Worked my day off for colleague who's had a party

[Gotthetshirt23]

So, shift workers and key workers .
A few months ago my colleague asked if anyone could/would cover their shift as husband was going on a "hobby" weekend and parents couldn't visit to look after child due to covid.

I offered , breaking up my long weekend to work the Sunday . I am working Monday but we work 2 weekends and then have one long weekend off .

I checked earlier this month, as to if I was still needed as covid restrictions have changed and family have been together, to find out "parents had plans"
Which obviously was not covid restriction related.

Their social media today is a load of photos of the big birthday celebration, clearly with relatives in the photos , cake , the works .

It's not the child's birthday today , in fact it's several days away.

AIBU ?

Just swap equivalent shifts so nobody feels hard done by.

I understand you feeling a bit miffed but I agree YABU to feel so aggrieved. As pp have said, you agreed the swap to facilitate her husbands hobby, which he could have cancelled, or he should have sorted childcare for. It wasn't a dire emergency or both of them working. The parents 'plans' either changed, or the plans were to throw or attend the child's birthday. Once she knew she wasn't working that day, it's her day to do what she likes with. You swapped a shift, you didn't do an extra one so overall, YABU.

Of course YANBU. And I can't believe all the pious answers! I wouldn't be agreeing to swap shifts with this colleague again. Absolutely not ok that she lied about the real reason.

You agreed to change shift. No one forced you. What happened on her day off is non of your business

Only on Mumsnet would people defend your colleage. Absolute cheek to lie to you. Sneaky and nasty to not be honest.
Oh, and illegal.
YADNBU.

I’d be miffed, it would have been nice of her to check you still didn’t mind working the shift as her situation had changed. Not sure I’d be quick to offer to help her out again.

Surely it wasn't her that had no childcare originally, she was working. It was her husband's childcare problem, as he was the one who wanted to play golf or whatever.

I would be really pissed off with that.

Next time said colleague is looking for a shift cover, even if she claims it's for childcare reasons, I'd be much less inclined to help.

The other thing that would influence my view is whether or not the person regularly tries or actually avoids bank holiday working. There are some shift workers in teams I have been a part of in the past where some people seem to always want things to revolve around them but never reciprocate, and working bank holidays or late/night shifts is one.

YANBU.
I'm not as nice as you as I wouldn't have swapped so that my co-workers husband could do his "hobby" and leave his wife in the lurch regarding childcare. (I would support colleagues and swap if there were other more pressing reasons than this).
She probably didn't really see a problem with then later organizing a party as you'd already agreed to swap.
However, I'd be mildly annoyed and I wouldn't swap with her ever again.

It's attitudes like your colleague and her husband have that contribute to men having the important careers and lives and their wives having the 'little jobs' that they fit around their husbands needs and wants and ironing his shirts.

@Potterpotterpotter

You agreed to change shift. No one forced you. What happened on her day off is non of your business

Of course it's OP's business if her colleague lied to her in order to get her to do her a favour.

A few months ago my colleague asked if anyone could/would cover their shift as husband was going on a "hobby" weekend and parents couldn't visit to look after child due to covid.

If the arrangement had been made last week, your colleague would be in the wrong.

However, so much has changed over the last few months that its not unreasonable for your colleague's plans to change. Given that you were covering for your colleague's 'hobby weekend' in the first place, and restrictions on grandparents visiting children haven't existed for a while, it's fair for your colleague to assume that the reason for the shift change wasn't important to you.

sorry, colleague's husbands' hobby weekend.

Just don't agree to inconvenience yourself for over and above normal working hours her again.

I work shifts and there are always piss takers who think their private lives are more important than anyone else's - at ours it's not asking to swap but people calling in sick and it becoming clear afterwards they weren't sick - the piss takers at ours are two (unconnected) single people with love lives full of largely self created drama, but it could as easily be parents with extended family theatrics.

I'd tell said colleague that you are seriously unimpressed with ther lack of honesty about the weekend, and sheer stupidity to show it all on sical media, and they owe you a similar favour, then book yourself a weekend soon and tell her she is covering for you!

You did a favour for someone who didn't think through the repercussions of the changed circumstance! Not a huge deal but yes, annoying! She can be told that, quite plainly.

Anyone who tries to tell you it doesn't matter that the situation changed can safelty be ignored as they must be cut fron the same cloth - a bit unthinking and selfish, giving little thought to other people as long as they get what they want! You are merely there to serve!

Yes I'd be annoyed too. Because she lied to me. Covering for an emergency e.g. childcare is one thing, but covering for a party is another. Yes I'd feel annoyed. But it's done now, just dont offer to cover her again.

I get you OP. There’s a world of difference between “please help me out out, I’m stuck for childcare” & “we want to have a party so I fancy the day off work” & anyone who is saying you didn’t have to help so get over it is being disingenuous. I would ask her to pickup one of your shifts so you can have a long week off again in return.

In what way was it an emergency to begin with though

Yanbu obviously her plans could change but it’s more that she didn’t use that excuse when asking for cover so seems manipulative.

YABU really. You agreed to cover so it's her day off and it doesn't matter what she does. Hobby/party aren't that different anyway. They're both social engagements. I'd just think she was honest at the time she made the arrangement and didn't think to update you. Presumably you'd have been ok if she and her child had met up with any other friends on the day off?

I would be annoyed because the colleague wasn’t straight about the favour being asked. It’s a shame because you might have said yes anyway. There isn’t much difference in my view between the hobby and the party.

I generally don’t link with work colleagues on Facebook for this very reason. I don’t need to know what everyone is up to.

I'd be annoyed too, you thought you were helping her in an emergency, if her situation changed she should have told you to give you the option to say no to working
Are you going to say anything?

OP, I'm surprised you're getting a hard time here. You were tricked into covering for your colleague's shift. I'd be annoyed too. Definitely worth saying something, so they know they've been rumbled

Are you sure she lied? If you swapped several months ago I don't really see the problem. It was your colleague's day off to do what she wanted with. It's not for you to police her time.

Was her husband there and not at his hobby? Are the DC young meaning that the GPs would not be able to socially distance if they were looking after them? We're the photos you saw definitely from the day she asked you to cover?

If you're planning on bringing it up, I think you need to be sure of the above or you will look really unreasonable. I understand why you are annoyed, but I think you may be annoyed at yourself for saying yes when you didn't want to do it. Don't do that again.