AIBU to think 8 month old DS isn't behind?

[Putmynewshoeson]

8 month old DS was born just on the cusp of premature.

He can stand when we hold his hands, has been able to for ages. He can sit independently but wants to crawl so more often than not sirs for a few seconds then rolls into his front. He can sit quite well until he gets distracted by a toy or something and tries to reach it or move and then ends up wobbling or toppling.
He can hold his own bottle when the mood takes him.
He holds toys and puts them in his mouth and moved them hand to hand. He puts his dummy in and out - at night he finds his dummy and puts it back in his mouth
He can roll both ways and does it frequently especially during nappy changes 🤪
He's not crawling yet but really trying and not pulling himself up on things, doesnt really try and step when he stands with support. He doesn't copy us or clap or wave or stick his tongue out.

He is very engaged and smiley, babbles lots and 'talks' to us. Loves playing with us, is fascinate by playing boo, the guitar, loves watching baby sensory and nursery rhymes

I went to a kind of baby group on Friday after they had been closed for ages (still socially distanced more for the mum's) and one of the mums made a comment that he had really fallen behind during lockdown.

Granted a few of the other babies were poking their tongues out and sitting up a bit more steadily for longer (he can sit happily for 10-15 seconds before getting a bit wobbly, if he's playing with a toy) but as he's only just 8 months I don't think he's particularly behind?!

As a FTM though it's played on my mind a bit since then and I'm wondering if I'm missing something or I should be worried?

This makes perfect sense actually

I’ve remembered why I didn’t go to baby groups when mine were little. Stupid bloody woman.
He sounds ok to me. Bang on in fact.

I think that other woman is "behind". Wow fancy being so rude and critical.

I don't know why I'm surprised actually, she's the one who told me (when DS was very young) that the funny little hand twirling movement he does 'means he is autistic'. Not that I would feel any differently about him if he was, but this was completely unwarranted. (I used to do the exact same hand movement bizarrely, my mum recognised it immediately).

She seems to fancy herself a bit of an expert in child development it seems

Just coming back to add, when I used to attend mother and baby group (many years ago!) there was a mother there who was immensely proud of her son. He could stand at six months independently after he had been put on his feet.
Stand yes, because he was strong for his age.
But, it was clear she was massively over-feeding him. He was in age 3 clothes.
Yes he could stand, but the poor little boy looked terrified (probably of falling).
Whenever I worried about my dcs' development, I always looked back at that to remind me that the vast majority of children can and do develop all of the skills needed to progress, and I'm also saying that as the mother of a disabled child who was told my baby may never walk. They have gone on to do wonderful things that have frightened me (because of their disability), not them! I've had to turn away at watching them ride a horse at a canter and jump too.
You really don't need to worry, OP.
Put it down to learning about the world of competitive parenting. 😁

@Putmynewshoeson oh don't worry op, I was once told by a mum at a toddler group that she thought my then 2yo was autistic as he wasn't hitting other children or snatching toys (both of which he did indeed start doing occasionally 6 months later btw, I'm not super mum).
Anyway he's 4 now and I'm pretty certain he's NT.

IMO these child development books have a lot to answer for.

They give competitive parents the chance to compare their babies to others because crawling at eight months is oh so advanced y’know? and they make parents who are just enjoying their babies develop feel inadequate and as if they should have something to worry about.

FWIW I have a friend whose DD walked at ten months and she said that she wished she’d walked later because walking so early on was a bloody nightmare as she didn’t yet have any understanding iyswim.

Your baby sounds absolutely normal. That other mother was a bitch! You just don't say things like that. Pay her no attention, your boy is perfect.

Do remember, some babies don't crawl, they shuffle about and then get up and walk. There's no one rule for babies.

Standard Mumsnet response required here which gets one out of many a tricky spot.

'Did you mean to be so rude?'

Mine was genuinely “really behind” due to a long spell in hospital- he could barely crawl by a year old. Now he’s 2.5 he can do everything. Yes he’s a little less confident physically than other kids his age but otherwise you wouldn’t know the difference.

Your son sounds right on track. You have nothing to worry about. Ignore that stupid comment!

Your baby is doing the exact same things as my DD who is the same age. She sat at bang on 6 months but has really only just started rolling and is doing the worm on the floor in an attempt to crawl 😂

That woman sounds like a twat, babies develop at different paces (all individual little people just like us adults!). There’s probably stuff your baby does that hers doesn’t and if that were me I’d definitely be rubbing it in her face after that comment

Not read other answers but I'm a childminder with 25 years baby experience. Yours sounds absolutely fine. Please don't worry. I have known babies not move until 13 months (my own). Honestly they are so different in ability. That's what makes every child unique. That woman sounds like a prick. Don't give her another thought! Enjoy your gorgeous baby and never compare.

Having had 3 dc, he doesn't sound behind at all, so don't worry.

The hand twirling is a standard part of baby development-it's even in my red books (if you still get those) from 2000/2003 so no worries there.

Thank you :)

He looks like he's conducting a mini orchestra very flamboyantly when he does it, it's cute

He must have sensed my worries about his sitting as he sat beautifully playing with a musical toy earlier for a good ten minutes with no toppling, then toppled back to look at me adoringly so my day got infinitely better.

This thread has really helped me to see the spectrum of different abilities, which makes sense because we are all different. I'm going to try not to get too hung up on things now, especially as I'm going to see her again tomorrow. I'll start practising my mumsnet head tilt for the 'did you mean to be so rude?'

I think if you don't know many kids and only experience you have of milestones is your own it's hard not to use them as a yardstick.
I have 2 boys and both were sitting unaided from 5 months and crawling at 7 months.
My son is 9 months at moment and he walks using sofa and push along thing. He can say mama and baba, hia.
He doesn't clap yet though.
So for me I wouldn't be used to a baby being so dependent at that age so would come as a shock to me.
But I wouldn't go around classing them as behind but I guess it's natural to compare.
Home life has a lot to do with it, mine have never had bouncers etc so always been on floor or slept in cot at nap time. So they've had constant opportunity to work muscles.

Bloody hell what posessed her to come out with that! He doesn't sound especially behind to me but even if he was I would never make a comment like that to a random mum at playgroup.

I'd have said yeah. So have your social skills love

@mrsxrocky I do understand that but the difference is, like you said, you wouldn't be so blatant with the comments. When you say sitting unaided, out of interest, do you mean once you'd put them in the position and then they would stay for 10 mins plus? Did they topple when reaching for toys or could they right themselves? Just interested.

DS does have a bouncer which he loves and he had really bad reflux for ages, so was slow to get used to tummy time and a little slow to be rolling because of that, so he might be at the back end of 'normal'.
He's not really showing signs of pulling himself up on things yet although when he's sitting and you hold out your hands he will take them and pull himself up into a standing position.
He can sit quite happily as I've said, but he will topple when he wants to reach for a different toy or decides he wants to practise crawling. He's close to crawling but not there yet. He doesn't 'step' when he stands while I'm supporting him yet either, he bounces instead, probably due to his love of the bouncer, but he has strong little legs so I'm not worried about his muscle tone or anything.
He's definitely not saying words yet either, just babbling and making sounds but he engages with us and laughs a lot, responds to things, makes delighted little noises and 'talks' to us a lot, so I'm sure that will come in time.
Like you said, it's what you're used to and as a first time mum who's spent the last six months in lockdown I don't really have any frame of reference - obviously the books are a guide but it's difficult to know as they all make the point of saying all babies are different.

Anyway, I feel much better after the responses to this post and will continue to enjoy my gorgeous little boy. I'll mention any concerns to my HV, even though they're not brilliant, and go from there. Thank you everyone who took the time to post and reassure a new (ish) mum.

I'm glad you're feeling better now. Will just add that my ds couldn't sit up at all at 8 months and crawled at 13 months. Didn't say a single intelligible syllable before 18 months. He's now 14. Can sit up just fine Seriously, by 2 ish, definitely 3, you can't tell at all who the early developers were.

My DS didn’t sit til he was almost 1, preferring to roll around the floor like a chubby little barrel. He also picked up language fairly late compared to other toddlers at baby groups yet he was reading fluently by the time he started school at just turned 4. They are all so so different!

It’s that mother that has a problem. Not your baby.

Your DS sounds lovely and developing beautifully. The other mother sounds toxic and lockdown seems to had an adverse effect on her social development, which is definitely behind her peers.

From a mother of a child who has significant needs and a child who is developing normally, regardless of their strengths or challenges, comparison is the thief of joy. Don't do it! The only thing you ever need to see is development.

My DS is an adult. He will always need support. He has a learning disability and complex medical needs. He has ASD, but he has better social skills than the mother at the playgroup. I pity her child, I really do.

Enjoy your son and all he achieves. Distance yourself from the toxic witch. She will only continue to suck the joy out of your life.

As a FTM you are going to have to learn to ignore rude other parents. Your child will be having all developmental reviews with health professionals not some ignoramus. Ignore. Research and if you have any concerns discuss with your health visitor/gp.
My daughter is a year older and can’t do things your son already can, she’s under the care of a specialist paediatrician but if anyone was that rude I’d be forthrightly angry.

@AnnaSW1

I'd have said yeah. So have your social skills love

Perfect!

Apart from that, 'behind'? Behind whom? Development isn't a race. I wish people (in general) would stop thinking of child development in terms of 'ahead' or 'behind'. I think it would help and de-emotionalise it if we put it in terms of 'doing' or 'yet to do' things typical for age/stage.