Families weird about us getting rid of stuff.

[starlet14]

Are anyone else's families weird about you getting rid of stuff. Particularly parents or in laws (maybe it's an older generation thing) weird when it comes to getting rid of things?

I'm not talking about their own stuff. I have no idea about that. But ours!

We've ordered a new sofa. We get questions like what's wrong with your old one? What are you doing with old one?? Current sofa is 9 years old. Although not completely wrecked it's worn, lost shape and there's glitter embedded in it from DD (glitter & leather is evil). I've also never chose a new sofa before. This one oh picked out before I moved in. I had a second hand one in my ole place so it's rather exciting for me!

But they are asking why I'm wasting money on a sofa etc.

Also, it goes further. They often want us to give them our second hand stuff - I'm talking appliances, furnishings etc. I mean it's not in terrible condition and some we could sell for £££! Some we donate to a worthy cause but they want everything.

^^ They aren't short of money or anything! Just a bit weird about stuff being sold. Some of it they would just store in the garage. Sure they are hoarders.

They also try and give us stuff they've found in their own attics. Much to my annoyance.

In laws wanting a manky rug we'd had for years!

I had a couple bags of items for the charity shop in my boot. Last time we spent time with mil she went through my charity shops - it was mainly kids clothes.

Aibu to find this really bleddy annoying? Is this normal? What do I do?

Lockdown was lovely. Didn't have to spend much time with them!!

We’ve also reconfigured her old phone that she gave Ds, she was not happy as she was expecting us to keep her old photos.

@Dogsaresomucheasier she expected you to keep her old photos?! Ha! That is batshit. Why would you’re our son want to look at photos taken by his grandmother?!

Your* not sure what happened there.

My in laws are the exact same! It drives me mad! I don’t tell them when I’m getting rid of anything now!

@Dogsaresomucheasier My grandad was a bit like that. He would lend family members things then when they tried to return them, he wouldn't take them back. We think because he didn't want to use up his own storage space. Years later he would decide he needed it and ask for it back.

My mum is like this. It definitely comes from having bugger all growing up and making do. I'm a bit like this too now. It's good. I'm always aghast at what people get rid of! We've definitely become a throwaway society now. It's sad for the environment.

My DM goes through things I want to get rid of, takes them home and 6 months later, tries to give them back to me, forgetting they were my cast offs in the first place.

But actually, I do think we have a responsibility to recycle useful things that still have life for the sake of the planet. And for people in need. But only for willing recipients!

I'm not as minimalist as I'd like to be because working to this principal can be quite time consuming.

@crimsonlake

Perhaps it seems to them that the younger generation are a ' throw away society' Replacing items because they grow tired of them or want to follow a trend. I think their way is the right way. I love recycled items or things passed down through the family because they have a history. I am all for make do and mend, upcycling things.

There is a middle ground though.

I don't like throwaway myself, but the people here are interfering when items are being sold or donated to charities. Why do they have more right to an item the OP no longer wants than anyone else? Especially if it's just going in their garage! It would be much better for an old table or whatever to go to someone who will actually get some use out of it.

They're also trying to fob their old shit off on OP. If you're into getting as much use out of items, that's absolutely fine, but expecting other people to take them because you can't face chucking them isn't actually sticking to that ideology. It's expecting other people to bear the brunt of your beliefs. If you think an item still has value, you use it, you don't decide for someone else that they have to. There are clear hoarding tendencies here.

Some I give to neighbors for their children/grandchildren or to people I know who need it -- my cleaner, gardener, etc. I would rather see it go for free to people who really need and will use it than have it tagged for bargain-hunters in a store

Are you sure these people really want this toot or are they just being polite and can't wait to bin it?

First off I'd stop telling them what you're doing until you've got rid of it

Agree, dont discuss.

It only opens discussion about if they think you should replace an item and what to do with the other one.

Just let them come into your house and see a new sofa with the old one gone.

@FallonsTeaRoom

Some I give to neighbors for their children/grandchildren or to people I know who need it -- my cleaner, gardener, etc. I would rather see it go for free to people who really need and will use it than have it tagged for bargain-hunters in a store

Are you sure these people really want this toot or are they just being polite and can't wait to bin it?

Agree. It is rather patronising to assume that gardeners and cleaners are poor and need your cast-offs. How embarrassing for you. They probably have to spend time dropping it off at the charity shop on the way home.

@GeorgiaGirl52 - as others have said, are you 100% certain the people you are giving things to actually want them? As in, they have asked you to keep an eye out for childrens clothes in particular sizes or you have said "my daughter is doing a clear out, would you like me to sort out anything for your children?" Or are you handing them items and asking them to take them? Its very hard to say no when someone is handing stuff to you.

But also, charity shops aren't just for bargain hunters, they are for raising money for a cause, and low income families as them to get a quality of clothes they couldn't otherwise afford.

I don’t understand why this supposedly thrifty older generation have so much stuff to off-load into other people. If they were really thrifty they wouldn’t buy new stuff until the old stuff was worn out, and then they’d use it for cleaning rags.

What they really mean is that they want nice new stuff, and think that the younger generation should be grateful for having the dirty old cast-offs that they no longer want. A bit hypocritical really.

I'm usually inclined to chuck stuff out so this would really annoy me.

My inlaws are like this. They have been in the same house for 30 years, have heaps of stuff stored and hoarded. We tend to be quite minimal and like to sell things on or donate them if we arent using them so they dont clutter up our house. They also like to give us their second hand stuff, usually when it's broken and doesnt work anymore but they dont tell us that 😆 we have gotten used to it and just dispose of whatever it is. We also dont tell them if we are getting new stuff like sofas or beds. I think they are just people who like to hold onto things. My FIL thinks he can use it later to fix or make something. They just hold weight and value to many things and like to have lots of things.

On the opposite side, my parents dont but stuff, but have mover over the years so regular clear outs are the norm. They have very sentimental value for things. They are more of an 'experience before things' couple.

People are just different. I think all you can do is accept it and ignore it if it bugs you. Its who they are.

I think it's a generational thing. My in-laws are very frugal but they are the generation that grew up with rationing and shortages, I think it becomes embedded in the mindset.

I hate this memtality. My friends MIL has downsized and is trying to foist her 1950's chipboard furniture on her. Who's got the bloody room nowadays? It's going to the tip, no one will buy it.
When my grandmother died we had to get rid of years of junk, it took ages.

Don't forget that rationing stopped in about 1954, no one under 66 grew up with rationing.

My mum was livid when a work colleague chucked out her (DM) table that was AT LEAST 20 years old, wobbly, and had nowhere to actually fit. We'd been trying to get DM to get rid of the table for years, but she was saying how she could use it as a bed instead by putting a mattress on top of it. I honestly don't understand. She's 56, got bad hips and sleeps pretty much anywhere except the bed (which I bought, and it's very comfortable) and it drives me nuts.

She also can't throw stuff away. Whenever we go over we have to do some for her and even then we know she'll go through it all again.

@Peregrina

Don't forget that rationing stopped in about 1954, no one under 66 grew up with rationing.

True.

I was born late 60s, and certainly am not a hoarder. In fact, I tend to go the other way.

My mother is a hoarder...apart from when it comes to offloading things on me. I’m expected to take it all and keep it all. Anything that I’ve been given, in expected to keep, even if it’s something I will never use. She shows up with more stuff I don’t need every time she visits to the point where it makes me hesitant to invite her. It drives me insane.

I love the programmes on TV which show somebody skilled upcycling what looked like hopeless junk into something of value, but I think this can add to the problem. People watch the programmes and are inspired by the end result, while forgetting the skilled labour bit in the middle.
When I was clearing out the family home, moving to a much smaller terraced house, I knew that I had no need for three sewing machines! I kept my own, sold DM's to a work colleague for a bargain price, but Granny's was beyond use. I got so sick of being told "you could renovate that and turn it into a ..........." (True, but I'm teaching full time which occupies a lot of my time, plus organising a house move, and my skills run more to music and needlework that sandblasting and carpentry)
In the end, I offered it free to anybody who wanted to take it off my hands, taking any money they made with my blessing. No takers. I don't need other people's bright ideas to keep me busy.