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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disabled Child Window Stickers

121 replies

muddymommy · 30/08/2020 17:52

Ok, might sound nasty but my neigbour has a 12 year old daughter and has just bought and applied a huge sticker/decal to her car that states "Epileptic child on board, may stop suddenly".
I am a little horrified that she would need to advertise this.
Am I unreasonable?
I have a son with medical conditons but would just pull over in an emergency and not wish for the world to know that he has anything going on. Or for the whole street to know when I am parked up.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 30/08/2020 18:40

@AvocadosBeforeMortgages

YANBU

And the 12 year old, being the age she is, is probably mortified at having her medical information plastered up the family car

That would be my issue. My DD is ashamed of all sorts of random stuff we do and I can't imagine she'd like her SEN plastered over my car.
Underhisi · 30/08/2020 18:44

You must lead a very sheltered life if you find that 'horrifying'.

SummerHouse · 30/08/2020 18:48

I might get one. "Nervous driver: may panic and behave illogically and irrationally if under pressure such as determining the correct lane on a very large roundabout. In such cases driver will go round the roundabout multiple times or follow car in front regardless of desired route."

Thefaceofboe · 30/08/2020 18:50

@muddymommy you’re acting like having epilepsy is something to be ashamed of?

Gancanny · 30/08/2020 18:51

Why is it any business or concern of yours what she sticks to her car? If it helps her to feel more prepared for a scenario where her daughter might have a fit while in the car then let her get on with it, no need to be horrified.

pigsDOfly · 30/08/2020 18:51

I don't really understand what the person with a sticker like that is trying to convey.

If it's because she might have to stop suddenly, surely that's no different from anyone else having to stop suddenly in an emergency.

However, no one has a sticker in their car saying that other drivers need to be aware that if a child run out in front of their car they will slam their bakes on. And anyway, wouldn't she try to pull over safely, rather than slam her brakes on.

It's a bit like the child on board stickers. I'm pretty certain that they make no difference to how other drivers behave around a car with them.

Sensible driver will drive sensibly and observe stopping distances. Bad driver will drive badly, often tailgating, regardless of the sticker someone has in their car.

Can't see the point tbh.

BlankTimes · 30/08/2020 18:52

My DD is adult and didn't want me to display the invisible disabilities sticker on my car.

She's also not keen on wearing the sunflower lanyard, she only started wearing it during lockdown when supermarket door staff were stating only one person per trolley.

No different to displaying a blue badge
The Blue Badge is only displayed on the dashboard when you are parking in a space where it needs to be shown.
A sticker identifying an occupant of the car as disabled which is displayed on the car is there permanently.

Disabled Child Window Stickers
TheHappyHerbivore · 30/08/2020 18:53

She’s making sure people don’t tailgate her in case she has to do an emergency stop.

It’s not at all uncommon for adaptations made to assist and protect disabled people to not be understood, but that doesn’t make them stupid or pointless.

Gancanny · 30/08/2020 18:53

We have tag on DS1 seatbelt and on the side of DS2 carseat stating that they are autistic and may not cooperate in the event of an accident.

bookmum08 · 30/08/2020 18:54

I remember a tv show ages ago (probably a law and order/CSI type thing) where a character was dragged violently from a car by police because he failed to "get out of the car" when told to. Turned out the character was unable to walk and needed his wheelchair. Obviously that was fictional but often something as simple as a window sticker can make an important difference.

Original poster
muddymommy · 30/08/2020 18:54

Just to clarify...I am not horrified by her epilepsy but worried about the repercussions that plastering it all over the rear of the car might bring for the child.

OP posts:
Gancanny · 30/08/2020 18:55

Maybe it makes her feel less anxious about her DD potentially having a seizure in the car. It doesn't matter if the sticker is necessary or not, simply having it may help her feel more prepared and like she is doing something.

bookmum08 · 30/08/2020 18:55

What repercussions do you think will happen?

Itisasecret · 30/08/2020 18:56

I agree with you and from an equality point of view. Well it’s a full on pity/medical discourse going on there. My son is Autistic, he was non verbal and went to a specialist school. He’s now a young man, with quite the voice. He said to me, “I’m so glad you didn’t ever do the whole sunflower lanyard thing. I don’t understand why parents advertise their child’s medical history”.

It’s not about being ashamed, the whole labelling thing. It runs deeper than that. People shouldn’t need to have labels/stickers/lanyards to have equality. It’s actually a really negative concept. It focuses on the deficit/medical/pity model of inclusion.

Butterer · 30/08/2020 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gancanny · 30/08/2020 18:57

At the age of 12 I think the DD is old enough to tell her mum if she wants her to take the sticker off the car. That'll be between the two of them, no need for you to worry about hypothetical repercussions.

Boulshired · 30/08/2020 18:59

I have to have a sticker as DS2 has a magnetic harness that is then attached to his seat. In any emergency they would need a sharp knife or specially designed tool which is in the glove compartment to free him. His safety is the most important thing. He does not have the cognitive ability to care who know though.

Gancanny · 30/08/2020 18:59

It’s not about being ashamed, the whole labelling thing. It runs deeper than that. People shouldn’t need to have labels/stickers/lanyards to have equality

But then you see threads on here and you hear comments in RL where someone is judging someone else's child/parenting and they will say there were "no obvious special needs" so you can see why some people want a visual indicator to try and shut up the judgemental types.

Clymene · 30/08/2020 19:01

@muddymommy

Just to clarify...I am not horrified by her epilepsy but worried about the repercussions that plastering it all over the rear of the car might bring for the child.
What repercussions do you think there might be?
trappedsincesundaymorn · 30/08/2020 19:01

@bookmum08

What repercussions do you think will happen?
Being judged by the neighbours apparently.
Itisasecret · 30/08/2020 19:05

@Gancanny

It’s not about being ashamed, the whole labelling thing. It runs deeper than that. People shouldn’t need to have labels/stickers/lanyards to have equality

But then you see threads on here and you hear comments in RL where someone is judging someone else's child/parenting and they will say there were "no obvious special needs" so you can see why some people want a visual indicator to try and shut up the judgemental types.

Indeed. However like my post said, it goes deeper than that. Society is still actually really poor when it comes to disability inclusion and equality. Which means parents and professionals stil feel the need to use medical/deficit/tragedy/pity discourses and responses.

Chucking a label at a label will not help in the long term.

MaskingForIt · 30/08/2020 19:08

@Butterer Ooh! I remember being told that child/baby on board stickers are actually to alert emergency services if the vehicle's in a crash, for example.

This only works if people remove their “princess on board” sticker when they don’t have the child in the car. Otherwise the emergency services will be searching for a “princess” or “little man” who is tucked up asleep at home with Dad.

They don’t remove them though, a. because they are thick, and b. because they REALLY want to advertise “I got laid and had a child”.

TheHappyHerbivore · 30/08/2020 19:10

The only negative repercussions I can envisage from this are the ones you’re exhibiting OP - judging them because you don’t understand theIt decision. This is a you problem, not a them problem.

Gancanny · 30/08/2020 19:10

Society is still actually really poor when it comes to disability inclusion and equality

I wholeheartedly agree with you there, there is an awful undercurrent in society that equality and inclusion are good and that they must happen provided it doesn't inconvenience non-disabled people. It's basically paying lip service the inclusion without actually being inclusive.

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 30/08/2020 19:11

@MaskingForIt

YANBU It seems nowadays that a child with special needs is the must-have accessory for a certain type of parent, and stickers advertising he child’s difficulties seems to be a manifestation of this.
What a thoroughly shitty attitude. I'd gladly give my life for my child not to be disabled/have SEN and be able to live an independent normal life. Unbelievable to think that if I draw attention to their needs for any reason people like you will think I'm flaunting a must- have accessory.