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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT have another mum ring me and demand I keep my son away from her son in class, because HER son hits mine?

78 replies

ScaryScaryNight · 05/10/2007 17:07

She rang in outrage 3.30 pm on a friday afternoon. Again she had been told her son had been nasty to mine, and she demanded I say the following to my son: "Can you STOP playing with X because X's mum says so?".

I am pretty shook up, she was very rude. Her son is my sons best friend in class, and sometimes they squibble. And sometimes her son pushes mine, kids do that. My son is also the only child her child plays with. She says she rather her son have NO friends in school, than a friend that provokes him to nasty ness, as it will not be good for his record.

She also referred to an incident last year where her son had pushed my sons drinking bottle up his mouth so my sons lip split, and this ended up on her sons record card "So thank you very much for that one" she said to me!

I rang the school after wanting to hear what happened today from his teacher, but got to talk to Headmistress. I have a meeting with her on monday morning to discuss. Dont really know what to think about all this.

This woman is demanding my son and her son is not talking in class. They should be completely separated, as her son needs to focus on his grades and his school work. They are in year 1. Opinions please?

OP posts:
NoBiggy · 05/10/2007 17:10

She's a nucking fut.

Responsibility for her son's problems lie closer to home, I would suggest.

lemonaid · 05/10/2007 17:11

She's a loon.

Not a terribly constructive or helpful opinion, granted, but she is...

GrapefruitMoon · 05/10/2007 17:12

After a conversation like that i would not want my child to continue to be friends with her ds anyway! It might be galling to do as she asked but really, it might benefit your ds in the long run if he made new friends...

cornsilk · 05/10/2007 17:13

Her son will not thank her.

ChasingSquirrels · 05/10/2007 17:14

ditto everyone else.

NAB3 · 05/10/2007 17:14

She is a bully. She can't do this. Speak to the school.

Roseylea · 05/10/2007 17:15

For goodness' sake, he has to concentrate on his grades in year 1???

What about his social skills? Learning how to be a friend? (wanders off muttering about the blimmin' National Curricuum and where it's got us...)

Elasticwoman · 05/10/2007 17:17

If you tell the head what you've put on here, that will be a good start. My opinion would be, you cannot arrange kids' friendships for them, and she was very silly and rude to telephone you. She has no right to tell you what she thinks you ought to say to your own son, and should concentrate on raising her own son. School isn't just about grades and school work, it's about learning to get on with people.

Elasticwoman · 05/10/2007 17:19

btw Roseylea, mad mothers such as the one in question existed long before the national curriculum.

Bouncingturtle · 05/10/2007 17:19

How did she get your number? I would be very angry if it turned out the school had given it to her.
I feel sorry for her ds - she is obviously certifiable.
Sad to say, it might be an idea to suggest to your son that he drops this boy as a friend, his mum sounds totally unreasonable and I fear things will only get worse. I take it your son has other friends in his class?

pyjamagirlgotbitbyvampires · 05/10/2007 17:21

she's the closest thing to crazy
that is madness I am seething with rage for you tell teh staff about this converstaion she sounds liek a nutjob

dustystar · 05/10/2007 17:21

OMG she's a nutjob

My ds is a bit over the top and sometimes ends up hurting his friends but I would never in a million years blame the other children for it

I agree that you should speak to the school about this

MyTwopenceworth · 05/10/2007 17:24

She's a nut. She's a loon. She's a loony toon. In fact, you should drop an anvil on her head and say "That's all folks"

muppetgirl · 05/10/2007 17:24

I was going to ask that bc...

I would make notes on the converstaion she had with you and take these to the meeting with the head. I would ask the teacher what strategies she has in place to help your child deal with this child as there seems to be a number of incidences.

Though, at least, it is very apparent where the little boys gets his anti social skills from

muppetgirl · 05/10/2007 17:25

i meant bouncing turtle -bT not bc

Vikkin · 05/10/2007 17:28

Poor, poor boy (hers, not yours). Yours sounds like the epitome of patience tolerance and understanding. If that was our ds, dh would have been secretly whispering into his ear behind my back "Go on, just bop him one back".
I think you should print this thread out on Monday morning and take it with you to see the head. 'I conducted just a little research into whether X's mother's demands were reasonable...and here's the results'.
I think the head should decree the other child has very strict boundaries both within the class and in the playground and that mad mother needs to realise that even if you keep your child away from hers, another child will be picked on and she'll be ringing round the whole class.

Carmenere · 05/10/2007 17:35

Is this not just a fairly normal reaction? I mean lots and lots of parents blame the dreadful behaviour of their offspring on other kids.

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 05/10/2007 17:35

Gawd!

Actually ahev asked for ds1 to be separated rom another child for similar reasons but my son is vulnerable (SN)- and on no accoutn would I approach mum or the child, in fact quite friendly with Mum, was agreed through the school at suggestion of SENCO.

Mum's attitude in phoning you completely OTT imo. her concersn may or may not be valid (although the split lip incident is ahrdly your fault!) but she is dealing with it in completely the wrong way. Have beena ccosted by several aprents in my time, and there's nothing you can do if its in school tie rather than fel bad- and I suspect you,like me, can do that well enough already!

3andnogore · 05/10/2007 17:37

How weird...and how sad for her son
She should be thankful that you are not one of those mums that kicks up when their precious angel gets hurt...

Original poster
ScaryScaryNight · 05/10/2007 17:49

Thanks for input guys.

My son and he used to make drawings for eachother, and give eachother nice pebbles they found etc. A couple of weeks ago my son told me that his friend had said to him to "stop giving me things, because my mum is going to come and slap your bottom".

And when she picked him up from school today, and the teacher told her that her son had slapped my sons fingers and punched him in the stomach, she was screaming at him, and pushing him and smacking him.

I think you are right, the reason for his behaviour is closer to home and NOT my son. I know my son never really punches, he is too gentle for that, as he is a little too worried to stand up for himself.

The whole saga is very sad.

OP posts:
dustystar · 05/10/2007 17:51

Poor little boy

MyTwopenceworth · 05/10/2007 17:54

So her son is aggressive and she tells him off about this by, er, being aggressive.

If you whisper in her ear do you hear an echo?

Blondilocks · 05/10/2007 17:54

I'd appreciate knowing if my child was bullying etc, but maybe not via a phonecall if this is someone who wouldn't normally phone me anyway - a bit of an invasion of privacy perhaps.

But to ask that they are kept apart & to tell them not to play together any more is a bit much, esp as it appears that both parties are involved as much as the other!

She seems a bit crazy!

Blondilocks · 05/10/2007 17:56

Sorry didn't mean that to sound that your son is bad too, but what I meant was they both squabble etc & act like most kids do!

Fireflyfairy2 · 05/10/2007 17:57

So, she thinks your son is provoking her son?

Weirdo.

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