Families weird about us getting rid of stuff.

[starlet14]

Are anyone else's families weird about you getting rid of stuff. Particularly parents or in laws (maybe it's an older generation thing) weird when it comes to getting rid of things?

I'm not talking about their own stuff. I have no idea about that. But ours!

We've ordered a new sofa. We get questions like what's wrong with your old one? What are you doing with old one?? Current sofa is 9 years old. Although not completely wrecked it's worn, lost shape and there's glitter embedded in it from DD (glitter & leather is evil). I've also never chose a new sofa before. This one oh picked out before I moved in. I had a second hand one in my ole place so it's rather exciting for me!

But they are asking why I'm wasting money on a sofa etc.

Also, it goes further. They often want us to give them our second hand stuff - I'm talking appliances, furnishings etc. I mean it's not in terrible condition and some we could sell for £££! Some we donate to a worthy cause but they want everything.

^^ They aren't short of money or anything! Just a bit weird about stuff being sold. Some of it they would just store in the garage. Sure they are hoarders.

They also try and give us stuff they've found in their own attics. Much to my annoyance.

In laws wanting a manky rug we'd had for years!

I had a couple bags of items for the charity shop in my boot. Last time we spent time with mil she went through my charity shops - it was mainly kids clothes.

Aibu to find this really bleddy annoying? Is this normal? What do I do?

Lockdown was lovely. Didn't have to spend much time with them!!

OH GOD my dad never threw anything away and, god rest him, now he's gone my mum has taken over the mantle of 'keep it just in case'. Even if it's broken/ugly/dangerous/out of date/no one bloody wants it!!

She used to moan about all the stuff he made her keep and now she's worse than he was.

My mother lives with us now and lord we've had some rows over all this crap. She hasn't touched some of it for 15+ years. There are still things drifting about in the garage which were not particularly new when i was a kid in the early 70s. Things like wobbly step stools, 'nest' table sets and dodgy fold up pic-nic tables. It's all still there after 50 years moldering away ... She's 84. She can't even get in the garage 'cos she too doddery. We need to chuck it out to make space and put my mind at peace - i hate clutter, and the rows we're having over it all!

sorry OP. rant over.

Happy to have had second hand stuff, did when recently divorced, my parents lived 180 miles away, so didn’t tell them, when I replaced, very old ( and iced very quickly) and annoying washer dryer, the washer dryer was gifted to someone else.
I have a house renovation recently, my really old 15 yr old plus sharp microwave was regifted too, and yes I did feel guilty having new stuff.
Tho lots was getting unfit

I think it’s best not to have discussions about your stuff in the first place ?

I’m all for recycling via a charity shop, but I’m a minimalist by nature, so will get rid if I need to. My mum is forever asking me to take stuff from her house. She has her mum’s and grandma’s crockery. Blowed if I know where she thinks I”d put it.

Yes. My in laws are like this. They have kept a 4 bed house full of furniture from when DH's grandpa died in paid storage/a garage. Everything we replace goes to SiL whether she wants it or not. They kept hideous lime green curtains in their new house because there was "nothing" wrong with them. This is nothing to do with the war. They were born middle-class and in the 1960s!

My in-laws are also like it with.......food. There’s stuff in the freezer from 15/20 years previously. It is occasionally defrosted and served up proudly. Makes me wince and we only ever find out afterwards. Everything in the fridge is mouldy but that is scraped off and the bit underneath, used. I’m a disregarder of use-by dates but that’s a bit too far.

My in-laws are also like it with.......food. There’s stuff in the freezer from 15/20 years previously. It is occasionally defrosted and served up proudly. Makes me wince and we only ever find out afterwards. Everything in the fridge is mouldy but that is scraped off and the bit underneath, used. I’m a disregarder of use-by dates but that’s a bit too far.

Fucking hell, that is grim.

My in laws are weird with beds. So they stay with us once a week and we had a sofa bed in the spare room (had moved from a 1 bed flat to a 3 bed house) so they brought us a double bed. We got rid of the sofa bed. My SIL is now buying her own house and taking the bed back. No word on what they'll actually be sleeping on once a week....

Yes, we asked sil for help clearing mil's place out after she died. Sil wouldn't take any of the stuff for recycling and, instead, made little piles of bedding and towels around the empty flat.

She simply couldn't comprehend that I didn't want someone's old towels, cutlery or dinner plates

Me and dh ended up by having to do the whole clearout job ourselves.

Just don't tell them about, say, a new sofa until the old one has gone and the new one arrived. If you have anything you want to sell, do so before telling them about. it. Better still, don't mention it at all!

My whole family is boarding on hoarders. They are always complaining that their homes are cluttered but are seemingly incapable of throwing anything away in case they need it one day.

We're talking boxes that toys have come in in the living room for months, multiple folders of bank statements going back years, surfaces covered in odd notebooks, pens, slips of paper and a garage chock-full of old furniture etc. Their houses make me feel a little stressed, to be honest!

I'm not like this at all - perhaps a reaction to growing up in a cluttered home - and when they come over to mine they seemingly admire how tidy it is. But when I mention throwing away, selling, or taking things to the charity shop when no longer useful, they act as though I've somehow 'cheated'.

All really odd, love them to bits but I just don't get it!

My dad is very thrifty, if any of the neighbours are getting rid of fence panels or leaving anything out for scrap, he has them. Been known to go through skips. He was one of 5 lads growing up I don't think they threw anything away. If someone was getting rid of a sofa after a good 16 years use, another family member would be keen to take it. I was getting rid of mattress and he jumped at taking it and my 20 year old fence panels, flower pots, clothes or shoes. He wears my brothers trainers from his teens (brother is 40 this year) and still wears t shirts I throw out 16 years ago. But they are comfortable and have a good pension!

And takes mick out of us if we buy anything new! Asking how much did that cost, whats up with the other one? You must be loaded! I'm not!!!!

@Clearthinking

My dad is very thrifty, if any of the neighbours are getting rid of fence panels or leaving anything out for scrap, he has them. Been known to go through skips. He was one of 5 lads growing up I don't think they threw anything away. If someone was getting rid of a sofa after a good 16 years use, another family member would be keen to take it. I was getting rid of mattress and he jumped at taking it and my 20 year old fence panels, flower pots, clothes or shoes. He wears my brothers trainers from his teens (brother is 40 this year) and still wears t shirts I throw out 16 years ago. But they are comfortable and have a good pension!

My in laws and DH are like this too, bit like the wombles.

Also bits of wood and other stuff is hidden around the house

We put a big bundle of baby toys on marketplace that DS had grown out of (probably kept them for an extra 6 months really!), my sister had bought some of them. She saw them and messaged me making it very clear that she had "seen them on marketplace" and wasn't happy about it at all! I'm
not sure what she would have done with them, her kids are teen/adults!

I wouldn't mind but she went over the top and just kept buying and buying when we just didn't have the space too! (I never voiced this because I know she would have been offended!)

Just stop telling people your getting rid of something, they don’t need to know and the only correct response to people getting new stuff is “that’s lovely”.

My PlL bought a travel cot when they just came out. It weighed a ton (nothing travel about it, I couldn’t move it on my own) and was massive.
I bought one when DD was born, one that I could lift and actually fit in my car.
They were furious as they’d ‘spent good money on it’. It also stank of fags, it was disgusting.
Took years to get MIL to get rid of it, even when it hadn’t been used in 15 years. It took up so much room as well.

Yes, my parents are like that. Real hoarders, grew up with rationing, and it stayed with them. I'm trying to break the cycle, but it's alien to them.

@GeorgiaGirl52

Some of us in the "older generation" are more frugal. I always offer to take my daughter's discards to the charity shop. When she fills my car boot up, I go thru the stuff before I deliver it. Some I give to neighbors for their children/grandchildren or to people I know who need it -- my cleaner, gardener, etc. I would rather see it go for free to people who really need and will use it than have it tagged for bargain-hunters in a store.

What makes you think that people shopping in charity shops are only after a bargain? I'm a single mum with 2 DC, and despite a FT job, I don't often have much to spare for brand new clothing. Yes, I've had some bargains at charity shops, but it meant I had reasonable clothing, especially for work, on a tight budget.

Yes. And to make matters worse, pre covid I'd come home from work to find garden furniture (paint splattered, but still got life left in it, they'd say), pans, camp bed, picture frame, winter duvet they don't need, plant pots or absolutely anything they were getting rid of, 'helpfully' dropped off at our house!

We are both in our 40s in professional jobs and can afford our own tat, but my parents (retired with basic income!) insist on giving us their cast offs as if we are 18 year olds and just starting out fresh!

My in laws definitely do this. FIL more so and DH is the same in many ways. They’re worried about the waste of money if they get rid, only backed up by the fact if something will make some money back selling it’s fine to go. I just don’t have the same attachment to stuff. They don’t mind if we get something new - they just want to fill our house up with their old stuff too. I had to show DH that every bit of wall didn’t need a piece of furniture up against it.

Mil keeps passing on utter shite that I end up throwing away. I don’t have space for her shite as well as mine . She picks up loads of utter tripe at church fairies then passes it on. My mum is definitely a hoarder but doesn’t try and offload it.

Every time we get someone new we get the same question from mil that is the stupidest fucking question ever. For example we got a lovely new dining table ‘do you like your new table?’ Well of course that why we chose it! ‘Do you like it better than your old one’ well no we hate it but we thought why not Make ourselves really unhappy and buy something worse than what we have 🙄. Every bloody time Ffs!

Perhaps it seems to them that the younger generation are a ' throw away society' Replacing items because they grow tired of them or want to follow a trend. I think their way is the right way.
I love recycled items or things passed down through the family because they have a history. I am all for make do and mend, upcycling things.

I have loads of second hand furniture and am always happy for people to ask me if I want something and don’t ever expect family to buy us new things. (My relatives are mostly lovely). However what I object to is old and often damaged things or things I just have no 100 % no use for being offloaded at my house and presented as gifts in a way which makes me feel like the bad guy for saying I don’t want them. It really surprises me that those that do this rarely give to charity shops but seem to want to fill their house and their relative’s houses up with items the recipients don’t want and don’t have space for. Some of my relatives also keep a massive amount of things ‘for sentimental value’. Of course keep some drawings that your children did 30 years ago but do you need to keep almost every toy they played with and talk about how me and DP will ‘inherit them one day’. I’m a minimalist by nature and this drives me mad .

Mother-in-law will give stuff away, and then expect it to be available should someone else in the family have use of it...
Like the 50 year old flute we part exchanged for a saxophone for dd. When my niece expressed an interest in learning and it wasn’t available to pass on she was most upset.