can see also its not an easy age to grapple with.Maybe it was an off day,I dont know but our kids have kids themselves now and as much as I love them and I do I am always glad when they go home! They wear me out.They are noisy and demanding and its fun for a few hours but after that my patience starts to go.This is a reflection on them though like me and not on your children or your parenting abilities.Just another point of view...

Toddlers are feral so I can see why they would be worn out after having them for the day. The negative comments aren't on though.

Ask your mum directly what she would prefer to do moving forward.

Blimey-they are both younger than me!

It does sound as if they don't want to take them out for the day again.

How were they supposed to be stopping the toddler running off?

Buggy?
Holding hands?
Reins?

The food comment sounds odd.

@Justmuddlingalong

Suggest that it's obviously too much for them to have both kids together. Therefore you'll cancel the Monday visits for the foreseeable.

Why must they have them both together or not at all?

I wouldn’t leave my kids with someone who didn’t like them. Especially a non- relative.

... so your toddler behaved like a toddler and your nan's boyfriend couldn't cope.

Ignore him. Tell you nan you can't trust him with your toddler if he doesn't understand what toddlers are actually like.

You’re not a crap mother (well, based on this post, clearly I don’t know you IRL ).

However, I don’t need to know your man’s boyfriend to know that he doesn’t know much about toddlers.

He can choose not to spend much time with the toddler of course, although hopefully your nan won’t want to see him less, but other than that his comments are not valid.

Your youngest sounds completely normal. My sons are teens but my nephew is now 3. I found my nephew full on because I don't have to see it or deal with it day in day out. I wasn't even looking after him just visiting for the day. They never stop moving

You do get out of the habit and routine so although your Nan's boyfriend has a teen they pretty much look after themselves.

It is a shit thing to do to complain to you about it though. I have looked after my friend's newborn whilst she took her eldest to a party, at no stage did I tell her her child started crying the second she left and cried for a full 30 minutes and only stopped the second her car pulled onto the drive. When she left she was asleep, when she returned she was asleep. What good would it have done to tell her the truth?

How long have your Mum & this muppet been together?