AIBU to think 8 month old DS isn't behind?

[Putmynewshoeson]

8 month old DS was born just on the cusp of premature.

He can stand when we hold his hands, has been able to for ages. He can sit independently but wants to crawl so more often than not sirs for a few seconds then rolls into his front. He can sit quite well until he gets distracted by a toy or something and tries to reach it or move and then ends up wobbling or toppling.
He can hold his own bottle when the mood takes him.
He holds toys and puts them in his mouth and moved them hand to hand. He puts his dummy in and out - at night he finds his dummy and puts it back in his mouth
He can roll both ways and does it frequently especially during nappy changes 🤪
He's not crawling yet but really trying and not pulling himself up on things, doesnt really try and step when he stands with support. He doesn't copy us or clap or wave or stick his tongue out.

He is very engaged and smiley, babbles lots and 'talks' to us. Loves playing with us, is fascinate by playing boo, the guitar, loves watching baby sensory and nursery rhymes

I went to a kind of baby group on Friday after they had been closed for ages (still socially distanced more for the mum's) and one of the mums made a comment that he had really fallen behind during lockdown.

Granted a few of the other babies were poking their tongues out and sitting up a bit more steadily for longer (he can sit happily for 10-15 seconds before getting a bit wobbly, if he's playing with a toy) but as he's only just 8 months I don't think he's particularly behind?!

As a FTM though it's played on my mind a bit since then and I'm wondering if I'm missing something or I should be worried?

@Putmynewshoeson He sounds like a text book 8 month old to me! One of my Grandsons was 18 months before he crawled. He's a perfectly fit, normal 21 year old now, just very laid back, as he was then. He was just perfectly content to sit and play in one place. I have a lovely memory of him at a birthday party in the garden. All the babies were sitting with bowls of food on a tablecloth on the lawn. The others had crawled off, and suddenly a gust of wind took the cloth up around his head, and all the food was deposited around him. He spent the next hour picking it all up and putting it in his bowl, and then ate the lot!
That mum sounds a bit spiteful, just forget it, her opinion means nothing.

OP my 8 month old DS sounds the same. He sits quite well now but after a while could topple trying to reach a toy so I usually sit with him or put a cushion behind him. He has no interest in moving at all yet, even though he technically can roll he's only done it a handful of times. He's quite social though and watches things around him, takes in things that other babies wouldn't be doing. And he's just started doing a few claps so I'm telling myself he's just into communication and socialising more than movement. My first was the opposite so I'm not worried, they are realy all so different!

All babies are different, they do things at different speeds. Don’t panic or worry, it all seems such a big deal at the time but in a few years all kids are running around, shouting and jumping!

@Putmynewshoeson
My DS is 8 months and just rolled yesterday for the first time! We have no worries about his development, he just hates being on his tummy.

Equally, he's not yet poked his tongue out.

My NCT group are full of 8 months olds who are all at totally different stages despite being 4 weeks apart.
One hasn't sat up at all yet
Two aren't yet eating very well and just spitting food out
One is crawling confidently
One is standing and starting to cruise
One just rolled yesterday (mine!)
One has already said his first word

Sorry to be harsh but that mum is a bit of a cow and probably said that to make herself feel better.

You're doing great!

Posts like this are why I didn’t feel the need to make any “mum friends” or go to groups! Honestly people are awful, I can’t stand the competitive parenting, all babies develop different and so comparing one to another is utterly pointless, don’t let it get you down OP, she sounds like a total dick!

Sound like her social skills have really fallen behind during lockdown.

He sounds completely fine. They all progress at their own pace. The other mum sounds like she has issues!

Ignore that silly woman - all sounds perfectly fine to me. I have 2 grown up dcs, 3 Gdcs inc. a baby of the same age as yours.
Babies do things at different rates anyway.

My dd1 was walking by her first birthday. Both older Gdcs were 15 or 16 months - all absolutely fine and normal.

How fucking rude. She sounds like a twat.

My health visitor said babies born premie will be fully caught up by the age of two. Also different children develop at different rates, me and a friend had our babies within two weeks of each other and my daughter could walk at 9 mths but couldn't talk and hers could talk but wasn't moving around. Don't pay too much attention, maybe they were trying to make themselves feel better!

I have to track babies' development as part of my job and can assure you that your DC is doing fine.

I remember some of my mum friend's babies were crawling at 6 months whereas DD1 didn't roll over till she was 9 months and then within the space of 3 weeks she crawled and pulled herself up on the furniture and was walking by 11 months. She spoke very early, some in the group were much later but by the time they were around 3 they were all at a similar level.

What a thoughtless and rude thing for that other mother to have said! I'd steer well clear- she will be one of those competitive parent types that everyone avoids.

@BrigitsBigKnickers thank you. I think it's the sitting that's worrying me! But he learned to sit in a kind of baby nest thing so got used to sitting up then leaning against the side to reach things so I'm practising more with him on the mat

As I said he can do it but then wants to roll onto his tummy and try to crawl or reaches for things and leans over or topples. I wasn't sure how long he should be able to sit for unaided at this point

I'm going to plonk the duvet down on the foam mat and leave him to sit and see how he gets on (obviously I will be watching him).

Thanks for the posts I think it's helpful as it's shown me what a wide range there is - some people have babies crawling and mimicking by now and some have babies barely rolling not mimicking at all etc

Perhaps he will be the later end of 'normal' but he's a very very good eater, can feed himself with a spoon once it's loaded, is great with things like holding toys etc

He seems very very focused on being on his tummy and trying to crawl and is currently scooting around in circles on his tummy and scooting backwards so I think we might be close to crawling!

honestly your child is a normal 8mth old. Ignore that mother. She was being a outright bitch.

Christ, mine didn’t even attempt to crawl - she just moaned at us while sitting on her bottom until she cruised at 10 months.

Watching her at the park today you’d never know - climbing up and along everything and not even 2 yet.

They all catch up.

I wouldn't worry, he sounds absolutely fine. Fo what it's worth my eldest didn't crawl until she was 14 months or walk until she was 18 months. She's 14 now and no problems at all so I wouldn't be worried.
You could call HV to put your mind at rest but the best thing to do is just ignore the mum. You always get one like that all through your child's life, you learn to smile, nod and ignore.

Dear God, what an arse of a woman.
If she says anything again, turn to her and say 'Really, my health visitor's very happy with him. I do hate those mothers who try to force their babies to do things, don't you?', with a smile on your face and a steely look in your eye.

@MyNameHasBeenTaken 🤣🤣🤣

If I'm being honest, it sounds like in some things your little one is towards the later part of that normal, but it doesn't really mean anything long term. My first sat confidently at 4m, crawled and cruised at 7m and walked independently at 9m.

@Babyboomtastic I'm sure you mean well but I don't think it's true that the OP's DS is towards the later part of normal (not that it would matter if he was). Walking by 9m is really early!! Both of mine didn't walk till around 15 months and my friend's DC didn't walk till nearly 2 (they are a very active family but she just liked crawling).

My DD is 8 months, born at 36 weeks and sounds like she's in exactly the same place as your DS 👌

@User27aw

He sounds absolutely fine. What kind of a mum would tell you your child is behind, just ignore her.

Yes what a cow. Avoid. Why anyone would say that. Just wait until her child at school and someone else gets a better mark, she'll be distraught. Ignore this Muppet.

The other mother is a twat. Give her a wide berth.

DS sat up remarkably early, but on most other things he was bang on what was (according to my research) considered "average" ie not ahead or behind. He crawled at 9 months, walked at 13. He was sitting up from 5 months old but he was still wobbly at 7-8 months for sure as I remember visiting my parents in another country and we had to make sure we had lots of those puffy mat things around as their floors are tiled and he'd be sitting playing with a toy then just topple over!

I do wonder if this sort of competitive parenting is going to be made worse by Covid? People worrying that their child hasn't been given enough stimulation/education etc and therefore bigging up their successes/children's successes even more than normal. God, I hope not.

I agree that if anyone's social skills need work or have fallen behind during lockdown it's hers!

I really, really regret wasting a lot of the first year with DS worrying about this kind of thing. He was 'late' to sit, didn't copy much, wasn't that vocal, etc. and I used to spend literally hours worrying that he was autistic, had some sort of developmental delay, that it was because we didn't stimulate him enough, etc.

He's now a very loving two year old who runs, climbs, is perfectly capable of sitting up (!) and actually has pretty advanced speech for his age (not that that means anything much at two, either!). Looking back I can't believe I actually thought it might matter long-term whether he could sit up for 10 seconds or 30, at what age he waved, or that he was two months older when he could drink out of a sippy cup than my friend's baby, but I really, really did at the time. I'm pregnant with DC2 and determined to learn from this and worry much less this time! It's easy to say looking back, I know, but please just enjoy your baby, who sounds lovely, and try not to worry about this stuff or that horrible woman!

Oh and my first child could crawl before he could sit independently, used to just flop to the side, can't remember any tongue poking, walked T 12mths but could hardly speak a sentence until over 2. Couldn't be left for second, wouldn't sleep, went through a great scream and bite stage.
All fine now 6 years later. Nobody asks what age they walked, poked a tongue.
Your baby sounds fine.
Other mum sounds quite the oddball.
Just enjoy the little moments. Not every minute needs to be a educational learning activity.
You'll be ok.

Incidentally, DS's late sitting was, in hindsight, totally because he was so focused on trying to move. Early sitting is basically a measure of how long they'll sit still for if someone else balances them in a sitting position, and DS had no interest in that! He learned to sit confidently at the same time as he learned to get himself into a sitting position and to reach for things while sitting and then steady himself, which I think was all about nine months, and also around when he learned to crawl. He still doesn't really want to sit still!

Having a think about this, I think his wobblyness when sitting night be partly because he's trying to move etc.

When mine started sitting, moving wasnt imminent, so they got quite steady. When they started getting ready to crawl, they'd try to get from sitting to all fours, and back again etc. I imagine that if they were still trying to strengthen their core muscles for sitting when trying to do those transitional that would have made them more wobbly. Ie because he's trying to do the two at the same time it's a bit tougher.