To keep my toddler at home while I WFH?

[jawsh]

I was in a local lockdown which has now been lifted. I know my workplace will now expect me to arrange childcare for my 17 month old because we are now able to meet with another household indoors.

But the thing is, I really want to keep him at home until I return to the office. He has a solid routine whilst he has been at home with me. He naps for longer and more consistently compared to at his grandparents, where he doesn't tend to nap for very long and is therefore grumpy for the rest of the day. It's also easier for me during the day - I can give him breakfast straight away, do work whilst he plays afterwards (he's very happy to play independently), I then put him down for a nap which he does every morning at the same time and I log back on immediately for another 2 hours while he naps and the same after lunch too.

It gives me more flexibility and it works out better for me because I am so much more productive in the evening when he is in bed. I get lots done that I wouldn't normally do during the day due to distractions from other colleagues.

AIBU here? I really want to know how I should approach this

Thats not a lot of supervision of a 17 mo

Seriously, where is his learning opportunities and socialization opportunities. Just from your post he is either playing alone while you work or asleep..

@Leaannb I'm always sat in the front room with him watching what he is doing. I take mini breaks away from my laptop too so I play with him and give him toys etc then.

@Leaannb It's not really like that though. Like I said he prefers to play independently most of the time and he's always been that way

When will you be returning to your office, OP?

Seems to me like he should have a bit more than that in his life too!

Wouldn’t grandparents be able to take him out places? Or could he have some time at nursery to see other kids?

We have lots of playtime when I'm not working. I work part time too, so the days when I am not working I definitely make up for it with the playtime/activities

I think YAB slightly U -he is better being somewhere where he can have intersections whilst you’re working. If you have the option for someone to look after him, do it. Is your work going to be happy long term for you to work in the evenings and not be as available/productive during the working day?

*interactions

I think you need to let your work know that this is your plan or you risk having problems later. If they are ok with it then I guess that's fine, he might like a day or two in nursery though to play and be around other children.

He isn’t getting a great deal of interaction, there is also the fact that your employer isn’t paying you to spend time with your son.

It sounds a bit sad for him - sorry.

Tbh I haven't even thought about a nursery. Pre covid we were splitting childcare between the grandparents which they were happy with so we never had the need for a nursery. I guess now he's older though it's different and he could benefit from being around other children

i am so much more productive in the evening when he is in bed. I get lots done that I wouldn't normally do during the day due to distractions from other colleagues.

How does this sit with your employers requirements though?
It’s not much use to me if colleagues aren’t available during normal working hours, and the same in reverse it’s no use if I’m working when no one else is in the evening. A lot of roles require some element of collaboration.

My toddler has been back in nursery 3 days a week since June because she needs the socialisation. My work is still fine with children in the background and I love saving money too but I feel there’s not much I could do for her if she’s just home all week whilst I work

Tricky. I'm sure it's lovely having him around and I think many toddler groups aren't running but most employers only allow wfh if your child is in childcare. Do you talk to colleagues or clients during the day or just communicate by email? Can you have him at home one day and at GPs the other days?

@Divebar No need to feel sad for him. He's such a happy child we play with him as much as we physically can and he has family/cousins that do too

My job doesn't involve speaking to clients. My company have mentioned a return to the office end of September

I would be unhappy if I was your employer - it is always a no when asked by an employee to care for children and work. The latter would always come second. Your DC also needs more

It sounds crap for him, and not ideal for your work surely working random hours. Look into childcare so you can both have more of a balance.

I don’t think it’s fair either on your toddler or your employer. I’m actually really shocked you’d suggest it. Maybe your job isn’t that busy or demanding, but there’s no way I can work if I have to look after my 17 month old.

Toddlers need playing with and interaction, not just being left with toys or the TV for ages while you work.

Where’s your partner in all of this?

I think it’s the wrong call: you should sort out good quality childcare.

I could look into getting him into a nursery once or twice a week. I think it would be good for him even though I would find it tough I think at first

Yabu - he sounds v easygoing but you really shouldn't ignore him all day - he needs interaction and different activities. There's a limit to what play he can do without input or supervision. Also they change all the time at that age and when he drops a nap / becomes more active, you will need to change plans quickly.

That's ime anyway though and it's lovely he's so easily pleased!

The more I think about it the more I think it’s borderline neglectful.

I don't even think we could afford nursery fees at this moment in time