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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worked my day off for colleague who's had a party

127 replies

Gotthetshirt23 · 30/08/2020 22:08

So, shift workers and key workers .
A few months ago my colleague asked if anyone could/would cover their shift as husband was going on a "hobby" weekend and parents couldn't visit to look after child due to covid.

I offered , breaking up my long weekend to work the Sunday . I am working Monday but we work 2 weekends and then have one long weekend off .

I checked earlier this month, as to if I was still needed as covid restrictions have changed and family have been together, to find out "parents had plans"
Which obviously was not covid restriction related.

Their social media today is a load of photos of the big birthday celebration, clearly with relatives in the photos , cake , the works .

It's not the child's birthday today , in fact it's several days away.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Tootsie321 · 30/08/2020 23:11

YADNBU. I also can’t believe some of the responses. If someone asked me to change shifts because of a childcare issue, and I then found out that this was a big fat lie, I would also be pretty annoyed!

I certainly wouldn’t swap if she asked another time, irrespective of the reason she wished to swap. Her bridges would very definitely be burned with me!

Pomegranatepompom · 30/08/2020 23:11

YANBU and I wouldn't cover for her again.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/08/2020 23:30

Thats like taking a day off sick to go to the beach.

YANBU

Shizzlestix · 30/08/2020 23:39

I don’t think the reason matters. Are you more bothered that she lied?

ItsIslandTime · 30/08/2020 23:41

Yanbu

I’d mention it to your colleague. Tell them you only agreed because you thought they needed your help and that it was inconvenient for you.

fallfallfall · 30/08/2020 23:43

you will quickly learn that colleagues LIE all the time for time off/to swap shifts etc.
my personal rule was not never swap/trade (or work OT).

MustShowDH · 30/08/2020 23:47

I get it. You agree to help because you think they're in the shit for childcare and then find out it's just for a party.

If they'd told you it was for a party you could have made the decision about whether it was worth giving up your long weekend for.

YANBU

ILoveFood87 · 30/08/2020 23:53

YANBU do not do this person anymore favours when they clearly take the piss.

Survivingchipandkippee · 30/08/2020 23:54

I can see where you are coming from. You swapped as she gave you a specific reason. My mum is a care worker working shifts and getting weekends off can be really difficult. I think you put it down as a lesson learnt and answer no next time regardless of her reason. Don’t let her take up anymore of your time by being annoyed.

BackforGood · 31/08/2020 00:04

I think it depends on the culture of shift swapping.
Where my ds works, people very readily swap shifts all the time. As long as he doesn't have a fixed plan to be elsewhere, ds will volunteer a lot if people ask. Equally, that means people will cover him whenever he asks.
It doesn't really matter what it is for. If it is important enough to the person asking to change, then it is important.
If he is doing something, then he doesn't volunteer, (unless it were for someone to go to a funeral or something crucial).

OTOH, if covering a different shift is a big deal, then, yes, I would be cross that either she lied, or, when the circumstances changed, she didn't come back and say they had. I would say as much when she asked for a swap another time. However, depending on if you ever ask or not, it does seem a bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face. You've done it now. You didn't miss anything. You are now in a position that you are "owed" if you need a shift covering.

PubicMenace · 31/08/2020 00:15

Yanbu. They mislead you and you were very kind to mess up your weekend for them. Never again OP.

Andylion · 31/08/2020 00:22

[quote Gotthetshirt23]@Aquamarine1029
The agreement was to cover as parents could not look after child due to covid. That is no longer relevant as parents have visited and covid restrictions have changed .

Parents have visited for the party , so yes , I have given up my long weekend to help out under covid restrictions and now there's a party ?

If you consider that's unreasonable then I'm glad I don't know you . [/quote]
I'd be ticked off, OP.

seayork2020 · 31/08/2020 00:23

I used to swap regardless of the reason, I swapped with people and they swapped with me for no reason other than that is what we did if we could. This was in my first job as a teenager, I doubt I would do it now as I have no energy too but the reason to me is irrelevant. being lied to is not nice and I find it rude but I don't have a criteria for swapping in the first place

squeekums · 31/08/2020 00:29

You agreed to cover, lesson learned
Yes she lied, just dont cover for her again, no matter her excuse.
I like money so wouldnt care, id think she an idiot for giving up the cash

Lou670 · 31/08/2020 00:41

If this person's circumstances had changed then she should have said that she no longer needed her shift covered, surely? OP originally only agreed to work it as that person had no childcare cover.

I couldn't do that. I would feel too guilty over it. I would revert back to my original shifts on the rota. It doesn't matter when it was agreed. I would be pissed off to see a party going on whilst I was covering a shift for a person that allegedly had no childcare cover!

Bang out of order. Even worse to post it all over social media!

Jeremyironsnothing · 31/08/2020 00:45

You've been played op. I'd have been annoyed to give up my long weekend under false pretences.

lborgia · 31/08/2020 00:46

OMFG I cannot believe some of these answers. You were doing her a favour because she absolutely was stuck with not having child care....
She COULD NOT DO HER SHIFT, because no husband, no parents.

And they then all have a party?

Taking the proverbial...

Lou670 · 31/08/2020 00:49

@TeddyIsaHe

Think about this: when you’re dying, will you think ‘fucking hell remember that time I covered a shift for someone and they lied’

Or will it not cross your mind at all?

Honestly. Life is short. People lie, people are selfish. Don’t get bogged down so much you need to post things on mumsnet for validation.

Then there would be no posts at all on here! Grin
Lou670 · 31/08/2020 00:51

@lborgia

OMFG I cannot believe some of these answers. You were doing her a favour because she absolutely was stuck with not having child care.... She COULD NOT DO HER SHIFT, because no husband, no parents.

And they then all have a party?

Taking the proverbial...

Totally agree.
TorkTorkBam · 31/08/2020 00:51

I would not put myself out for her again.

I would make sure others were aware of the situation too just in case Fakey McFake Face tries it on with them next.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 31/08/2020 01:03

Someone asked you to swap.

You did

You dislike the result of your ‘good deed’

It’s tough. That’s life.

You can’t control the behaviour of others, only your own. Move on.

rosiejaune · 31/08/2020 01:05

Well YANBU if she lied. But maybe she was telling the truth originally (both times) and then the situation changed, and since they already had that day free, they thought they might as well have the party then.

cbt944 · 31/08/2020 01:25

I don't think you're unreasonable. You gave up a day to help out, breaking up your long weekend, which was very kind. Your colleague is a liar. Parents 'had plans'. Yeah, to be at her party!

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2020 01:29

@TeddyIsaHe

Think about this: when you’re dying, will you think ‘fucking hell remember that time I covered a shift for someone and they lied’

Or will it not cross your mind at all?

Honestly. Life is short. People lie, people are selfish. Don’t get bogged down so much you need to post things on mumsnet for validation.

I'm willing to bet people with no boundaries, who are taken for a ride and constantly used have shittier lives. Life is short, which is why I'd only swap a long weekend shift if I really thought my colleague was in a bind. Because life is too short to not spend the BH with your family.
ColdCottage · 31/08/2020 02:50

Yanbu

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