To keep my toddler at home while I WFH?

[jawsh]

I was in a local lockdown which has now been lifted. I know my workplace will now expect me to arrange childcare for my 17 month old because we are now able to meet with another household indoors.

But the thing is, I really want to keep him at home until I return to the office. He has a solid routine whilst he has been at home with me. He naps for longer and more consistently compared to at his grandparents, where he doesn't tend to nap for very long and is therefore grumpy for the rest of the day. It's also easier for me during the day - I can give him breakfast straight away, do work whilst he plays afterwards (he's very happy to play independently), I then put him down for a nap which he does every morning at the same time and I log back on immediately for another 2 hours while he naps and the same after lunch too.

It gives me more flexibility and it works out better for me because I am so much more productive in the evening when he is in bed. I get lots done that I wouldn't normally do during the day due to distractions from other colleagues.

AIBU here? I really want to know how I should approach this

During the initial shutdown employers had to be tolerant of WFH and childcare because there was literally no other option, but will your employer really be ok with it when nurseries are open or there are childcare options in place? Can you really do a full days work while taking care of a toddler? no. You need to be transparent with your employers and explain how you plan to change your hours to work around your child if you go ahead with this, not just assume that nobody will notice if you do the bare minimum amount of work and create extra work for your colleagues.

I can’t see most workplaces being happy with you looking working while looking after a toddler when childcare facilities are available and I don’t think they’re being unreasonable to be concerned about it. Although, if your DC is as unobtrusive as you suggest then they won’t know so it won’t be an issue. But I’m guessing he isn’t really that unobtrusive...

You could see what your workplace think to you working in the evenings once he’s asleep. But while I understand about being more productive when you aren’t being interrupted by colleagues, in a lot of work environments that disruption, as tiresome as it sometimes seems, is essential to office communication and collaboration. People who can’t be contacted and respond quickly can hold up whole teams of people and the additional seemingly unnecessary conversation that often happens during those disruptions is often an important part of the foundation of collaboration and team work. Of course some places it goes too far, balance is required, but the idea that you are being more productive when others can’t get hold of you doesn’t necessarily equate to the work place being more productive as a whole. You’d have to ask and see.

My kids never went to nursery or pre-school,

Were you working though? So the children were left to their own devices?

I have a 17 month old, and envy you to be honest in how laid back he is- wfh with him at home during lockdown was the hardest thing ever (I have a three year old too but he was the hard one). All I could really do was keep up with emails and dial into meetings and try and keep things moving during the day, but all the proper work requiring any concentration had to be done when they were asleep at night, other than the two hour block in the afternoon when he slept. If I was your employer I wouldn’t be happy- if you said it was fine I’d think you didn’t really have enough work to do to be honest.

I find it hard to imagine that he naps for 2 hours in the day at that age

Did you ask to reduce hours so you can look after your son or are you just ripping off your employer?

I wouldn’t have minded somebody juggling child care and WFH during lockdown. But now that workplaces are allowed to reopen, I would not find that acceptable. If you are looking after your toddler you are not doing your work and vice versa.

I find it hard to imagine that he naps for 2 hours in the day at that age

My DD is nearly 3 and had a 2 hour afternoon nap until about 2 months ago. Still didn’t mean I could wfh effectively while looking after her, but it’s not implausible that a child that age would nap for that length of time.

A 17 month old doesn't need to go to nursery, he'll get enough socialisation with his grandparents and going out and about with them. At that age kids don't actively play together, just alongside each other.

He's better off with his grandparents than sitting at home all day with you though, it's not enough interaction unfortunately. I do understand how much you'll miss him though, I miss my DS terribly when I'm working

I find it hard to imagine that he naps for 2 hours in the day at that age

My 17 month naps for 2 hours a day, and most of his friends are similar, I don’t think that’s unusual at all

@Plussizejumpsuit

I find it hard to imagine that he naps for 2 hours in the day at that age

Mine napped for at least two, often three hours in the afternoon from 12 months (when he dropped his morning nap) to 23 months. When he stopped, abruptly and overnight. He hadn't been at all hard to get down in the evenings while having the nap so there was no advantage at all to him dropping it and we tried really hard to keep it going, but he disagreed and that was that. I was genuinely in tears over it because it changed my working situation from shit but manageable to awful, and I went from working until 10pm every evening to catch up to working until gone midnight. Luckily he did it about three weeks before nursery then restarted as I don't know what we'd have done if it had been longer. Which is why I wouldn't voluntarily base my work pattern around a toddler's nap!

Most employers only permit WFH if Pre school children are at nursery / childminder. You can’t expect an employer to pay to look after your child.

Yabu as you can't effectively look after a toddler and work at the same time. One, or most likely, both, will suffer. Your DC deserves more than being left to play alone or sleep all day while you are working. If grandparents aren't available then I would look for nursery/childminder.