Disabled Child Window Stickers

[muddymommy]

Ok, might sound nasty but my neigbour has a 12 year old daughter and has just bought and applied a huge sticker/decal to her car that states "Epileptic child on board, may stop suddenly".
I am a little horrified that she would need to advertise this.
Am I unreasonable?
I have a son with medical conditons but would just pull over in an emergency and not wish for the world to know that he has anything going on. Or for the whole street to know when I am parked up.

@TheHappyHerbivore

Lots of people on here talking about how ‘embarrassing’ disabilities shouldn’t be broadcast. Don’t you think there might just be a correlation between people like you complaining that any acknowledgment of a disability is flaunting mortifying personal information, and disabled people feeling embarrassed and stigmatised...?

My child is embarrassed when I tell people she plays piano, or has lost a tooth. She's a kid. She probably be slightly less embarrassed by sharing her SEN, but she'd still be embarrassed. That doesn't make her SEN embarrassing, but it is her information and she should be in charge of how it is shared. She's still annoyed her teacher knew before she did (because of the assessment).

I believe the standard 'child on board' signs are traditionally intended to inform emergency services that there may be a child in the car in the event of an accident Incase they can't immediately be seen.
Some are a bit corny though.

As long as the driver isn't expecting to drive like a knob, I don't see the harm in informing other road users that should they pull over suddenly or in an unusual place that it could be an emergency.

Maybe she's already had an incident where she's had to emergency stop due to her daughters epilepsy and felt this was a good way of warning people that she may have to stop suddenly if it happens again?

Oh for fuck’s sake, OP, does it really matter to you that your neighbour, as the parent of a child with a disabling condition, sees fit to put a sticker in her own car that presumably provides her with comfort that, possibly, in the event of an emergency, will alert services, or maybe is a plea for kindness. I guess that bit passed you by!

In the four pages of this thread, I’ve read emotive language like ‘attention seeking, ‘mortifying’, ‘horrified’, ‘adverting differences’, and that’s only off the top of my head.

I feel annoyed that there’s a perception/misconception that there’s only one way to be/behave as a disabled person or the close relative of a person with a disability. Honestly, have we not learned from the power of the Black Lives Matter movement? It’s such a patronising trope to pretend to be offended on behalf of disabled people who are living lives that you genuinely could not countenance if you think their biggest issue is a sticky label their mum put on the back of their car. I’m surprised no one here has mentioned GDPR or a breach of privacy and then it truly would be a full house for Mumsnet Bingo.

People are different and feel and react differently. I’m the parent of a preteen who is registered blind and she bloody loves her sunflower lanyard as it currently feels, to her, like a talisman that smooths her path through society, especially in these Covid/post-Covid times. No, she fucking isn’t flaunting her sight loss, or seeking attention, or feeling the need to be ‘ashamed’ or ‘mortified’. She’d rather signal to the more observant among you, that despite first-glance appearances, she has some issues with navigating her way through everyday life, especially as she doesn’t use a cane or a Guide dog.

Honestly, it seems like being disabling is the last bastion of being an offensive twat on Mumsnet because people will have their arses handed to them on a plate if they’re racist or fall foul of the transgender debate.

Should say disablist...

What are you worried might happen as a result of this sticker? What exactly is the reason for the horror?

YANBU OP and I hope she doesn't stop suddenly infront of me and my kids and instead pulls over safely like a normal person. Sounds attention seeking tbh.

YABU and people have automatically assumed the DD in question hates the sticker and is embarrassed and against this. Not all 12 year olds are the same. It may well have been done with consent.

@ILoveFood87

YANBU OP and I hope she doesn't stop suddenly infront of me and my kids and instead pulls over safely like a normal person. Sounds attention seeking tbh.

Why, aren’t you able to manage an emergency stop? If not, maybe you shouldn’t be driving, and most certainly not with vulnerable children in the back of your car.

Threads where a disabled child has acted unexpectedly due to their disability: "Well maybe the parent should have just explained that the child has a disability and then people would be more understanding..."

Thread where someone has explained they may need to take a certain action due to child's disability: "They're just attention seeking..."

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Nowhere has it been indicated that the mother will do an emergency stop on a motorway or screech to a halt in the middle of the road, the sign says she may stop suddenly but doesn't say unsafely and is basically warning drivers she may need to pull in suddenly so they need to keep an appropriate distance - how irritating is it when you want to pull in but some idiot is right up your exhaust pipe? Even more irritating if you need to pull over asap, I'd imagine.

The signs hurts no one, is no business of the OP's, and yet plenty of people here are so quick to judge it.

I hope she doesn't stop suddenly infront of me and my kids and instead pulls over safely like a normal person

You should be leaving an appropriate gap so that you have time to react should the vehicle in front of you perform an emergency stop. If you can't stop in time then you were too close.

"Attention seeking" ffs.
Yep, I bet she feels so special....

@SheldontheWonderSchlong

"Attention seeking" ffs. Yep, I bet she feels so special....

I know, get me with my blind kid, strutting down the street like I own it. Gimmee attention, gimmee attention.

She probably ought to get her hazard lights fixed.

I saw "Sleep deprived parent at the wheel!" in comic sans on the back of a car today.

"Attention seeking"...a MN obsession. Perhaps the mother should just keep the child in a sack all the time. Or is that virtue signalling?

I find the idea incredible dangerous if you are not able to safely drive then don't - sure people can put stickers to say whatever they want but unless a sticker is for fun then it is there for a reason?

like stickers on house doors saying no cold callers they are there for a purpose not just to look pretty so what is the driver trying to say apart from the fact they may cause an accident so watch out?

If there is some other hidden message that the general public do not know about the particular disability and it is a code for help or whatever fine

If it is just to look good or for some other reason fine too but I personally don't get it

To look good? Like a new haircut or expensive handbag?
Attention from whom?
Passing motorists must be blown away by this woman’s need for attention and do what? Follow her home and help her out?
Her child has a dangerous health condition not achieved best in gymnastics.
Does using a guide dog mean that person is advertising for people with limited sight, and if they aren’t they shouldn’t use it because it would be attention seeking?
What the fuck is wrong with people?
IT IS NOT A FREE PASS to emergency stop or drive the wrong way round a roundabout or switch lanes will nilly- think of it as being LIKE an indicator- it’s letting you know a manoeuvre could happen. I’d be happy to be alerted that something unexpected might happen.

It’s actually got f all to do with you. Move on

If I was travelling behind a vehicle with this sticker and they pulled over suddenly I would pull over and offer assistance.
But in saying that my daughter would not allow me to put a sticker on my car as she would be embarrassed. I have taught children that have such severed epilepsy that they have cognitive issues. When they have seizures it is very very scary and almost always life threatening. I wouldn’t imagine that those children would care either way if there was a sticker on their car.
I guess we just don’t know the reasoning behind the sticker but I would not be so quick to judge the life of another and the decisions they make as a family.

When studying the various models of disabilities for my degree. It is often said that many parents are barriers to equality and inclusion because they often use the tragedy/medical discourses. I think on the whole this thread proves that point. Advertising someone’s disability is not OK. It is not inclusive. Equally we shouldn’t have to label people and stick big neon stickers/lanyards to people. It’s much bigger than that. As a society we should be fighting for more equality and inclusion without public identification and virtual flashing lights. Stickers and lanyards wouldn’t be necessary if we lived in a true and equal society. We don’t, we live in one where inclusion and equality is pure lip service. Instead disabled children and adults have to face their deficits everyday because the people surrounding them impose that status quo.

Oh, I am also a Mum of disabled children, so I do get it. I’m very careful not to use tragedy/medical discourses around them though.

My nephew is diabetic. He has a tag on his seat belt which states is medical condition and emergency numbers. Just in case they are involved in a crash or anything to alert the medical staff. I think it a brilliant idea.

Maybe you neighbour is thinking along the same lines ?

Also If I was driving behind this car, and this happened. I would get out an offer assistance, like I assume most people would.

If a car randomly stopped with out this, I'd most likely beep my horn and drive off.

I have a family member who could also have an epileptic fit at any time, but no way would I be advertising the fact by putting a sticker in the car window for all to see. It's his business and our business, noone elses. If I need to pull over I will do so safely, not dangerously pull to a stop and use a sticker as a get out clause.

"Stickers and lanyards wouldn’t be necessary if we lived in a true and equal society. We don’t, we live in one where inclusion and equality is pure lip service. Instead disabled children and adults have to face their deficits everyday because the people surrounding them impose that status quo."

I think that's a bit unfair. Hidden disabilities are just that, hidden. So you cant blame someone for not knowing until it becomes obvious to them. I've discovered most people are genuinely helpful once they discover someone has a disability. The lanyards just show people they have a hidden disability but not what it is, most people assume autism, but that's not always the case.

For many the sticker is because other people need the information. Although my DS is not in a wheelchair I still need access to the boot of my mini van. Without a sticker people will park as close as possible. I have no option of having a sticker as it was a condition of the charity who arranged a custom made harness for my child (why I need boot access). So a random person can judge all they like but like most things individual choices usually have individual reasons.