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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this is vile behaviour from a vet?

289 replies

ReluctantRenegade · 27/08/2020 19:20

Hi all,

I'm very upset as I type this and desperately need some advice. The situation is my cat's 17 and has a few chronic health conditions including kidney (stage 2 at last blood analysis a few months ago) and heart disease. He had two seizures about a week ago which I think were caused by the hot weather as he was struggling to keep cool despite our best efforts. He has had one seizure before several months ago so three in total.

I took him to the vets today and they recommended having him put down because of the combination of these various illnesses which I can understand as on paper it looks bad but they don't live with him so aren't getting the full picture. I know they're professionals but they don't see him eating, sleeping and enjoying getting affection from his owners who've loved and cared for him for 17 years so they're just looking at him as a list of symptoms rather than as a living entity.

Anyway, I said to the vet putting him to sleep has been something that's on my mind but he has improved in some ways now he is taking diuretics for the heart disease. Obviously the seizures were nasty to witness and probably awful for him and he was quite disoriented following this but this is improving now and he hasn't had further seizures since the weather has cooled down.

What disgusted me however and made me feel utterly powerless and on my own with regards to his care is she said they could put him down then and there at the appointment even though he was just booked in for a check-up so naturally I refused as it seemed too abrupt and I don't think he is suffering to the extent he needs to be put down immediately. Of course there is an element of suffering with any chronic health condition but people suffer with multiple ailments and aren't sent to their deaths, their conditions are managed.

What really has upset me though other than their haste to end his life is the vet would only give me enough diuretic medication for him for the next week as she said she thinks he needs to be put down within the next week. Is this even allowed? She thinks he is suffering but is going to make him suffer more by not authorising medication to keep him comfortable for his time left in the world, whether that be weeks or months? AIBU or is this highly unethical of her to refuse to re-prescribe medication for him?

Lastly, this vets is subsidised so I think there's an element of it being cheaper for them to have him die than treating him there and have heard other owners disagree with this practice's 'recommendation' to put their pets to sleep. I pay what I can afford but it's cheaper than a standard vets so I think this is probably relevant to their eagerness to put animals down.

OP posts:
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 27/08/2020 21:37

Meant to add - although it's always sad, as soon as I walked out of the vet I just felt an enormous sense of relief, and actually felt remarkably upbeat because I was content that the poor wee guy wasn't miserable or in pain any more.

I think your position is now a lot more difficult simply because you've been given time to mull the event over. I do sympathise, believe me.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 27/08/2020 21:38

You are being very cruel to keep your car in pain for your own selfish needs. It's an animal, they don't fear death. They have no idea. You are keeping him alive for you, not for him.

TatianaBis · 27/08/2020 21:38

Btw I didn’t mean you should withdraw medication in my above post, just that that’s an option.

LilQueenie · 27/08/2020 21:39

Also we did change vets at one point before we found the vet in the above post. After they cruelly dumped our sick cat out of the cat carrier on her head. I wanted to go up and tip that vet on their head. Angry

LilQueenie · 27/08/2020 21:40

Justaboy as if it was that easy. Its not. Thank you.

JenniferSantoro · 27/08/2020 21:40

Sorry your cat is poorly but you’re hardly having an objective view point. Of course you don’t want your pet to die but you have to put the animal first. You are thinking about what you want and not what is best for your pet. Please don’t be selfish about this. Vets don’t enjoy putting animals to sleep, they do it when it’s the best thing to do for your pet. Please put your poorly pet’s needs before your own feelings. This is what we have to do when it really counts.

TatianaBis · 27/08/2020 21:41

Would all the posters pressurising OP to euthanise pressure her for or against an abortion?

The degree of emotional blackmail is nauseating.

Your body your choice, your cat your choice.

bodgeitandscarper · 27/08/2020 21:41

The term euthanasia means a good death, a good owner should want their animal to have a good death not a painful distressing one. Natural deaths are not always peaceful or painless, and anyone who deliberately allows an animal to suffer is deserving of prosecution under animal welfare laws. For the comparison of an animal to a grandmother, I would happily euthanise my suffering loved ones rather than let them continue suffering. Why should anything have to accept suffering?

CottonEyeJo · 27/08/2020 21:41

A 17 year old cat with kidney failure and heart disease, having seizures must be miserable as hell. It would be infinitely kinder to PTS - at this stage you're keeping him alive for you, not for him.
Just because he enjoys being pet, does not mean he's loving life.

Justnormajean · 27/08/2020 21:43

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

You are being very cruel to keep your car in pain for your own selfish needs. It's an animal, they don't fear death. They have no idea. You are keeping him alive for you, not for him.
Absolutely agree with this.
CottonEyeJo · 27/08/2020 21:43

@TatianaBis

Would all the posters pressurising OP to euthanise pressure her for or against an abortion?

The degree of emotional blackmail is nauseating.

Your body your choice, your cat your choice.

As if you've just compared euthanizing an elderly, extremely unwell cat to aborting a baby Confused
Motheroftwofeline · 27/08/2020 21:43

As a fellow cat owner and cat lover I really do feel your pain, and your anger.

I remember being very angry at the vet that suggested our girl was put to sleep (at the age of 12) after going downhill very rapidly over 2 or 3 days.

But I now know that it was the kindest thing, and although I couldn’t bear to be there at ‘the time’, DH was and he said it was very peaceful.

Sending much love Flowers

NoMoreMrNiceGaius · 27/08/2020 21:44

I think the vet is probably correct or at least has a good point that it might be the best option for the cat even if it's the hardest one.

However, saying they can do the euthanasia then and there is completely unprofessional. They wouldn't dream of saying this at any practice I have worked at or brought my pets to. There are a lot of ways to impress the urgency of a decision to the client which doesn't involve making them feel like we can't wait to put their beloved pet to sleep.

It probably stems from good intention and was just an insensitive moment, but I would still let them know how uncomfortable it made you. Dont they have any other vets at the same location that you can talk to?

Withthemonsters · 27/08/2020 21:45

@TatianaBis

Would all the posters pressurising OP to euthanise pressure her for or against an abortion?

The degree of emotional blackmail is nauseating.

Your body your choice, your cat your choice.

But it's not her body? It's the cat who's suffering.

And an abortion is not comparable unless we're talking about a case where the baby would die soon after it's birth or suffer greatly AND the patient's doctor thought it was the best option. And in that case I would say it is probably the best option.

Fluffyghost · 27/08/2020 21:45

Please listen to your vet. Don't do what I did, I waited. My dog had a tumour was fine In herself and only 10, and I kept saying I didn't want her to suffer and she will let me know when its time. She didn't, she got up funny one day yelped and collapsed. She then had 40 mins suffering unable to walk in and out of consciousness travelling to the vets waiting for the vet to become free in order to relieve her of her pain. I should have taken her sooner, she was my dog, I was responsible for her I should have protected her from that traumatic end and I regret it more than I can express. She deserved better and I let her down.

mcmooberry · 27/08/2020 21:45

I would ring the surgery up the day before his meds run out and if your cat is doing well so still eating, mobile, grooming etc, report this to them and request more of his medication. Obviously don't wait until every moment is a misery for him but if he is ticking along ok, no need to put him to sleep just yet. Maybe the vet was concerned about the seizures as getting hot may not be the reason for your cat to have a seizure. Hopefully he will rally and you will have him for a while longer.

SixesAndEights · 27/08/2020 21:45

He's 17, has heart disease and seizures. He's had a good innings, please for his sake do the right thing.

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/08/2020 21:45

Yes, if you wait for her to stop eating/drinking, basically wait until she has no quality of life left, then yes you are prolonging or even causing suffering.

For all those who think their animal will 'tell me when they are ready to go'..

This is shit.

Animals cannot do that, because animals are driven to survive and stay safe, to hide pain and discomfort as showing it puts them at risk.

Usually, by the time we see an animal unable to eat or drink, and showing signs of pain, that animal has been suffering for some time, sometimes a LONG time.~

That 'look' that animals supposedly given when 'its time' is just an animal in pain and discomfort and fear, struggling. Please don't let it get that far OP.

For those of you (not actually the OP) saying you would leave the animal to die a natural death and that you don't have the right to play god..

Please fuck off and don't own an animal again. What you are suggesting is about as far from kind as you can possibly get, what you REALLY mean is, you won't make a decision that is icky, so you will leave your animal to suffer instead, so that you don't have to do that.

bodgeitandscarper · 27/08/2020 21:45

Except with an animal you own you have a responsibility to keep it pain and distress free. Prolonging a painful condition isnt in the animal's best interests and it has no comparison to a woman having an abortion, which may however also be done to prevent suffering . Life at all costs is a selfish and ignorant approach.

Dullardmullard · 27/08/2020 21:45

You are being cruel to your cat. soon the meds won’t work what then up them

Regardless if he’s eating drinking etc means nothing sorry it’s meaningless as ill animals will do the above till death.

It’s time to let go.

Casschops · 27/08/2020 21:45

I lost my heart to a dog once and my final decision for her was the most heartbreaking decision ive evet made but I did it coz I loved her in a way that no one could understand. Do the right things by your beloved wee beasty.

TatianaBis · 27/08/2020 21:45

@bodgeitandscarper

The term euthanasia means a good death, a good owner should want their animal to have a good death not a painful distressing one. Natural deaths are not always peaceful or painless, and anyone who deliberately allows an animal to suffer is deserving of prosecution under animal welfare laws. For the comparison of an animal to a grandmother, I would happily euthanise my suffering loved ones rather than let them continue suffering. Why should anything have to accept suffering?
How does anyone know it’s a peaceful death? Death = that undiscovered country from whose borne no traveller returns.

The term euthanasia is a euphemism. Reality is you’re killing the animal. Sometimes it’s probably kinder to kill it but it depends on the circumstance.

thisstooshallpass · 27/08/2020 21:48

Vile behaviour? YABU.

Your poor cat and so disrespectful to your vet.

My Mum held onto our childhood dog for weeks, despite everyone else's advise. It was horrific and she made it worse for herself and the poor dog.

Repay your cat for the last 17 years.

OliviaPopeRules · 27/08/2020 21:48

@TatianaBis

Would all the posters pressurising OP to euthanise pressure her for or against an abortion?

The degree of emotional blackmail is nauseating.

Your body your choice, your cat your choice.

This is a disgusting comparison. We are talking about a sick 17 year old cat. Get a grip.
Lougle · 27/08/2020 21:49

As an animal owner we have great responsibilities. Part of that responsibility is doing the right thing when the time comes, even though it causes us pain.

I don't think it's fair to suggest that OP 'loves her cat too much to let him go...' - it takes great love to let your beloved pet go when you desperately want them to stay.

The vet would not have suggested PTS unless she truly believed that it was time. I 100% believe that. I think you need to look back, objectively, to the cat that you used to have and compare with the cat you have today. I'm sure you'll realise that, actually, she's feeling poorly.

Is eating, drinking and weeing truly the bar you set your pet? Humans continue eating until they are on death's door. It doesn't mean for a minute that they aren't suffering.

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