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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my mother to pay half towards a takeaway?

100 replies

LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 30/08/2020 22:36

Several times she has come over to stay the night with me ( I am a single parent) I have suggested takeaway last night so I didnt have to cook but she never contributes.One of my friends also joined us and contributed and left a bottle of prosecco here. She said to me last night she would never ask for paying halves with friends?!

I said to her this morning I will take the bottle back to her and my mum said no you dont do that!

I would always offer to pay towards a takeaway and pay halves for anything brought.

OP posts:

Topsy44 · 31/08/2020 14:37

I think it depends on your Mum's financial situation and the dynamics of your relationship. I am a lone parent and I know that if my DD ended up in the same position I would try my hardest to help her out with the children and treating her to takeaways as I know how blinkin' difficult it is trying to do everything on your own!!!

MintyMabel · 31/08/2020 15:27

I would expect my mum to offer but I would never accept

This is the kind of bizarre crap that makes people take the piss out of Brits. You'd never accept money but would be annoyed if she didn't offer?

Angelina82 · 31/08/2020 15:54

This is the kind of bizarre crap that makes people take the piss out of Brits. You'd never accept money but would be annoyed if she didn't offer?

Where did I say I’d be annoyed if she didn’t offer?

Hopoindown31 · 31/08/2020 16:09

I feed my parents on my own buck in my home. They did do it for around 22 years after all! If it is a takeaway I always say 'my treat' in any case.

If we got a takeaway at theirs they wouldn't expect me to pay either (this is pretty rare mum and dad both enjoy cooking too much). I would always offer though, it shows you are grateful.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/08/2020 16:15

I don't the person who said 'calculate how much they spent on you' actually meant it literally. Just that, begrudging your own parent a takeaway is, frankly, pretty ridiculous. Especially if you suggest it. Friends are a totally different thing.

Bluntness100 · 31/08/2020 16:17

For friends we always split it. For immediate family we’d just pay if at our house.

KitKatKit · 31/08/2020 16:27

@arethereanyleftatall

I was the person who said that, and thank you for understanding that I didn't mean "quite literally do the maths and add it up" facepalm

If you couldn't afford a takeaway for all the mouths that needed to be fed, don't suggest it. It's okay to not be able to afford something but it's not okay to begrudge paying for your mum's portion of a takeaway especially when you put it on the table as an option. You asked for opinions so 🤷‍♀️

Backtobasics5 · 31/08/2020 16:31

@pink236

YABU. She's your mother. She gave birth to you. Unless you have a bad relationship it's not a big deal to pay for your mother's takeaway!

It depends where they ordered from. Besides just because someone is a relative it does not mean you can take advantage. OP stated she was a single mother...

Backtobasics5 · 31/08/2020 16:34

As it’s your mother. Just avoid takeaways get something nice in to eat. Don’t mention take aways if your mother wants to order for herself let her.

InFiveMins · 31/08/2020 17:26

YABU - I wouldn't dream of asking for payment off my own mother for a takeaway.

Pemba · 31/08/2020 17:41

All the people trotting out "she's your mother FGS", you could easily turn that around and say "she's your daughter FGS" to the OP's mum.

Why can't people be bothered to read the OP properly? The OP always has to pay her share of a takeaway when she's at her mother's. And this is not reciprocated. Mother pretends she is going to contribute when the OP's friend is there, so obviously she knows she's not behaving properly. And we know the OP is a single parent.

We don't know the ins and outs of their relative incomes, whether the mum assists with childcare, etc, but on the whole it seems it's the mother who's not being fair.

sallyshirt · 31/08/2020 17:41

Just make sure you always have cheap/quick food in - like the Lidl pizza - and don't offer to buy a takeaway.

ClementineWoolysocks · 31/08/2020 17:50

Present her with a bill before she leaves.

BumblePan · 31/08/2020 17:54

Your mum can dress it up all she wants with rules, but she is being mean. I would never put anyone under financial pressure, that applies to family and friends. If she wants a takeaway, pay for the takeaway. Only exception is, if she provided one for you recently.

Lolwhat · 31/08/2020 18:18

It sounds like you offer to pay

Rudolphian · 31/08/2020 18:18

In my family the siblings are always competing to be the one to pay for our parents. In my family we support our parents but I think that's just a cultural difference.
I would never ask my mum to pay for anything and would try to be the one to pay no matter the occasion.

GameSetMatch · 31/08/2020 18:21

To be honest if someone is eating at my house I wouldn’t expect them to pay, do you pay half when you visit your Mums house?

Thisismytimetoshine · 31/08/2020 18:25

You suggested the takeaway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Snorlax86 · 31/08/2020 18:36

I cannot imagine ever having to pay for a takeaway at my mum’s house and would never dream of asking her for money to pay for one at mine. We often take a takeaway or order one when we are at my in-laws as a treat for them, but they don’t suggest it and money is tighter for them. I guess it may depend on your relationship and the financial situation.

occa · 31/08/2020 22:14

Yeah I think if you got takeaway because you couldn't be bothered to cook then you definitely pay. YABU

NameChange84 · 31/08/2020 22:18

Bloody hell. No. I’d never charge my OWN MOTHER!!!

If I was that hard up, I’d cook something I could afford without insulting my Mum and asking her to cough up some cash.

Original poster

LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 31/08/2020 22:46

Thanks all.
I certainly do not offer to pay
Thanks for your views

OP posts:

Original poster

LivingMyBestLifeNOT · 31/08/2020 22:48

If i went to my mums I would probably be expected to contribute yes

OP posts:

gah2teenagers · 31/08/2020 22:59

Keep serving her spaghetti bols. She might change her tune after 37 of them !

willowmelangell · 01/09/2020 21:29

She only offered to transfer funds because your friend said it. She wanted to look good for your friend.

If you know she is coming around to eat, avoid this situation again by having something in ready. A pizza and salad, or jacket potato and topping. Fray Bentos pie and oven chips.
Save the alcohol gift for when friend comes around again.

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