AIBU to think 8 month old DS isn't behind?

[Putmynewshoeson]

8 month old DS was born just on the cusp of premature.

He can stand when we hold his hands, has been able to for ages. He can sit independently but wants to crawl so more often than not sirs for a few seconds then rolls into his front. He can sit quite well until he gets distracted by a toy or something and tries to reach it or move and then ends up wobbling or toppling.
He can hold his own bottle when the mood takes him.
He holds toys and puts them in his mouth and moved them hand to hand. He puts his dummy in and out - at night he finds his dummy and puts it back in his mouth
He can roll both ways and does it frequently especially during nappy changes 🤪
He's not crawling yet but really trying and not pulling himself up on things, doesnt really try and step when he stands with support. He doesn't copy us or clap or wave or stick his tongue out.

He is very engaged and smiley, babbles lots and 'talks' to us. Loves playing with us, is fascinate by playing boo, the guitar, loves watching baby sensory and nursery rhymes

I went to a kind of baby group on Friday after they had been closed for ages (still socially distanced more for the mum's) and one of the mums made a comment that he had really fallen behind during lockdown.

Granted a few of the other babies were poking their tongues out and sitting up a bit more steadily for longer (he can sit happily for 10-15 seconds before getting a bit wobbly, if he's playing with a toy) but as he's only just 8 months I don't think he's particularly behind?!

As a FTM though it's played on my mind a bit since then and I'm wondering if I'm missing something or I should be worried?

DS1 didn't sit up unaided reliably until he was 9 months. Didn't crawl until 13 months. Didn't walk until 18 months.

DS2 crawled at 7 months. Didn't walk until he was 19 months.

They are both now adults and absolutely fine. DS2 in particular is quite coordinated and sporty.

The other mum sounds like a competitive bitch and you need to ignore her. Children do things at different speeds but they all get there. DS2 spoke really early and very fluently but didn't walk. Some of his peers were walking but not talking at the same stage. However by 2.5 they could all walked talk and you couldn't really tell.who had walked early and who had walked late.

... fallen behind...

What a tosser.

The average age is an average for a reason... Some kids won't crawl until a year, some kids will crawl at six months.

My dd sounds very similar to yours and she is 8.5 months and nowhere near prem. I think at that age they really focus on what they enjoy - dd loves sitting playing so she has honed her pincer grip, and passing one toy from one hand to the other but she has absolutely no interest in moving at all. Not a sausage. Dd1 (5) tended to do things towards the later end of normal but she'd do them perfectly straight away. For instance she was a little late to walk, but she never 'toddled', she could walk with confidence straight away and very rarely fell. Ignore the other mum, sounds like she was trying to make herself feel superior on some way

My ds is 17 (years) and still only sits for a few seconds before getting distracted by a toy (usually his phone)....

I didn't realise sticking their tongue out was a much younger milestone :-/
To be honest we haven't really encouraged him to do it and we don't do it to him a lot so perhaps we will start.
He was trying to blow raspberries back at us though and has been for a little while so perhaps that counts as mimicking
Definitely not crawling on cruising, I didn't realise those were milestones for 8 months either and seems like a lot of posters here had babies who didn't do that yet (just replying to previous poster but won't let me quote for some reason)

He sounds great! DS didn't start sitting confidently until he was about 8 months and didn't crawl until about 11 months. All totally normal as far as I'm concerned!

Jeeezus. Always some of these idiotic mums in a playgroup.
Next time just tell her your kid is doing fine and every kid does their own things in their own time

Or tell her to get lost 😂

@Putmynewshoeson

I didn't realise sticking their tongue out was a much younger milestone :-/ To be honest we haven't really encouraged him to do it and we don't do it to him a lot so perhaps we will start. He was trying to blow raspberries back at us though and has been for a little while so perhaps that counts as mimicking Definitely not crawling on cruising, I didn't realise those were milestones for 8 months either and seems like a lot of posters here had babies who didn't do that yet (just replying to previous poster but won't let me quote for some reason)

Our midwife said that sticking tongues out was an instinct that young babies had. DS discovered his tongue a couple of weeks ago (he's a year old) and is now obsessed with it. It's all good!

He sounds just fine to me!

Don’t give it a second thought. Her comments say much more about her than it does your baby!

@mynameiscalypso so does that mean he should be doing it? He went through a stage of doing it when he was really little and now does move his tongue about especially pressing it on his gums as he's teething but doesn't stick it out at us IYSWIM

thanks for all your lovely posts. I have a really crap health visitor service and they're never very helpful which is why I haven't spoken to them. They were really pushy about putting him on formula when he was tiny and pressured me into giving up breast feeding and since then whenever I speak to them I get really anxious! Silly really I know.

It's been hard to know what's normal and what's not as books tend to say slightly different things . I haven't really had anything to compare to over lockdown either so now it's just made me start to get really worried I haven't been doing the right things with him, like I should have been practising sitting up more (which I will do now) and trying to get him to mimic me or stand more (he likes standing a lot and will still pull himself up from a sitting position if you hold his hands)

Sorry I'm babbling on, I was feeling quite confident in my.parenting but for some reason this has planted a brainworm and now I'm studying everything he does (or doesn't) and worrying about it!

Welcome to the underbelly of parenting- competitive parenting nicely dressed up as ‘concern’.

I honestly thought when I saw this thread title that you were going to say your child wasn’t smiling or holding his head up yet. He sounds quite delightful and absolutely normal which, as we all know, covers a very broad spectrum.

My 2 developed at completely different rates. DS2 wasn’t sitting well at 10 months whereas his brother was walking then.

They are both professional men now. Enjoy your baby and learn a few curt replies for the so called concerned fellow mothers at groups.

[quote Putmynewshoeson]**@mynameiscalypso* so does that mean he should be doing it? He went through a stage of doing it when he was really little and now does move his tongue about especially pressing it on his gums as he's teething but doesn't stick it out at* us IYSWIM

thanks for all your lovely posts. I have a really crap health visitor service and they're never very helpful which is why I haven't spoken to them. They were really pushy about putting him on formula when he was tiny and pressured me into giving up breast feeding and since then whenever I speak to them I get really anxious! Silly really I know.

It's been hard to know what's normal and what's not as books tend to say slightly different things . I haven't really had anything to compare to over lockdown either so now it's just made me start to get really worried I haven't been doing the right things with him, like I should have been practising sitting up more (which I will do now) and trying to get him to mimic me or stand more (he likes standing a lot and will still pull himself up from a sitting position if you hold his hands)

Sorry I'm babbling on, I was feeling quite confident in my.parenting but for some reason this has planted a brainworm and now I'm studying everything he does (or doesn't) and worrying about it![/quote]
Honestly don't let other people get to you

Like I saw I'm quite sure other mums were thinking the same thing about mine as the one said to you. saw it in the looks. Mine was later than yours at sitting and still in the normal age range for doing it!

Like I saw people are strange

Urgh, competitive parenting at its worst from the other mum. Ignore her!

FWIW, my DS was incredibly behind with all aspects of physical development at 1yo because of health issues requiring multiple extensive hospital stays. By his 2 year check, he was ticking all the boxes, and now (age 6) you would never know that he was 'behind' as a baby. Kids develop at different speeds for different reasons, and your DS sounds like he is doing just fine 🙂 don't let a rude playgroup mum doubt what you're doing.

I had twins who were 3 weeks early and very small birth weight. One walked at 1 year week, the other not until 16 months, and they were both treated the same, weighed the same, ate the same etc, so it was just the way they were.
My eldest dd sat up at 6 months, walked round the furniture at 6 1/2 months and was walking just over 7 months! Her son, my grandson, walked at 8 months, but his little sister at 10 months is only just crawling.
They are all different, they all do it when they're ready, so don't worry.

Have a look at This OP. Informative article about tongue sticking out. Most likely cause at 8 months seems to be imitating parents and getting a reaction. Not an early sign of Junior Mensa membership.😊

There's a huge range of normal at that age - some are walking whereas some aren't able to sit for long. I really wouldn't worry. Isn't there a health visitor check at age 1, you could check then which might put your mind at rest. Mums are so ridiculously competitive with small babies, just ignore the other mum!

[quote Putmynewshoeson]**@mynameiscalypso* so does that mean he should be doing it? He went through a stage of doing it when he was really little and now does move his tongue about especially pressing it on his gums as he's teething but doesn't stick it out at* us IYSWIM

thanks for all your lovely posts. I have a really crap health visitor service and they're never very helpful which is why I haven't spoken to them. They were really pushy about putting him on formula when he was tiny and pressured me into giving up breast feeding and since then whenever I speak to them I get really anxious! Silly really I know.

It's been hard to know what's normal and what's not as books tend to say slightly different things . I haven't really had anything to compare to over lockdown either so now it's just made me start to get really worried I haven't been doing the right things with him, like I should have been practising sitting up more (which I will do now) and trying to get him to mimic me or stand more (he likes standing a lot and will still pull himself up from a sitting position if you hold his hands)

Sorry I'm babbling on, I was feeling quite confident in my.parenting but for some reason this has planted a brainworm and now I'm studying everything he does (or doesn't) and worrying about it![/quote]
I think the instinct is one that disappears after a while - certainly DS stopped doing out. He still doesn't really do it to us but that's mainly because if we stick our tongues out, he wants to grab it (which makes me feel slightly sick but that's beside the point!). It really does sound like your DS is absolutely on track and developing really well. He's certainly more advanced than my DS was at the same age and, obviously, my DS is the best baby in the whole world 😂

1 year 1 week that should say!

All 3 of them are grown up, good jobs, good qualifications etc, and the one who walked last has never been held back by it!

Every baby is different, I don't understand why some people feel the need to comment.

OP your baby sounds fine, they do things in their own time and forcing it only stresses you both out.

A friend of mine was worried her baby wasn't walking at 13 months so contacted her HV and was told they wouldn't be concerned until 18 months or more. I know babies who crawled at 5 months, others closer to a year and some not at all. Babies that walked at 9/10 months and some 14-15 months, they're all fine. But every one of the mums had some kind of judgey comments. You can't win with people who feel the need to comment.

It's the same with every part of parenting and it never stops. I'm still getting shitty PA comments about my 5yo and it's carrying on with the baby because he's BF, cosleeps, does baby led weaning- I honestly can't bring myself to care that much what other people do.

DS is a big baby born at term (39 weeks) and he's been the late end of normal range for just about everything so far. He's 9 months. Loves standing and walking if you help him support his weight. He has absolutely no inclination to crawl at all so can't yet get himself about. He only started confidently sitting unaided a few weeks ago. My health visitor is lovely and has absolutely no concerns about him at all.

Thank you so so much
This has really reassured me. Obviously I'll make sure he's doing ok but I want to enjoy DS and not worry about everything!
I guess because I havent been able to go to groups or anything I've missed out on this side of parenting!

As people have said, there is a huge range of 'normal' development. If I'm being honest, it sounds like in some things your little one is towards the later part of that normal, but it doesn't really mean anything long term.

My first sat confidently at 4m, crawled and cruised at 7m and walked independently at 9m. My second was 2-3 months later for everything, but there are some fine motor skills etc that she's a lot better at.

My instinct would be that I would keep a bit of an eye on the wobbly sitting, but I think that's because both of mine went from learning to sit, to sitting up for 15m etc within a week or two (clearly liked sitting on their bum, lol), but I know it can take a lot longer to get steady, so I don't expect it's a problem as such.

The woman was downright rude though. In my baby groups, there have been ones that did things early, and ones that did things a bit 'late' but eventually they all catch up and it really isn't noticeable or doesn't matter.

At least you can still pop to the loo without finding your baby trying to climb out of a window, or ride the cat. There are definite benefits to having a stationary child :-)

He’s fine. The other mother is a dick.
DS was always lagging behind other babies - he was 6 weeks early - and it was really noticeable at baby classes. But while he wasn’t arsed about gross motor he’s always studied things in detail and been great with his fine motor skills.
He’s only just started waving and pointing in the last few months and he’s 17 months!

Also DS has never stuck his tongue out!