To expect my mother to pay half towards a takeaway?

[LivingMyBestLifeNOT]

Several times she has come over to stay the night with me ( I am a single parent) I have suggested takeaway last night so I didnt have to cook but she never contributes.One of my friends also joined us and contributed and left a bottle of prosecco here. She said to me last night she would never ask for paying halves with friends?!

I said to her this morning I will take the bottle back to her and my mum said no you dont do that!

I would always offer to pay towards a takeaway and pay halves for anything brought.

Have you ever asked her to pay towards food / suggested that it would be really helpful to you financially for her to chip in? If not then YABU.

I do think that unless it's a special occasion like someone's birthday then everyone should be putting in a similar amount though. For example if family travel to us then we'll probably pay for a takeaway, cause they'll have paid to travel here and there's also their travelling time to consider. But if we all met at a central destination for a generic family get together then we'd all pay evenly.

To be honest, if I invite someone to my house and ask them if they want a take away I wouldn’t expect them to pay.

If they said ‘let’s get a takeaway’ then yeah, I would.

Ask her to contribute for her own food, otherwise she will continue doing this.

YABU. She's your mother. She gave birth to you. Unless you have a bad relationship it's not a big deal to pay for your mother's takeaway!

If money's tight just buy something that's a treat instead ,posh ice-cream ,wine etc. I'd always go halves. It's the principle.

If your mum has come to visit and you were going to give her dinner that you had cooked you wouldn’t expect her to contribute. You’ve suggested takeaway so you don’t have to cook so I think you should pay for it. I wouldn’t in a million years expect my mother to pay for a meal in my home.

Friends sharing a takeaway is a completely different situation IMO

I think you feed your mother when she comes to visit. If you aren’t cooking and decide on a takeaway then pay for it.

Friends are different.

Yabu. She is a guest in your home. If you want a takeaway because you can't be arsed to cook then that is your look out. I understand that it can get expensive if your mum is over for dinner often but assuming you have a good enough relationship to see each other regularly tell her that money is tight and you can't afford to host her often.

Don’t know - depends on your relative incomes and whether other regular favours are done for each other. I always try to pay for my mum because her only income is state pension, and I’d like to treat her after all she’s done for me in the past, but she’s stubborn!

The stuff about the Prosecco sounds like you were both being daft.

You need to be upfront about it. "Do you want to go halves on a takeaway?"

Yabu. You know she doesn't pay yet continue to get take away because you cant be arsed to cook

I treat not just my mum but my dad and sisters to take away once a week. I would never expect them to pay. They are family..

You wanted the takeaway so you didnt have to cook? Yabu for grudging your mum a takeaway! Jeezo

Next time say something like "I don't fancy cooking so let's go halves on a takeaway".

YABU. If your Mum comes over, obviously you'd feed her without expecting her to pay. Just because you decide to feed her with a takeaway instead of making the effort to cook (pretty rude in itself unless you know your visitor will see the takeaway as a special treat), that doesn't mean the onus is off you as host to provide for your visitor.

Depends on the dynamic and how much people can afford.

My dad always insists on paying for any meal out or takeaway, regardless of whose idea it was or whose house etc. But then he is comfortable financially and doesn’t get to see us all that often, so he sees it as a celebration and wants to treat us.

If we go to someone’s for a takeaway we’ll always offer to pay our way, I’d feel rude assuming others will pay.

If it’s at our house we’d usually pay for it but if we’re a bit broke we might suggest splitting it.... but I’d rather not do that.

So I’m a hypocrite really.... I like to pay my way, but I like to treat others too.

YABVU. Calculate how much she must have spent on feeding you as you grew up.

If money is that tight, don't get a takeaway and cook something simple instead (eggs /beans/ something on toast!).

I can't imagine going to see my daughter and expecting her to pay for a takeaway for me.

As pp said, it very much depends on the incomes of both parties.

If my DD were a single mother and I was eating at her house I don't doubt I'd pay for the whole takeaway.

I'd hardly class myself as a 'guest' in my DD's house in the sense that she's should be the one to pay if she invited me. Our relationship isn't that formal. She's my DD, I be more than happy to pay for a meal for us to share if I was eating at her house if money was a bit tight for her.

If she'd suggested it then I'd I'd say YANBU but as she was staying with you and you opted for a take away for your own convenience (so you don't have to cook) then I think you should pay.

I would usually say ‘do you fancy going halves on a takeaway?’ Then you set out the expectation to be paid back.

Either say do you want a takeaway, but I can’t afford to pay for you

Or don’t offer to get one and cook something simple instead

Thanks everyone.
I know full well if I went over to hers and would say I would have to contribute to a takeaway...

I think as pp have said that at my home and if I suggested it then I would expect to pay. However this is something that is a bone of contention with my DM. She is very well off but doesn’t like anyone to know that. She never puts her hand in her pocket, she has sat back and allowed friends of mine to buy her expensive drinks, I have told her (away from friends) she will need to get them a drink back and she hasn’t, she’s let me pay in full for multiple taxis over the years even though she is in them the longest, food, drinks etc. Of course if it’s her birthday or something I’ve invited her to, one of the DCs birthday meal for example, then fine, but as a family on one income I find it really annoying that she never thinks to pay her own way, even when I explicitly say ‘we will go halves’ she will magically have no money/cards on her, or just sit there with a blank look when the bill comes. We can go the theatre together, and the cost of the night will end up on me- taxis, drinks, snacks, food. It’s at the point now were I avoid doing anything with extra costs with her. She knows how I feel but is still happy to take advantage. So from my own experience with my mother I can understand your frustration.

We both spoke about dinner and I said pizza (Lidl) or takeaway and she said takeaway