Families weird about us getting rid of stuff.

[starlet14]

Are anyone else's families weird about you getting rid of stuff. Particularly parents or in laws (maybe it's an older generation thing) weird when it comes to getting rid of things?

I'm not talking about their own stuff. I have no idea about that. But ours!

We've ordered a new sofa. We get questions like what's wrong with your old one? What are you doing with old one?? Current sofa is 9 years old. Although not completely wrecked it's worn, lost shape and there's glitter embedded in it from DD (glitter & leather is evil). I've also never chose a new sofa before. This one oh picked out before I moved in. I had a second hand one in my ole place so it's rather exciting for me!

But they are asking why I'm wasting money on a sofa etc.

Also, it goes further. They often want us to give them our second hand stuff - I'm talking appliances, furnishings etc. I mean it's not in terrible condition and some we could sell for £££! Some we donate to a worthy cause but they want everything.

^^ They aren't short of money or anything! Just a bit weird about stuff being sold. Some of it they would just store in the garage. Sure they are hoarders.

They also try and give us stuff they've found in their own attics. Much to my annoyance.

In laws wanting a manky rug we'd had for years!

I had a couple bags of items for the charity shop in my boot. Last time we spent time with mil she went through my charity shops - it was mainly kids clothes.

Aibu to find this really bleddy annoying? Is this normal? What do I do?

Lockdown was lovely. Didn't have to spend much time with them!!

My Mum can’t get over the fact that my sister & BIL are moving from their flat to a family home (one child). “What’s wrong with their flat? No need for them to move!”

Reading this thread, I'm convinced that there's some form of control going on with those parents and people trying to foist stuff onto you.

As said previously, it's nothing to do with rationing, most of the people being talked about here seem to be young enough to have missed rationing. It's about their choices for you and not letting you make your own decisions.

The only reason my own furniture is mismatched is that I'm a single mum on a budget, who got given some useful second hand stuff when DC and I left my ex with nothing but our clothing and personal posessions. I now have a house and a reasonable set of furniture, all on a tiny budget from charity shops, etc, as well as the stuff originally gifted to me.

But, If I had the money, I'd be replacing the furniture with my own choice of stuff (and the DC can make choices for their own rooms, too).

(Actually, given that my ex put money over DC and I, I would take great delight if I won the lottery and would make sure he knew that I had a great deal of money that he'd never get his hands on. He bled me dry when we were together, the old joke about kicking him where it hurts being in the wallet wasn't a joke, that wallet of his was welded shut.)

My parents and MIL are like this. There are a few gems of furniture that can be restored. When they give me junk I bin it.

I think a lot of it comes from the fact that stuff used to be made much better, so lasted longer. In their day if you bought a new sofa it would last a lifetime... Compare to now we had our DFS sofa all of 3 weeks before the bottom fell out. The build quality now is just so bad that things need replacing more often.

I think lots of people put extra value on things that are sentimental, but basically everything can be turned into something sentimental. My DHs aunt died a number if years ago, and my inlaws took on sorting her house out. They took on every wardrobe, bed, kitchen utensil, bookshelf. Foe years they spent their time wanting to foist stuff on me and DH and SIL. They took great offence if we didnt want it, or dumped it because it was broken or useless. They just decided every item was sentimental, and we should all have the same sense of sentimentality towards it. I think the younger generation dont have the same ideas.

My DM stopped speaking to me when I threw out a TV that had been broken and she wanted back 5 years later. She told everyone there was absolutely nothing wrong with it (it blew up).

The spare (single) bed at MIL was the most uncomfortable bed in the history of all time. The bed itself was broken and squeaked. The mattress had never been changed in 30 years and was all lumpy. She had struggled to pay for it so therefore had to keep it forever.
She changed her own bed regularly and mattress every 2 years though.

''They just decided every item was sentimental, and we should all have the same sense of sentimentality towards it. I think the younger generation dont have the same ideas.''

Well, it's interesting isn't it. Because there are things i'm sentimental about, but they'll be things i've actually used in my life and grown attached to. Whereas I used to be given stuff which i'd literally never seen around my parents house before because it'd been languishing in their loft for 30 years. How can they say this thing 'sentimental' thing to them?

Like my nan's old cutlery set. The handles all yellowy and tarnished and the cutlery itself huge and heavy. Never seen it before myself - my parents had their own bigger and nicer set ... yes, they didn't want to use it! Yet it was given to me reverently when i moved into my own place even though i'd already bought my own cutlery and i didn't have much room. Thick with dust out of their loft in a tatty wooden box - ''look after this though, it was my mum's ...''. If it was so lovely and full of sentimentality why haven't you been using it yourself?? Why? Because it's 'orrible! But no - i had to tow the line and find somewhere in my little place to bloody stash it. And i did. For 15 years. Then when i came to my senses about this sort of weird mentality i took it to the charity shop and felt liberated.

So i think a lot of this 'passing down' of the wonderful x, y, z (which has been rotting in the loft since 1943) is just a way to get rid but without taking responsibility for saying it's crap and we don't want it. And then we get berated for being brave enough to speak the truth and chuck it out!

Exactly @Laiste !
My parents and ILs have inherited a lot of stuff from older family members, but also would swoop upon good stuff at car boots etc, because anything good quality for a few pence must be bought and then offered to us...

Now one parent is deceased and the rest know all their friends are trying to downsize, so they're starting to get rid of excess items they won't want in their final years in sheltered housing - ie offering them all to me...

My folks mostly only have nice stuff left, but the only items I'd want are the ones they're using. I have asked them to write down lists of certain collections and their value for probate purposes, after watching friends waste weeks trying to produce inventories and values to obtain probate.

It was quite nice to go to mil and found she had kept some of my dcs toys particularly a fisher price toy with farm animals that dgd was delighted with and had been her mums

My mum. She grew up poor, her df died when she was 3 leaving my Gran with 3 kids under 4 and no money. He was an immigrant so there was stigma involved too and no welfare state. She can't cope with anything "useful" being binned. Everything needs to be reused or recycled.