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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disabled Child Window Stickers

121 replies

muddymommy · 30/08/2020 17:52

Ok, might sound nasty but my neigbour has a 12 year old daughter and has just bought and applied a huge sticker/decal to her car that states "Epileptic child on board, may stop suddenly".
I am a little horrified that she would need to advertise this.
Am I unreasonable?
I have a son with medical conditons but would just pull over in an emergency and not wish for the world to know that he has anything going on. Or for the whole street to know when I am parked up.

OP posts:

DeeTractor · 31/08/2020 11:56

Only on MN. Are people really so thick they can't think of a reason that someone might feel they need to "advertise their child's disability" like this? () Jesus wept.

MorganKitten · 31/08/2020 11:56

@muddymommy

And as I said, my son has health conditions but I would not advertise them to the street, school, neighbourhood, world. I would just pull over and deal with it if needed.

That might be easier for you than her. Epilepsy is scary as hell for everyone witnessing the incident and she might not have time to pull over, she might have to stop straight away.

Underhisi · 31/08/2020 12:39

"Oh, I am also a Mum of disabled children, so I do get it."

No it doesn't mean you get it. Your children may be nothing like any particular child in question and it doesn't make you the expert on what is best for any other child.

MintyMabel · 31/08/2020 13:09

I am a little horrified that she would need to advertise this.

How awful for DD that her disability is "advertised" by her wheelchair.

maggiecate · 31/08/2020 13:14

It’s possible that she’s had to stop somewhere ‘Safe’ but a bit awkward and had grief from people/sounding horns etc and thinks this might give her some breathing space if it happens again.

Mumof2boys2018 · 31/08/2020 13:19

I don't think it's unreasonable
I have an autistic non verbal 3 year old with severe learning difficulties I have a small sticker on the back of my car that states in an emergency there is an autistic non verbal child on board who won't understand instructions, may run off, won't reply etc

I do this for my own piece of mind god forbid I have an accident the emergency services are aware

MintyMabel · 31/08/2020 14:19

I do this for my own piece of mind god forbid I have an accident the emergency services are aware

I have embroidered seatbelt cushion/cover things that advise emergency services DD can't walk. Seems entirely sensible to me.

DarkMintChocolate · 31/08/2020 14:43

DD has uncontrollable epilepsy with all seizure types. She can thrash about, kick the driver or gear lever, try to open doors and scream her head off during a seizure. It is a bit distracting, but we have never stopped suddenly in case someone went into the back of us. Drivers have a lot to take in, imo what with the road, other cars, pedestrians, speed limits and a plethora of road signs to notice necessarily a sticker. We only ever pull over carefully.

DD wouldn’t care about a sticker in a window, although she is bothered by the epilepsy, the drugs, not being able to live a normal life, etc. If she had to wear a sticker, it would bother her! She won’t wear Medic Alert stuff; but that’s because she has a phobia about jewellery!

june2007 · 31/08/2020 14:45

It is one thing to have a label, bracelet badge saying you have a disability, it is another to have this on the window, it does sound like it could be an excuse for unsafe driving. (both my children and husband have had different types of seazures over time i would not use one of these badges and would pull over safely.)
And as for emergency stops, even if I stopped correctly what about a person behind me?

Useruseruserusee · 31/08/2020 14:46

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all.

My toddler is disabled and his condition gives him a pronounced, barking cough. Not great at the present time! The charity for his condition produces badgers and stickers that say the cough is not infectious and very normal for him. We happily use them because people can be very rude about it.

Witchend · 31/08/2020 14:57

I don't think it's unreasonable.

Someone suddenly pulls off to one side in front of you. Safely, but unexpected, and you have to manoeuvre round them. You tend to mutter about them at least, and I bet they get people shouting/beeping horn at an already stressful time.
You see that sticker, and you understand why they've had to and I'd probably wind the window down and ask if they need help.

I think I agree in that it would be better to be less specific, but you may find that if you're less specific people think you're making excuses, or it becomes too long to read: "Warning: person with medical condition: May need to stop quickly" is probably at the outside edge of what people will try to read when driving.
Or it would end up being a larger sticker-which would be more embarrassing for the people, or writing too small-like the one my df edged up in traffic to read which said "if you can read this, then you're too close."

Angelina82 · 31/08/2020 15:05

Seems to me a sensible way to warn other drivers to keep a safe distance incase the child suddenly starts fitting. I can’t understand why this would horrify you. Anyone would think that you believe this woman should be ashamed of her daughter’s epilepsy.

Gancanny · 31/08/2020 15:40

it does sound like it could be an excuse for unsafe driving

Unsafe drivers don't need excuses and if someone was caught driving unsafely then no sticker in the world is going to let them off with it.

GhostCurry · 31/08/2020 20:15

“ it does sound like it could be an excuse for unsafe driving”

Jesus Christ, what world do some people live in? NOBODY consciously chooses to drive unsafely. Nobody walks out their front door thinking, “hope I get into a road accident today.” Or even “cant wait to indulge in some unsafe driving, that this sticker will legitimise”.

FFS.

starlet14 · 31/08/2020 20:25

I don't think she's advertising it. She's warning she may have to make an abrupt stop.

I have a child with autism. When he was younger he was non verbal, had no sense of danger and would often bolt. My worst nightmare was having a crash and he wouldn't respond so I had a sticker that stated my chief and autism. Not so needed now he's a little older and can talk and hold a conversation.

SnackSizeRaisin · 31/08/2020 20:39

A sticker shouldn't be used to enable unsafe driving - if she is unable to drive safely with the daughter then she shouldn't drive at all, but that is probably not the reason for the sticker. It's more likely due to getting abuse from other drivers for needing to stop, likely from people who drive too close, fast or impatiently. If we all drove perfectly such stickers would not be needed.
Disclosing the condition is between parent and child. Personally I wouldn't, but I would be interested to know whether this sticker is a reaction to some road rage or abuse they have received?

Terralee · 31/08/2020 21:06

I'm sorry to say there's still an awful stigma attached to having epilepsy & I definitely would not be putting it on a car window.

I have epilepsy which I take meds for.
I attended a group before coronavirus & all those there with epilepsy were really embarrassed by it & had bad experiences of how we'd been rejected by prospective employers & partners because of it.

I can't drive because of it & cant drink alcohol due to the meds - I explained to one recent date & his expression just changed, he ended the date. Some men are fine with it, others not so.

One friend has been managed out of several jobs because of seizures & others can't even get jobs if they admit to having epilepsy when they apply.
Yet they struggle to get PIP & ESA too so some are literally living off charity.

I was contacted recently on Facebook by a girl I knew at age 13, all she could talk about was that I'd had epilepsy & did I still have it, and wasn't it funny? I blocked her.

Some people's attitudes are still stuck in the dark ages.
Yes I know that these attitudes & the stigma should be challenged but myself & the people I met are not strong enough to keep doing the challenging...

I have 2 problems with the car sticker.

First it labels her as the 'Epileptic child...' well actually she's a child (almost a teenager) who just happens to have epilepsy. Everyone in the neighbourhood will know her by that label.
I've always been taught that you shouldn't label a person by their health condition.

Second, her mother should not be 'stopping suddenly'.
If you're in a car with an individual having a seizure or other health episode think safety first & pull over when it is safe to do so.
As stopping suddenly could cause a terrible accident.
Then try to administer first aid / call for help.

GladAllOver · 01/09/2020 15:09

Any car may have to make an emergency stop. There are any number of reasons why it may happen.
That's why all drivers have to follow at a safe stopping distance, and will be at fault if they hit the car in front. I don't really think the sort of dangerous aggressive driver who follows too closely will bother much about your notice.

DarkMintChocolate · 01/09/2020 16:37

That's why all drivers have to follow at a safe stopping distance, and will be at fault if they hit the car in front.

That is cold comfort if someone crashes into the back of you, admits liability and their insurance company won’t pay for your repairs! Iirc, it took nearly two years for my case to get to court - my solicitors did everything they could to achieve a settlement before getting court and got nowhere!

GladAllOver · 01/09/2020 19:02

I agree - it's happened to me too. (:
But the fact remains that an aggressive too-close driver is not going to take any notice of that sign. He/she believes in their own inflated ability stop, so the sign means nothing to them.

GladAllOver · 01/09/2020 19:03

ability TO stop

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