Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my toddler at home while I WFH?

88 replies

jawsh · 28/08/2020 21:52

I was in a local lockdown which has now been lifted. I know my workplace will now expect me to arrange childcare for my 17 month old because we are now able to meet with another household indoors.

But the thing is, I really want to keep him at home until I return to the office. He has a solid routine whilst he has been at home with me. He naps for longer and more consistently compared to at his grandparents, where he doesn't tend to nap for very long and is therefore grumpy for the rest of the day. It's also easier for me during the day - I can give him breakfast straight away, do work whilst he plays afterwards (he's very happy to play independently), I then put him down for a nap which he does every morning at the same time and I log back on immediately for another 2 hours while he naps and the same after lunch too.

It gives me more flexibility and it works out better for me because I am so much more productive in the evening when he is in bed. I get lots done that I wouldn't normally do during the day due to distractions from other colleagues.

AIBU here? I really want to know how I should approach this

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 28/08/2020 22:08

It was fine when we were in crisis phase and everyone was muddling through the best they could but if you want to work from home when there is an option to work 8n the office you need childcare

HunterHearstHelmsley · 28/08/2020 22:08

Do you have to liaise much with colleagues? I wouldn't be happy at arranging childcare and then having to work around someone else's child's naps.

VestaTilley · 28/08/2020 22:09

He should be in nursery or with a childminder whenever you and DH are both working.

Choose a good nursery or childminder with a good or outstanding Ofsted rating. It’s usual for them to cry for first few day’s at nursery, then they get to like going. A good nursery will be used to this. Please don’t just work with your poor baby at your feet- it’s so bad for his development Sad

Original poster
jawsh · 28/08/2020 22:10

I'm just worried about his routine, he does find it hard when it's disrupted. We have a good routine at the moment and I know this goes out of the window when he goes to his GPs. I guess I can't control this though and I just need to accept that he can't stay with me forever, as hard as it is

OP posts:
amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 28/08/2020 22:10

Ah OP. I feel for you - it's not been easy WFH and trying to parent young children at the same time Sad

However, if I'm honest I think you need to look in to sending him in to a nursery or a childminder. This would increase his socialisation skills before school. Plus, and I mean this kindly, from your last post it does seem that you're the one wanting him home for yourself! Time to cut the cord Wine

Original poster
jawsh · 28/08/2020 22:11

Thank you all. It is hard, I will miss him terribly. This is the hardest thing ever Sad

OP posts:
Crawlbee · 28/08/2020 22:13

If you don't like the thought of GPs and cannot afford nursery, how about a childminder? They are usually cheaper, but can often offer more flexibility in terms of following a similar routine to at home.

Original poster
jawsh · 28/08/2020 22:14

Nurseries - does anybody know if they have to go every week? I couldn't afford to put him twice a week for the whole month

OP posts:
JanewaysBun · 28/08/2020 22:18

If you can't afford it are Gp able to look after him now or are they shielding?

HippoMumsy · 28/08/2020 22:18

WFH with kids is tough! You’re wee one sounds super laid back, however babies change their routines all the time, what would you do if he decides he doesn’t fancy a nap? My little one dropped his afternoon nap so only has a hour and a half nap in the morning, he’s just a little older than yours. Then the rest of the day he’s very busy wrecking the house Grin I would definitely think about a nursery or childminder, it will benefit you both immensely. You’ll be able to get on with your job and your wee one will have lots of fun learning and being social with other kids. My wee one goes in to nursery three days per week, we are absolutely skint with the costs however it’s not going to be forever and it’s doing him the world of good.

Napqueen1234 · 28/08/2020 22:19

In my experience nurseries yes they would want a commitment of the days ever week although some offer term time contracts if that helps.

The trouble is OP as he gets a bit older he will really need/should have more interaction and social play and stimulation which you won’t be able to give when working. It won’t be long until he drops to one nap so again you won’t have the time needed to work. Short term sounds like it’s been good but long term I think you need a better plan.

Ethelfleda · 28/08/2020 22:19

OP, you say you work part time - so how many days a week is that? If it’s only until September and it’s only part time I can’t see a huge problem with it.
Socialising with other children doesn’t really become important until they’re a little older - closer to three years old (I’m sure I read that somewhere)

DS is 3 end of October - all through lockdown he actually thrived. DH and I were both working from home at that point but taking it in turns each day to ‘parent’ or ‘work’ and caught up in the evenings. Although that was during crisis phase when we had no choice. He had so much more one on one interaction with us that he came on leaps and bounds. Once he was back in nursery 3 days per week in June, he was starting to get to the age when he needed to socialise and we’ve seen that come on leaps and bounds since.

DH doesn’t work Fridays so he is with him all day.
I WFH Mondays and I used to send DS to DMs that day... haven’t done since beginning of lockdown though and DS is with me on one day per week. For that day, I do a bit in the morning while DH is giving him breakfast, bit more during his nap and then evenings to catch up if need be. It works for us and hasn’t caused any issues with work either.

It’s not the best set up for you but I wouldn’t say it is neglectful either.

HippoMumsy · 28/08/2020 22:19

Also if you receive any sort of tax credits etc, they can sometimes help towards costs of childcare. Worth looking in to xx

Hercwasonaroll · 28/08/2020 22:23

How often is he with GPs if you work part time?

If only 2 days a week he's got 5 other days to do routine.

Oysterbabe · 28/08/2020 22:28

You'll be doing a half arsed job of both parenting and working. He's much better with grandparents.

TW2013 · 28/08/2020 22:30

Could he go out with grandparents for a few hours a day - so wake up, breakfast, play a bit while you check mail, have a morning sleep. Grandparents pick him up or come to your house to look after him from 11.30- 2.30 then you put him down for a nap and finish your work, making up extra time in the evening. That way you can work most of the day, he has someone there while he is awake, he still has his sleep routine and he spends time with grandparents ready for when you go back into the office/ his routine shifts.

Ilikeviognier · 28/08/2020 22:30

It was ok in lockdown when we had no choice but there is no way on
Earth I would consider this. Like someone else said - their routines change so much when they are this small so the situation Could easily change - dropped naps etc.

Tbh when I was trying to do both in lockdown I felt like I was trying to do two jobs at the same time and as a result doing them both badly. I really hated it.

Nixen · 28/08/2020 22:33

Nope, that’s being a half ass parent and a half ass employee

beela · 28/08/2020 22:33

@jawsh

My job doesn't involve speaking to clients. My company have mentioned a return to the office end of September
That's only 4 weeks away, you might want to make a plan and get him settled before then.

WFH long term with a child is unfeasible unless you are actually a childminder. It's not fair on your child or your employer

Caplin · 28/08/2020 22:35

Basically what others have said, I would be unhappy as your employer, you are basically distracted. I used to wfh 2-3 days a week when my kids were toddlers, they were always either in nursery or with go, because you cannot do decent work with toddlers around.

My kids are older now and able to sort themselves out, but I was still very happy to wave them back to school this week and my work quality has gone up.

Parker231 · 28/08/2020 22:36

You can’t work from home effectively with pre schoolers at home.

Oysterbabe · 28/08/2020 22:36

This is why so many employers were resisting WFH before they had no choice.

frolicmum · 28/08/2020 22:39

I have a 19 months old DS and I wouldn't want to work and look after him as I don't feel like he would get the attention he deserves and he needs to learn to speak (I speak the minority language in the house). It's up to you though.

SomethingPhishy · 28/08/2020 22:41

If you can't claim child tax credits to help with childcare costs, Tax free childcare pays 20%. Its not a solution long term to keep your toddler at home.

bellie710 · 28/08/2020 22:41

I would just love to find a 17 month old that naps for 4 hours a day!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.