Families weird about us getting rid of stuff.

[starlet14]

Are anyone else's families weird about you getting rid of stuff. Particularly parents or in laws (maybe it's an older generation thing) weird when it comes to getting rid of things?

I'm not talking about their own stuff. I have no idea about that. But ours!

We've ordered a new sofa. We get questions like what's wrong with your old one? What are you doing with old one?? Current sofa is 9 years old. Although not completely wrecked it's worn, lost shape and there's glitter embedded in it from DD (glitter & leather is evil). I've also never chose a new sofa before. This one oh picked out before I moved in. I had a second hand one in my ole place so it's rather exciting for me!

But they are asking why I'm wasting money on a sofa etc.

Also, it goes further. They often want us to give them our second hand stuff - I'm talking appliances, furnishings etc. I mean it's not in terrible condition and some we could sell for £££! Some we donate to a worthy cause but they want everything.

^^ They aren't short of money or anything! Just a bit weird about stuff being sold. Some of it they would just store in the garage. Sure they are hoarders.

They also try and give us stuff they've found in their own attics. Much to my annoyance.

In laws wanting a manky rug we'd had for years!

I had a couple bags of items for the charity shop in my boot. Last time we spent time with mil she went through my charity shops - it was mainly kids clothes.

Aibu to find this really bleddy annoying? Is this normal? What do I do?

Lockdown was lovely. Didn't have to spend much time with them!!

Some people are very frugal and/or hate waste for a variety of reasons e.g. growing up (or still being) not very well off, or being very environmentally conscious. Or even just having a hoarding mindset.
I get it's anonoying though. Either give them the stuff and forget about it, or stand firm and say you're giving to charity.

Yes both my parents and my in laws are like this, it drives me crackers! My mum will actually go through the bin if she knows I've had a clearout and she happens to be around...ridiculous!!

Don't mention getting anything new until the old one has gone. If they keep taking your old stuff then one day you will have to throw it out all over again as you clear their house.

Say you are giving it to a homeless charity or a shelter. Nothing wrong with PIL being thrifty but no need to aid the hoarding tendency.
'Things from the Attic' well, hand blown glass Victorian Xmas decs, mmm yes please, that 70's mattress and lamp, er no thanks!
Arm yourself with some stock phrases, 'Thank you but it won't pass the insurance fire regulations' 'That's really not to my taste but thank you for offering.'
Stand your ground. Be firm.

My mum had a fit when I sold a statuette once. Sure, she'd bought it for me, as a wedding gift (statuette of a couple), but after the divorce and carting it to two houses after that, still in its box, I needed the cash, and I had zero attachment to it.

I'm quite ruthless these days, but very considerate about what I buy so as not to end up with more junk

My mother is like this (my father to a lesser extent too) - last time they came to stay, they left me a bag of old tea towels "thought you might need these" why?!?!

We have just moved house, the last thing we need is more stuff to sort through.

My Nan can be like this. It comes from not having a lot and thinking people should just make do. People don’t always have to just make do like she did at my age. She also has hoarding tendencies and hates throwing things away.
If I throw clothes away because they are damaged or for whatever reason I’ve seen her go down the bin and get them out to give to someone... I now have to put things directly in the grey bin outside rather than the inside bin. I give anything worth someone else wearing to charity but sometimes things need throwing away!

My in-laws are like this. They said exactly the same thing when we got rid of our ten year old sofa. They also frequently ‘gift’ us second hand stuff we definitely don’t want. They live a couple of hours away as usually get the train so when they say they’re driving down become fearful over what tut they will fill the car with!

I don't mention I am getting anything, I don't say when I've chucked stuff out. If people turn up with stuff I don't want, it goes out as soon as they've left. 2 years ago I Marie Kondo'd so if they say anything it's usually that it's "minimalist" which is how we like it as it's easier to clean.

I must admit I'm becoming more like it, the older I get

My relatives are all like it. Step mum is the opposite but we are always happy with her cast offs like a lovely garden set when they moved.

She also gave dd lovely furniture for their house,

I have some of my parents furniture

However if I want new stuff they wouldn't care either

My in-laws are like this. They’re very sneering when we buy anything new and demand we give it go my S/BIL for free, even if we planned on selling it. These siblings are on huge salaries too. Once my H’s sibling said they’d buy it, which we agreed to, and then the whole family tried to pretend We’d said they could have it free! Made me so angry. It was a really expensive item, too. Ugh.

My mother done this recently. We got a skip and had a clear out of crap, broken toys, broken picture frames and naff wedding gifts that id be embarrassed to send to charity shop.
She kept messaging me about the frames and wanting me to keep them so she could paint them.
I have 2 bags of clothes for charity shop, again she went through them and took tops that she gave me ages ago!!!!
It rages me.

Currently going through this with my parents and In Laws re our dining room table. It's currently in the second bedroom of our two bed flat and with a baby due, it needs to go so we can change the room into an nursery. They're all aghast that we would get rid of a perfectly good table, that we've 'only' had for ten years. They only stopped moaning about us being wasteful and having future regrets about getting rid when I asked them to come round and show us exactly where to move it to instead. Our flat is tiny we don't have any more room despite MIL best efforts with her tape measure.

We've offered it to lots of people as it is too good for landfill and if they don't want it it'll go to the charity shop.

Sorry, they demand we give the old thing to SIL or BIL.

My mum can be like this about clothes and shoes. She definitely holds onto (hoards) clothes and shoes, although she has plenty of room to do so. Several times over the years, I have mentioned that I'm going through drawers, wardrobes, etc, and gathering things to donate. Every time she gets distressed... "What if you need it again?! Maybe I can use the clothes." Well, she's 5'6" and I'm 6 feet tall, so no, she will not be wearing my clothes or shoes.

It's just weird.

People who grew up during or just after the war can be very frugal. I didn’t, but I do think that big purchases eg furniture should last you a lifetime.

I grew up poor and TBH I can be a bit too focused on finding a new home for things we have replaced. I think it helps assuage my guilt and also, I was pretty much clothed in other people's cast-offs at times. I do try not to be annoying about it, and recycling helps me to work through the tattie end of cast offs without too much of an issue these days.

*tattier

My gran was like this, definitely a generational thing coming from a time when people had to make do.

Yes my parents are like this and my grandparents were even worse. As others have said I think they were used to "making do" and also stuff in days gone by was made to last a lifetime. It really isn't any more and they don't get that. (We do have some of PIL's antique furniture and it's really nice and in great condition still. But sofas we bought brand new 20 years ago have gone to the tip and been replaced!)

I'm quite frugal and have been surprised to be told that a camera or telly only a few years old which has stopped working isn't worth repairing. It's cheaper to chuck it in the bin and buy a new one.

My mum gets offended at the idea of new getting rid of stuff she once gave me, even though when I've offered it back suddenly she doesn't want it in HER house! Now I just get rid quietly.

In laws (mostly lovely) are a bit like this. When we moved into our house, the previous owners had left the (horrific) floral curtains. MIL was very upset when I said we were going to replace them since they were "good quality" and must have been expensive. So we bundled them to and took them to MIL and now they're cluttering her loft rather than ours.

Some of us in the "older generation" are more frugal. I always offer to take my daughter's discards to the charity shop. When she fills my car boot up, I go thru the stuff before I deliver it. Some I give to neighbors for their children/grandchildren or to people I know who need it -- my cleaner, gardener, etc. I would rather see it go for free to people who really need and will use it than have it tagged for bargain-hunters in a store.

Years ago I had some stuff bagged up to go to the dump, my DF was also going there so he offered to collect my crap and take it too.
I was at work when he, My DM and DGM came to pick it up so I left a key and they let themselves in. DM and DGM then proceeded to open the bin bags I’d filled and rifle through everything I wanted to get rid of, they then made a pile of what they thought I shouldn’t throw away (old useless Knick knacks and random crap that cluttered up the place) and only took what they thought was dump-worthy!! I was livid, never ever accepted offers to take stuff to the dump again. I only ended up taking the left over shit to the dump myself so they wasted their time completely.

That gives me the rage too honeylulu. I've just replaced a TV after 15+ years and wonder if the new one will last as long...

We have this with fil. We moved house and now have an induction hob, our (bog standard, old, not posh at all) saucepans don't work on induction. I couldn't charity shop them as fil wanted to keep them (in paid storage in a box), despite them also planning to get an induction hob so they could never use them. Bonkers.
That example is the tip of the iceberg. It's madness.