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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think this is vile behaviour from a vet?

289 replies

ReluctantRenegade · 27/08/2020 19:20

Hi all,

I'm very upset as I type this and desperately need some advice. The situation is my cat's 17 and has a few chronic health conditions including kidney (stage 2 at last blood analysis a few months ago) and heart disease. He had two seizures about a week ago which I think were caused by the hot weather as he was struggling to keep cool despite our best efforts. He has had one seizure before several months ago so three in total.

I took him to the vets today and they recommended having him put down because of the combination of these various illnesses which I can understand as on paper it looks bad but they don't live with him so aren't getting the full picture. I know they're professionals but they don't see him eating, sleeping and enjoying getting affection from his owners who've loved and cared for him for 17 years so they're just looking at him as a list of symptoms rather than as a living entity.

Anyway, I said to the vet putting him to sleep has been something that's on my mind but he has improved in some ways now he is taking diuretics for the heart disease. Obviously the seizures were nasty to witness and probably awful for him and he was quite disoriented following this but this is improving now and he hasn't had further seizures since the weather has cooled down.

What disgusted me however and made me feel utterly powerless and on my own with regards to his care is she said they could put him down then and there at the appointment even though he was just booked in for a check-up so naturally I refused as it seemed too abrupt and I don't think he is suffering to the extent he needs to be put down immediately. Of course there is an element of suffering with any chronic health condition but people suffer with multiple ailments and aren't sent to their deaths, their conditions are managed.

What really has upset me though other than their haste to end his life is the vet would only give me enough diuretic medication for him for the next week as she said she thinks he needs to be put down within the next week. Is this even allowed? She thinks he is suffering but is going to make him suffer more by not authorising medication to keep him comfortable for his time left in the world, whether that be weeks or months? AIBU or is this highly unethical of her to refuse to re-prescribe medication for him?

Lastly, this vets is subsidised so I think there's an element of it being cheaper for them to have him die than treating him there and have heard other owners disagree with this practice's 'recommendation' to put their pets to sleep. I pay what I can afford but it's cheaper than a standard vets so I think this is probably relevant to their eagerness to put animals down.

OP posts:

unmarkedbythat · 27/08/2020 20:29

Oh, op, your grief and your love for your cat come through so strongly. This must be terrible for you. I'm so sorry. I do agree with pp though, it really does sound as if your darling cat's time has come. It is so hard to let go, but sometimes the biggest act of love you can undertake is to do so.

Lisa78Lemon · 27/08/2020 20:29

I can't speak directly for your vet but when vets prescribe e.g. one week's worth of medicine it is so you will come to the check up appointment in one week. They can then discuss the best options (which may be a longer course of medicine, may be euthanasia, may be an alternative medicine etc) depending on how the patient has responded. Your post suggests you think they are limiting you to one week of medicine and won't be seeing you and your cat again.
I'm sorry you are going through this. We lost our dog 2 years ago and it is still painful 💔

SnackSizeRaisin · 27/08/2020 20:31

I think you need to take a look at your own attitude here OP. You are getting free veterinary treatment. Why should they waste charity money in handing out expensive drugs that your cat will probably never need? If you had to pay for them yourself you would not want to buy several weeks worth! If you are unhappy you will have to pay for a second opinion. It is about 35 pounds for a consultation at a private vet. You will quite probably get a vet with a more sympathetic bedside manner (they will also let you buy more drugs if you want!)- but the prognosis won't change. No one can live forever, unfortunately a cat of that age with those conditions is certainly suffering. It is very sad but it is not the vets fault. Please realise that they have your cat's best interests at heart.

user127819 · 27/08/2020 20:32

I wanted to add that when I look back on the deaths of my pets, there are some I look back on with relief and peace and there is one that I look back on with discomfort and guilt. The one I look back on with discomfort and guilt was one where I waited too long. I missed the signs of severe suffering and I have to live knowing that my pet was in severe pain for several hours before I did anything.

There were others where I wasn't sure at the time if it was a little bit too soon, but those are ones I have peace and relief looking back at because I know they never knew severe suffering.

A week too soon is always better than a day too late.

BubblyBarbara · 27/08/2020 20:33

people suffer with multiple ailments and aren't sent to their deaths, their conditions are managed

There are many people who would prefer euthanasia under dire situations and have fought for it and it’s absolutely disgusting we don’t get an option of a humane death that even our pets do.

roarfeckingroarr · 27/08/2020 20:34

I'm sorry about your cat, but the vet is right. Your cat is very old and unwell. As hard as it will be, you need to start to say goodbye.

AnyFucker · 27/08/2020 20:34

If you love your cat, you will let him go

And the vet is trying to do a kindness, not being vile at all

HamishDent · 27/08/2020 20:35

You can see it in their eyes when they are ready to go. You know in yourself the right thing to do. It takes a lot to look past your love and devotion to your pet, but the best thing you can do for them is not prolong their suffering and be with them in their last moments.

It’s so incredibly sad and I’m sorry you’re going to through this.

whiplashy · 27/08/2020 20:36

sorry about your cat, it’s horrible when pets get ill and die but YABU. you’re keeping him alive for yourself. the cat has no concept of time or life/death, it only knows what it feels right then which is probably shit going from your OP. it doesn’t care if it dies

wildcherries · 27/08/2020 20:37

@BubblyBarbara

people suffer with multiple ailments and aren't sent to their deaths, their conditions are managed

There are many people who would prefer euthanasia under dire situations and have fought for it and it’s absolutely disgusting we don’t get an option of a humane death that even our pets do.

Yep.

Sorry, OP. It's difficult. But I'm with the vet. They weren't being vile.

Caplin · 27/08/2020 20:38

So I have been you in past, and I was wrong. Over the years I have had to have our family put down, and three cats, one was very young but very ill. The first time is awful, I kept my dog going far too long, for me not for her. I can see that in hindsight.

With my cats (one with kidney failure), the vet didn’t push, but when I asked what he would do he was honest and said to put her down. We did it then and there because I learned a painful lesson before.

Trust your vet, prepare yourself, and take your cat and take away their pain and suffering.

Bergerdog · 27/08/2020 20:39

I’m sorry about your cat being so unwell but if a vet feels euthanasia is a valid treatment option it is essential they give the owner that option, it’s irrelevant what the original appointment was for. It would be negligent not to act in the animals best interest to spare the feelings of the human.

As harsh as it is with a charity it does not make sense to spend money on a cat that is suffering and has a limited quality of life.

I think you need to book a second opinion with a private vet if you feel strongly the original vet is wrong however I agree the cat sounds like it’s suffering. Animals don’t understand why they feel so ill

Fuckityfucksake · 27/08/2020 20:40

Oh OP I'm so sorry. It's truly awful but when it's time, it's time and I feel the vet knows this.
I had to have 2 of my pet ferrets PTS in a short space of time. The first I should have done sooner but I wanted to give him a chance. The vet agreed I could try but not for long. The medication helped with pain but he couldn't get better. I finally accepted it and booked the appt - the morning of taking him he deteriorated and I will never forget nor forgive myself for this - he let out an awful awful scream because he was in pain.
I can not properly describe to you how that made me feel. I still, some 2 years later, feel sick if I think about it. I sometimes dream about it and wake up in tears - please don't be me, make the right decision at the right time for your precious one.
When our second one became very unwell with no chance of getting better, I listened to the vets advice and made the decision while she wasn't suffering too much. As much as it devastated me, I was and still am so relieved that I hadn't unintentionally caused her more pain.
They (their ashes) stand side by side in my living room now.

Corono · 27/08/2020 20:41

I'm really really sorry, but it's time.

Camphillgirl · 27/08/2020 20:41

See if a vet can come to the house so cat is not put through any unnecessary stress. It’s so hard to have to make this decision when you are emotionally involved.

Cinderellashoes · 27/08/2020 20:44

Anyone can see how much you love your cat. You sound like a brilliant pet owner! I’m really sorry he’s so poorly, but wow, he must’ve been cared for very well to get to 17!

Toddlerteaplease · 27/08/2020 20:44

My cat had severe heart disease and acute kidney failure, the vet said it could be treated. But I absolutely knew it couldn't and that it was time.
As a PP said, vets don't suggest euthanasia unless they feel it's the right thing to do. Sorry to say it but it does sound like it's time.

PhilSwagielka · 27/08/2020 20:44

I'm sorry, I know you're sad about your cat but the poor thing sounds like he's on the way out. It would be cruel to keep him alive when he's suffering so much. The vet isn't being a shitbag, she's right. If you keep him alive you'll have to spend even more on meds and vet appointments and maybe even surgery, and kidney disease is a killer. It's what my mum's cat had and she had him put down because the alternative was spending hundreds on surgery.

Saying goodbye to him will hurt. But it's kinder to have him put down in the long run. And I say this as a cat person myself. My last cat had dodgy kidneys and if he hadn't died in transit to the vet, he'd almost certainly have been put down. The poor thing wasn't eating and was barely conscious.

Your cat's illness doesn't reflect on you as an owner. You can give a cat the best care in the world and it can still get sick.

rwalker · 27/08/2020 20:44

The vets telling you what you don't want to hear. You are not being fair on your cat please put your cats first not your feelings.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/08/2020 20:46

I think if your cat is still eating, drinking and enjoying time with you, then he isn't ready to be put to sleep.

My cat was doing all
If these things. But I suddenly realised how ill she was and that the light in her eyes had gone out. It was time.

eaglejulesk · 27/08/2020 20:46

I'm so sorry to hear about your vet, but the vet is giving you the best advice. You might think your cat is happy, but you really don't know how it is feeling, and having kidney and heart issues will not be pleasant. Cats don't show they are in pain until it is very serious. Vets don't advise putting an animal to sleep just on a whim - it would be more profitable to keep offering medication and frequent vet visits. I'm sorry, but it is time to let your lovely friend go peacefully.

Pelleas · 27/08/2020 20:46

Having had my beloved dog die naturally at home, I really wouldn't wish the experience of having a pet die in an unexpected, unprepared-for way on anyone. The cats I have lost were PTS and, though it was desperately sad, it was much less traumatic than the suddenness of a natural death - even though my dog was old and we knew he was unlikely to go on much longer. There is no easy way and I hope you can find the strength to make the best decision for your cat.

gamerchick · 27/08/2020 20:50

Maybe you should take your cat to another vet rather than the pdsa if you don't trust their opinions.

Animals don't fear death like us. They don't know what it is and if a vet has recommended a cat be pts then I would listen. Cats hide pain and discomfort extremely well. You aren't being fair because you're clouded by your own emotions.

Nyclair · 27/08/2020 20:56

I'm sorry OP but I agree with the vet. Your cat has had a wonderful life with you, please let him go whilst he isn't outwardly suffering, I'm sure he's hurting.

Scattyhattie · 27/08/2020 21:00

If you don't trust your vets opinion then quickly arrange to see another for your own peace of mind.

I can understand its a shock & i expect they have given you a weeks medication just so you can come to terms with the news & rebook PTS. It would be unethical for the vet to give more meds as its likely a client wouldn't go back till it ran out & they already believe the cat is suffering.

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