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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is weird right? What possible explanation could there be?

128 replies

Woofbloodywoof · 30/08/2020 21:06

Earlier today I noticed a missed FaceTime call. Because it had an email address instead of a phone number, I recognised the name and realised it was from the ex girlfriend of my ex boyfriend from years and years ago (15 years! Not in touch with him because he is a bit nuts). I never knew or met her and they had long ago split when I briefly dated my ex. I have no idea how she got my contact details. I don’t want to call her back because that would just be too weird but has anybody had this and/or got any idea why she would be contacting me?
(My DH said it must have been a pocket call but I don’t know why she would have my details.)
Obviously this is not quite a case for Jessica Fletcher but still it’s weirding me out a bit.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 30/08/2020 22:07

I got a text message about the death of an acquaintance several years ago. We were close enough that a group of us went to the funeral although TBH I had not ever remembered giving her my number - it might be that it was from a member list from a club we used to attend.

It was her brother who texted me, I could imagine if you're grieving for a loved one making loads of calls to acquaintances could be extremely draining when really all you want to do is let people know so that if they want to they can come to the funeral. By texting it means people can respond in their own space/time and if their response is "Oh, that's sad" but not much more then they don't have to awkwardly make condolences over the phone to a brother/gf/etc they never knew the person well enough to know existed!

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/08/2020 22:09

I’d be curious and message her back myself too. What do you have to lose? Nothing.

whatsoccuringnow · 30/08/2020 22:11

I'd have to message and find out!

GinasGirl · 30/08/2020 22:11

OP I had something similar recently. I saw I'd had a missed FT call from my SIL exdh it was very weird as he's never had my phone number (new number) plus we hated each other!
Asked my SIL if she thought there was any reason he'd be in contact and she had no idea either! I just ignored it in the end.

PhoebeSnow · 30/08/2020 22:11

If it’s important she will call you back, I would leave it as is.

TableFlowerss · 30/08/2020 22:17

@Smallsteps88

has anybody had this and/or got any idea why she would be contacting me?

How, in the name of all that’s holy, could anyone on MN even begin to guess at why she would be contacting you? Grin

That’s exactly what I was thinking 😂
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 30/08/2020 22:18

My inclination is to let sleeping dogs lie on this one, OP. Assuming this call was a mistake (although it's odd than she had your number), because if not it's a little strange. Your ex seemed to have trouble respecting boundaries and the fact that she's face-timed speaks volumes about this from her perspective too. Why do that? Most people would have sent a short text message or made a conventional call and left a voice mail, especially when contacting a stranger out of the blue.

It's natural to be curious but I'd be leaving this one well alone. It's hard to see how anything good could come out of it given the history, and a two month relationship 15 years ago leaves you with zero obligation for anything. If it's that important she can get in touch with you and leave a message.

Divert to mailbox would be my response.

Boatonthehorizon · 30/08/2020 22:19

Just call her and stop being such a scaredy cat.
It could be important.
It's been 15 years. It's probably serious.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 30/08/2020 22:22

Just seen your update:

I’m sooo tempted but it could open up a whole world of weird.

That's your gut talking to you, OP. You'd be wise to listen to it.

Boatonthehorizon · 30/08/2020 22:23

I would consider it VERY bad manners to report a death by text.
She probably abides by this rule too and had probably called scores of people.
Why take it so personally? They're not stalking you, 15 years later!!
Are you a millennial by any chance?

DressingGown · 30/08/2020 22:24

Unless she’s got quite a common name and someone else with that name has pocket dialled you randomly?? 🤷🏻‍♀️

TableFlowerss · 30/08/2020 22:25

So OP only dated him for 2 months about 15 years ago? Is that’s right?

If that’s the case I can’t imaging it would be to let her know he’s dead.

I dated someone for a similar amount of time about the same number of years ago and I’d find it a bit strange that someone I didn’t know properly, would call me up to let me know he had died.

He was a guy I was dating for a few weeks many years ago and whilst it would be sad for the family etc, it would bare no more impact on my life than it would if someone said the next door neighbours uncle died.

herrcomesthenamechanger · 30/08/2020 22:29

Sorry to be a misery guts but I think possibly abuse related (she's pressing charges for something?)

His 'stalkerish' behaviour after 2 months of dating screams red flags to me

Notredamn · 30/08/2020 22:31

Just ring her back to find out why she was calling you.

stormystormysky · 30/08/2020 22:33

I’d ring her back I couldn’t resist the temptation

islockdownoveryet · 30/08/2020 22:34

I think some people on here overthink things. Who knows if she rang for a specific reason or not . I'd message her say you noticed she rang did she want to chat .

FlamedToACrisp · 30/08/2020 22:39

[quote Woofbloodywoof]@Backtoschoolnotsoonenough seeing as one of our dates was him taking me to a kebab ‘restaurant’ (such things do exist and yes they are as underwhelming as you might imagine) and I ended up paying for it, unless he won the lottery in the interim I think that’s unlikely.
But hey. You never know . 😂[/quote]
One of my dates was a trip to McDonalds, followed by a drive in my car around country lanes, ending by chance at the stinging-nettle-strewn entrance to a public refuse tip. I still married him!

Histrionicz · 30/08/2020 22:45

@Woofbloodywoof if she FaceTimed using an email address, can you please email her to ask what it was about? That’s relaxed and non-committal. And I, and I suspect many others, really need to know what she wanted. 😆

MrsEricBana · 30/08/2020 22:46

Just email her and say you had a missed facetime and wondered what it was regarding. 1. She replies 2. She doesn't

Original poster
Woofbloodywoof · 30/08/2020 22:46

@MarieIVanArkleStinks you speak a lot of sense, and I think the reason I’m so unsettled by this is because i always felt there wasn’t something quite right about the ex bf and ended it very quickly. I hope he hasn’t been bothering his other ex (!) in the way quite a few people on here have mentioned.
@FlamedToACrisp oh see now I LOVE McDonald’s. Just not kebabs 😂

OP posts:
Cantthinkofausename · 30/08/2020 22:51

I think you should call her back, if theres no possible way she couldve accidently called then she must need you for something

Palavah · 30/08/2020 22:53

She was doing some social media stalking and accidentally called you from there, that's why it showed up as the email address. If you don't hear anything more from her then forget about it.

GreySkyClouds · 30/08/2020 23:03

@mnahmnah

I would message back, feigning ignorance of who she is, like any other missed call. Just saying ‘I had a missed call from this number, just wondering what it was regarding?’
This.
AnnaSW1 · 30/08/2020 23:04

What @Palavah says

MoaningMinniee · 30/08/2020 23:04

Having done it twice in the past 36 hours it is very very easy to accidentally hit facetime on Messenger. And I have loads of Messenger 'Friends', some of whom aren't actually my friends so much as inherited as Friends of Friends from the past. Nothing horrible or weird, just to do with work or organising hen nights. I'd send a short message, 'Heya, did you need to get hold of me or was it an accidental pocket call? All the best xx'