Worked my day off for colleague who's had a party

[Gotthetshirt23]

So, shift workers and key workers .
A few months ago my colleague asked if anyone could/would cover their shift as husband was going on a "hobby" weekend and parents couldn't visit to look after child due to covid.

I offered , breaking up my long weekend to work the Sunday . I am working Monday but we work 2 weekends and then have one long weekend off .

I checked earlier this month, as to if I was still needed as covid restrictions have changed and family have been together, to find out "parents had plans"
Which obviously was not covid restriction related.

Their social media today is a load of photos of the big birthday celebration, clearly with relatives in the photos , cake , the works .

It's not the child's birthday today , in fact it's several days away.

AIBU ?

Yes YABU. You agreed months ago, it doesn’t sound like they lied about the reason for the swap but rather that nearer the time their plans changed. If you were wanting to swap back you should have mentioned this, saying you were happy to swap but if plans changed could she tell you, and you should have then checked again nearer the time reminding her you wanted to swap back if her plans changed. If you said yes with no disclaimer as to what to do if the plans changed then it was a done deal and they were reasonable to make other plans for her day off when the original plan was cancelled.

@Pobblebonk peoples plans change. She doesn’t have to give her work colleague a play by play of her day off once it’s been swapped. It’s non of her business. If she didn’t want to do it then she should of said no, not say yes and then feel like she has some right to what she does with her day.

I can understand you feeling a bit put out. She asked for a shift swap due to exceptional circumstances, you went out of your way, to your detriment, to help out a colleague in need.

Ideally she should have said to you she no longer needed the swap due to exceptional circumstance, but if possible could you still do it.

It is done now, put it down to experience, can you ask her to swap so you get a long weekend back?

You've been taken advantage of. No doubt about it. Your colleague must have been laughing up her sleeve all day thinking of you working her shift and breaking up your own long weekend. Plastering the pictures over SM is rubbing your nose in it.

I'd let her know you know, perhaps by saying you see they all had a great time and wasn't it lucky the grandparents were able to change their plans after all?

Then tell her never to bother asking you for a swap again and suggest she needs to find another mug. Make sure she knows that you would have seriously considered the swap had she been honest with you, but from here on you'll be unable to take anything she says at face value.

Be sure to let other colleagues know, in a rueful way, how you were conned out of your weekend by her sob story of no available childcare so she could throw a party while you worked her shift.

When someone shows you who they are, it's important to believe them.

The reason for covering the shift wouldn't bother me. If I can do it I will to help someone out. I also take the view that I may need cover myself one day.
That's how we all operate at my place of work, we help each other out whatever the reason.

Is it possible she has forgotten about the original swap?

I would be annoyed about the lie as well. Even if they were originally telling the truth and their plans changed, they could have told you.

Next time they’re in a tight spot you will know not to trust them, so they’ve made a rod for their own back really!

Yanbu to be annoyed with her for ruining your weekend having lied she had no childcare so she couldn't work.

I'd be very pissed off that I'd been lied to. Ask her about it when you next see her.

It's quite an extrapolation to decide that she lied. The OP states that it was agreed months ago.

Take this as a lesson. If you ask for a favour and she reciprocates, then all good. If she's not willing to return the favour then don't offer again, no matter what the sob story. That's a lesson learned from 16 years of swapping shifts!

I’ll go against the grain here @Gotthetshirt23 and say that YANBU.

Your co-worker implied that they had difficulties with child care. You were kind enough to help them out. But instead they were planning a big party and their shift was inconvenient.

They lied to rearrange their life for their own convenience. I’d be judging them as not very nice.

I hope you ask for and receive a swap at a time which allows you to recover your list long weekend. But from this example of your colleague’s mindset, I wouldn’t bet on the kindness being returned.

Oh and I would approach the person who had swapped the shift if they had helped me out of a tight spot and then the situation had changed and offer to take back the shift. Or a least let them know to come to me first if they need something swapping. You soon learn who not to help out.

@Velvian

It's quite an extrapolation to decide that she lied. The OP states that it was agreed months ago.

The OP also states that she confirmed only a week ago.

@PETRONELLAS

Only on Mumsnet would people defend your colleage. Absolute cheek to lie to you. Sneaky and nasty to not be honest. Oh, and illegal. YADNBU.

Illegal? Really? (genuine question, not sarcasm).

Where I work, people swap for a multitude of reasons, or don't even give one. It's a very relaxed culture, though, and I think it really depends on what is normal where you work.

Illegal? Really? (genuine question, not sarcasm).

Misrepresenting the situation like that is certainly fraudulent (at least, if she had these plans when she first asked OP). I'd be surprised if a particular shift could be considered a "loss" or "gain" for the purposes of a criminal charge, though.

Was the illegal comment not relating to the party?

I'd have more respect for someone who said "can you swap shifts with me, I want to go out on the piss", than someone who claimed a childcare issue but who was really going out on the piss. It's the dishonesty.

That said, I wouldn't make an issue out of it but I would remember in future that this individual's word is not to be trusted.

Was the illegal comment not relating to the party?

Ahh, maybe. I thought gatherings of up to 30 were currently allowed (not in UK at moment, so not on top of all the ins and outs of that)?

I understand why you are annoyed. I wouldn't agree to cover her shift again.

I'd also advise her tgat her FB profile is very public and she should consider restrictions because everyone can see her life on show.

Yanbu.

You switched believing it was to help her out because parents couldn't.

It was for a party.

I would go out if mh way and sacrifice my one plans to help out a family but I would hate being lied to.

Well I guess she won't get cover from you again?

yanbu as you didn’t want to swap, but did because you thought it was an emergency. You didn’t swap because you didn’t mind doing the shift. Therefore of course it matters if it was no longer an emergency.

Those talking about the husband cancelling his holiday - potentially could have cost a fortune, so of course that’s putting extra pressure on the OP to swap.

Yabu

People feel so entitled about other people’s circumstances if they did them a favour.

I'm a bit confused by the story but if she lied to you to get you to cover the shift then obviously YANBU.

Yanbu. Obviously they are allowed to do whatever they want, but it is still a bit shit. Just remember this next time when she asks to change shifts or if you need a soft change for "not that good reason".