To keep my toddler at home while I WFH?

[jawsh]

I was in a local lockdown which has now been lifted. I know my workplace will now expect me to arrange childcare for my 17 month old because we are now able to meet with another household indoors.

But the thing is, I really want to keep him at home until I return to the office. He has a solid routine whilst he has been at home with me. He naps for longer and more consistently compared to at his grandparents, where he doesn't tend to nap for very long and is therefore grumpy for the rest of the day. It's also easier for me during the day - I can give him breakfast straight away, do work whilst he plays afterwards (he's very happy to play independently), I then put him down for a nap which he does every morning at the same time and I log back on immediately for another 2 hours while he naps and the same after lunch too.

It gives me more flexibility and it works out better for me because I am so much more productive in the evening when he is in bed. I get lots done that I wouldn't normally do during the day due to distractions from other colleagues.

AIBU here? I really want to know how I should approach this

I worked from home pre-Covid and is written into my contract that I can not be responsible for any children while I am working as it would void the company’s business insurance if a child was injured while I was working and not supervising them. During lockdown this rule was temporarily lifted but we were encouraged to work around our children’s nap and sleep schedule - basically not working when they were awake and needing supervising. The rule is now firmly back in place now that families can mix more and nurseries are open. It’s not fair on work, your child or even you to try and do two jobs at once. It’s work or your child in my opinion.

Going to look into a nursery for him thanks everyone.

@bellie710 Forgot to mention, he only has the one nap a day which is 90-120 mins

Pre-COVID I always had to endure I had childcare in place while WFH.

I think it's massively taking the piss to continue to WFH with no childcare, not to mention pretty shit for your child.

It sounds like you would like it.
But it wouldn't be best for your employer and it wouldn't be best for your toddler.
It's not up to your employer to facilitate your toddler's routine.
It's not up to your toddler to entertain himself while you work.
If regular childcare is too expensive/unsuitable either accept his routine goes a bit off on his days with his GPs or try to understand why this happens and work with them to help him stick to it.

i dont understand whats the difference between now and sept-he has to go at some point and you havent thought about it

I have an 18m old and I think you’re taking the piss really. There have been a few days when I have had to wfh while having the younger one on my own (agreed with workplace). My husband and I normally stagger so one of us is doing childcare and one working in shifts. I know full well I have not been as productive on the days it’s just been me and the baby. I just don’t believe you can do both well. I can send the odd email but there is no way I can have calls or do anything requiring concentration unless she is asleep.

If you want to be a stay at home mum, maybe you should stop working?
Over the past few months, I think employers have accepted the working around families and home schooling, but unless your role can be truly flexible and no collaboration with colleagues or clients is required. they may be less keen on paying you to stay at home to look after you toddler.

It’s unreasonable on tour co-workers. I won’t with people who do this and it’s obvious what they’re doing and unfair on the rest of us who have to work round them because they aren’t resonsive.

No way could I have done that with mine when they were toddlers. They like to play happily but will always want to come up for your attention at any time, whether for wants or needs. And how will you focus on the work? Our ears as parents are so tuned in to little ones that I certainly wouldn't have been able to focus on anything else except what they were up to.

I’d also add most employers have obviously accepted wfh and children during lockdown and through the summer but I think September will bring new expectations as schools and more nurseries open. Don’t assume that what has been ok will still be ok indefinitely.

Looking after a toddler is full time. I think in this situation you are working two full time jobs at once, and you cant do both of them well. Either your child or your job is being neglected.

He isn’t always going to nap. He will get older and grow out of it

The thing about baby/toddler routines is that just when you think they are settled in one pattern and you build your life around that - boom, that’s when they suddenly change. I’d be very surprised if that long nap , in particular, continues for much longer.

I think if you can actually work (and your employer happy) then this is ok - it's not every day.
I have a baby similar age and he doesn't leave me alone if I work when he is there...so wouldn't work for me. The thing I would be worried about is his naps might change soon though...
I'm not sending mine to nursery yet either but grandparents, but I totally get what you say about sleep - mine only naps properly at mine. Is it an option for grandparents to take him before or after nap?
Also there are other ways to get social activities/exposure to other children than nursery - we go to playparks a lot and meet other mums.

Can’t you get a nanny for a few hours a day to come round and play with him while you work and keep his routine? Children that age need lots of face to face interaction as they’re learning how to communicate.

What is it with all these people thinking that they should be allowed to stay at home and half-arse their jobs just because they prefer having more family time?

You cannot look after a toddler and do your job properly at the same time. I can't believe anyone would actually think this is okay.

I did it for 4 months and it was a total disaster and was terrible for both of us. I’ve never felt so close to breaking point. Mine was a year older though, but I don’t think I would have enjoyed it when she was that age either.

Ultimately it’s probably going to be up to your employer. Mine waived the usual requirement to have childcare in place while wfh due to schools and nurseries closing but now childcare settings and schools are reopening people are expected to have childcare in place.

That seems like an awful lot of daytime sleep at this age, and I suspect he'll start cutting that down pretty soon. I don't think you can make any assumptions about keeping this routine going.

My workplace were fantastic during lockdown and fully backed parents working flexibly from home around childcare.

We’ve now been told that we’ll never return to the office full time and it’s likely to be 50/50 WFH/office permanently...and it’s been made very clear that during ‘normal’ times, WFH cannot be done whilst looking after dc and childcare needs to be in place on both WFH and office days.

I think most workplaces would be the same tbh. You can’t concentrate on the job fully whist looking after a child so it’s fair enough really.

Forgot to mention, he only has the one nap a day which is 90-120 mins

But your first post says he has a long sleep both morning and afternoon?

Hi OP.. I originally thought the same as you as im wfh for the foreseeable.. But I thought am I being selfish to what I want to thinking of what my DD wants.. She's now in nursery 4 days a week and she absolutely loves it. The age you DC is, he needs to be around other children, it's crucial for their own development as well as learning social skills. I don't think you should keep him at home with you, you know your child best but what if he decides to switch it up and have a huge tantrum or refuses to eat lunch or has sleep regression.. No two days are the same with a toddler. Think what is best for his emotional development and not what you necessarily want.

I'm sort of both jealous and in awe that this feels like not only a viable but a good option to you. We were both working around DS from March (when he was 20 months) to June (when nursery reopened) and it was incredibly stressful both because it was so difficult but also because I felt so constantly guilty about how little stimulation he was getting. There is no way I'd think about it if I didn't have to. Clearly your DS is more chilled and independent than mine (and I'm always told that mine is unusually good for playing alone for his age!) but they change all the time at this age so even if it does work now I wouldn't bank on it continuing to. DS dropped his nap towards the end of lockdown and I was in tears over it because it switched the situation from 'shit but just about coping' to 'fuck I don't know how we can do this'.

I would note that this - being expected to largely go along with it while mum does something else - is how most toddlers have been raised throughout human history so I'm not sure that he needs more, though it's very hard not to feel like he must if you're parenting in the modern west as it's so far from our current norms. Also - and I'm not trying to scare you, but it is a fact - serious accident rates among toddlers have dropped dramatically since closer supervision became the norm.

While I do think businesses will become more flexible and allow more wfh they will expect you to work during the core business hours. Your employer may be happy for you to not come into the office but they will not expect you to be doing childcare when you are supposed to be working

I think it sounds fine what you’re doing. If you want to keep him home do it. My kids never went to nursery or pre-school, it’s not compulsory or necessary! They all settled perfectly well into reception and are now very social teenagers. X