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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd: colleague lied about me

121 replies

Delilahfunke · 31/08/2020 15:50

Hi all!

Really don’t know what to do about this situation and need some advice .

I have Just left a group meeting Where a colleague told an outright lie about me in front of other members of staff and our Two Bosses.

It is regarding an incident that happened last friday and affects an individual i am responsible for-student . I wasn’t told a key piece of information about said individual.
The first i heard of it was my boss calling to Ask what happened as they had heard about the incident from another member of staff . My boss was worried and all i could say was i havent been informed i dont have any details yet.

No one had approached me during /after the incident to let me know what happened.

I feel completely betrayed .

OP posts:
ChrisPrattsFace · 31/08/2020 16:51

I’ve read it a few times and it’s still doesn’t make sense?
I done understand the time line!

Original poster
Delilahfunke · 31/08/2020 16:52

If i had have been informed i would have been involved and could have taken appropriate steps.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 31/08/2020 16:52

Yanbu. They snaked you I'm sure your boss will see it once explained.

Supersimkin2 · 31/08/2020 16:54

So what did you do when you found out about the incident OP? With the student, that is.

notanothertakeaway · 31/08/2020 16:54

OP your narrative is confusing, but I think YABU for posting confidential info on a public forum. I hope your student doesn't use Mumsnet

ChrisPrattsFace · 31/08/2020 16:54

Ok so many cross posts - did you speak up in the meeting and say they weren’t being truthful?
If you tell the truth that is literally the only thing you can do. Hope the people who lie trip themselves up!

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 31/08/2020 16:54

@Delilahfunke was your boss worried about how/why the incident with the student happened or about what happened after like the fact that you didn't know,your lack of response since you didn't know, why you weren't told etc?

It's a very important distinction .

neonjumper · 31/08/2020 16:55

So they are not following the intended flow of information thereby giving the impression that you were unavailable ( or even unapproachable) .

If yes, then this is unacceptable and the lie is damaging.

I think a previous posters (gazelda ?) email is the way to go .

Are you able to approach ( best everything is written down ) said colleague and remind about following the protocol of the flow of information ?

Original poster
Delilahfunke · 31/08/2020 16:56

Sorry it’s so unclear .... But carter and Gazelda got it right.

OP posts:
Yoloyohol · 31/08/2020 16:56

Sounds to me like someone with an ECHP or similar and a shit stirring colleague, either out to prove something about the student, or the person responsible for them. Or is a drama llama who ran their mouth off and now has to justify it.
If I'm right, then your boss is I assume an educator and will be aware that these politics go on a lot.

AnyFucker · 31/08/2020 16:56

Is this some sort of comprehension test ?

Yoloyohol · 31/08/2020 16:58

If I'm correct or close enough in my assumption I do think you need to be very careful about what's posted here btw

TellingBone · 31/08/2020 16:59

I'm exhausted now

Noisymotorbike · 31/08/2020 17:03

@AnyFucker

Is this some sort of comprehension test ?
:)
BoomBoomsCousin · 31/08/2020 17:03

My issue is How can i take responsibility when i’m not being informed of key incidents or getting information when it’s regarding my student?

I think you also have the issue of - why did your colleague lie about having informed you? and the answer to that will inform the answer to your first question.

Obviously we can’t tell you the answer to either. But I can think of 3 likely answers (though there may be more) to why they lied:

  • to save their ass because they’ve realised they did the wrong the thing.
  • because they think you’re no good at your job or want your job or have some vendetta against you (which may be why they went over your head in the first place) and this is a deliberate tactic to make you look worse and bolster their own standing.
  • they thought they had communicated this to you.

Do any of those sound like possibilities?

There’s not much you can do about it other than ask the colleague at what point they think they communicated that to you (how did they tell you, where were you, etc.) in order to get an idea if 3) is the case. You should also ask any other staff who were there what happened and why they didn’t inform you. Then reiterate to your boss at your next meeting that you hadn’t been aware and tell you’ve spoken to your colleagues about the miscommunication.

If 2) is a possibility you may need to start keeping a log of possible incidents, gather evidence and raise it with HR or your boss at some point. That sort of behaviour is particularly damaging for everyone.

  1. is difficult to prove and realistically you’ll just need to put it behind you, hope your boss doesn’t buy into it, and keep it in mind whenever your colleague gives accounts that others counter.

One thing I would add is that your communication on this thread has been kind of poor. Your recounting of events is not coherent, you’ve been all over the place and you still haven’t told the story in a clear and succinct manner despite so many posts indicating that you aren’t being clear. I know you’re upset, but is it possible that part of what has exacerbated the issue at work is an inability to focus and communicate well under this sort of pressure? Because I could see miscommunication happening in a meeting if you got flustered and focused on being on the defensive, for example.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 31/08/2020 17:07

Basically OP is responsible for a student.

On Friday an incident happened with the student.

A colleague that witnessed it, instead of informing OP of what is going on so she can deal with it, informed her boss instead.

OP gets a call from her boss,telling her there was an incident, so she goes to investigate/ask other staff what happened.

Now they had this meeting where the boss is worried about Friday, and when OP said she was not informed about the incident, a colleague lied and said she went and told OP.

Now if the boss is worried about the whys and the how's of the incident, the lie is still a lie and shit but pretty irrelevant, as even if OP wasn't informed straight away she still had time to find out what happened, think of a course of action etc.

If, however the boss is worried about why OP didn't know,why she didn't follow policies or whatever straight away, why she wasn't with the student after etc, then the fact that he was informed first and not her is very relevant. And the colleague's lie very damaging and malicious as it sets to discredit OP's defense.

user14562156358 · 31/08/2020 17:08

To be honest, if this is how poorly you communicate with your colleagues too then I can see how they are having difficulties understanding the situation.

Original poster
Delilahfunke · 31/08/2020 17:12

Thanks for the comments.

I feel like the problem is me being left out of the handling of the incident and not being informed. No communication With me , I wasn’t able to take action at the time .

The incident was taken care of by other staff members. I was excluded from it.

I didn’t need to do anything as others saved the day. Except i’m responsible.

Tomorrow Will be better .

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 31/08/2020 17:13

@Delilahfunke

Thanks for the comments.

I feel like the problem is me being left out of the handling of the incident and not being informed. No communication With me , I wasn’t able to take action at the time .

The incident was taken care of by other staff members. I was excluded from it.

I didn’t need to do anything as others saved the day. Except i’m responsible.

Tomorrow Will be better .

So what exactly is your boss so worried about?
Everysinglebloodytime · 31/08/2020 17:14

It's not that hard to understand once you get past the first few posts.

OP I'd suggest a review of what happened, what went well and what didn't go well as a learning exercise. You can explore what led up to the incident and the communication during and following the incident. Then the facts will be shared in an objective way.

Original poster
Delilahfunke · 31/08/2020 17:14

User : they didn’t communicate With me . It’s me who didn’t understand what or Why.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delilahfunke · 31/08/2020 17:17

Well my boss singled me out in the group meeting for being responsible .

I thought i had defended myself to her pretty Well on friday .

Then the colleague threw me under the bus by saying i knew more than i did.

OP posts:
RealLifeHotWaterBottle · 31/08/2020 17:20

What do you plan on doing about it? I'd be having a quiet word with my manager to make my position clear, as well as putting in writing the need for colleagues to keep each other appropriately informed (and my disappointment this didn't happen) to the staff member who told the lie.

damnthatanxiety · 31/08/2020 17:23

OP, did you confront the liar? Did you talk to your boss expressing your concern that colleague is lying?

GisAFag · 31/08/2020 17:23

Stand up for yourself. In the meeting is when you should have spoken up fgs