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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irritated / concerned about DH's obsession with Ben Shapiro?

104 replies

WakingUp55643 · 25/08/2020 11:21

DH spends a lot of time on an evening watching youtube videos. This used to be on his own computer, with headphones, but now he just puts them on the TV and inflicts it on all of us. Yes I should just tell him to pack it in, but the bigger issue here is the type of people he follows obsessively. His latest mancrush is Ben Shapiro. Last night he even watched a video of him as a child playing the violin, ffs. Amongst the other people he admires are Jordan Peterson, Nigel bloody Farage, Laurence Fox, Ann Widdecombe.........
But because I finally snapped and showed my annoyance at this a couple of weeks ago and asked why he chose to sit in the house watching this stuff rather than play out in the garden with his kids (it's always me who plays with them) apparently it's my fault for not 'inviting' him out to join in. And then if I don't respond to his polite chats about how my day has been etc, it's me who's creating an atmosphere.
Am I really being unreasonable by being annoyed at this????! I'm really REALLY trying to be supportive at the moment as he is having real difficulties with anxiety, but honestly it drains the soul out of me. He suggested he would like to go and visit his mum for the weekend (quite a long drive) and I said he could take the car, then last night he announced that he'd changed his mind. I have never been so disappointed. I need a break from this.

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ChavvySexPond · 25/08/2020 22:31

@PhilSwagielka

He should spend less time watching these chodes on Youtube and more time parenting, IMO.
"Chodes" Grin

I'm nicking that. Grin

TempestHayes · 25/08/2020 23:46

He'll be banging on about QAnon, Pizzagate and wearing a 'where one goes, we all go' shirt next.

GarlicMcAtackney · 26/08/2020 00:08

A whole lot of ‘letting it go/not saying anything’ going on, for whose sake? He has you all begging for his attention or to fake interest in his own kid for two seconds, and enjoys opting out of life by watching shite little videos. Is this a pleasant environment to make the kids have to endure? How much clearer does he need to be, about how much he cares for any of you?

Newfornow · 26/08/2020 00:26

OMG his voice is so whiny 😫. I couldn’t put up with his shit.
I’d plead ignorance and ask why he finds him so fascinating. I couldn’t find passion in an alt right supporter.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/08/2020 00:55

I could not stay with a partner for affiliated himself with the alt right.

Although I watched the clip if Ben Shapiro commenting on the fact his wife's valine never gets wet (while watching the WAP video) which gave me a chuckle.

Stompythedinosaur · 26/08/2020 00:55

*vagina

Elsewyre · 26/08/2020 04:05

It "drains the soul out of you" because your partner likes to watch a different TV program to you?

Good God either your life is perfect in all other aspects or you're just the wee bit dramatic

pointythings · 26/08/2020 06:49

If he watched that shite I would be worried about him influencing the kids. But inflicting it all on you is even worse.

He doesn't sound great in any way, really. Is he addressing his anxiety in constructive ways at all, or is he just seeking out online crap that reinforces it?

ramblingsonthego · 26/08/2020 08:44

@Stompythedinosaur

I could not stay with a partner for affiliated himself with the alt right.

Although I watched the clip if Ben Shapiro commenting on the fact his wife's valine never gets wet (while watching the WAP video) which gave me a chuckle.

I saw that on twitter..... he has never made his wife wet and if you do get wet according to his wife you have a vaginal infection. 🤣🤣🤣

It says more about him I think.

wigglerose · 26/08/2020 09:09

Having just watched that video, I'm surprised that Ben Shapiro doesn't seem to understand how journalism works considering he used to be one.

WakingUp55643 · 26/08/2020 09:49

Yep, when I went online to try to find out about this Shapiro bloke, the first thing was the Cardi B video and his comments. That's pretty funny. An angry goblin who's never satisfied a woman in his life. Maybe there's a hint there.........
And yes he was on the telly again last night. I try not to react because of not wanting to cause an argument in front of the kids, and whenever I do react, it looks like I'm being unreasonable. Anyway, I took my littlest one out for a walk in the rain to look for slugs and snails in the dark, and then me and both boys went upstairs to play Connect 4 after that. If he doesn't realise that putting these videos on basically chases everyone away.....
@Elsewyre it's not just this, this is the tip of the iceberg, and my life is far from perfect. All I want at the end of the day is some relief and comfort, and I know this is not going to happen unless I make a change. Oh and a bit of what Cardi B is singing about would be nice.

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WakingUp55643 · 26/08/2020 09:51

Oh yeah, and he could not wait to jump in to the Rule Britannia thing with me. Could not wait!!

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Komacho · 26/08/2020 10:22

@Elsewyre

It "drains the soul out of you" because your partner likes to watch a different TV program to you?

Good God either your life is perfect in all other aspects or you're just the wee bit dramatic

Hes playing alt right sexist homophobic bullshit in front of the kids. It's hardly like he's watching corrie.
AryaStarkWolf · 26/08/2020 10:27

He thinks he needs an invitation to play with his own children? umm ok

Joe Rogan made a funny comment about Ben Shapiro, I think Joe kind of likes him but also doesn't take his shit, anyway he said, "Ben is very good at arguing with uneducated people" Not that those college students are uneducated as such but they're young and probably easier to bamboozle (which is how Ben "wins" )

Broomfondle · 26/08/2020 10:37

@AntsMarching

Thank you for that clip, it becomes gold with Andrew Neil's last sentence Grin

BusyProcrastinator · 26/08/2020 10:44

The alt right stuff is concerning but more generally he’s being a cocklodger/man child.

I’m pretty sure Jordan Peterson talks about how men need to step up and take responsibility for themselves. You should remind him of this

NYMM · 26/08/2020 11:01

Be honest with yourself and make the move. You want to separate.
You just don't like him anymore and are wasting time thinking of reasons to move on without him.

WakingUp55643 · 26/08/2020 11:20

@NYMM Yes, this is exactly what I want. And I am wasting time. We've been on the road to this for a couple of years. I told him how unhappy I am, told him I'd been seeing a counsellor, we both went to the counsellor, had many serious conversations, he seems desperate for us to stay together, yet decides to continue with all the things that have made me unhappy. And now the anxiety thing has blown up, I feel like I'd be kicking him while he's down....

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Irelate · 26/08/2020 11:42

I would be able to cope with partner having very different political views to self, but not with someone obsessively watching videos about them and ignoring the family. That's juvenile.

Biggest concern is that if your OH is experiencing anxiety, these videos will feed into and magnify his anxiety, no question about it. Not healthy.

Irelate · 26/08/2020 11:44

PS: Buy him the book 'Hate Inc' by Matt Taibbi which looks at how all this crap is designed to get us all to be anxious and hate each other.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/08/2020 11:47

@DimidDavilby

You're sleeping under the watchful eyes of Ann Widcombe? Like a cut-out?

I have no words.

And *@salty78 Jordan peterson is a raging misogynist who incites hate against Muslims. If it looks like sht and it smells like sht it's probably lying when it says it's not sht...

Yes, he sounds sensible and intelligent sometimes then he comes out with stuff like - forced marriage would cure violent men - Hmm
GabsAlot · 26/08/2020 12:00

hes using the anxiety to make you feel guilty-and thes epeople hes watching arent helping it

you need to at least seprate for a while and see where it goes

HelloToMyKitty · 26/08/2020 14:54

Yes, he sounds sensible and intelligent sometimes then he comes out with stuff like - forced marriage would cure violent men

🙄 He says nothing of the sort. But some people love to put the worst spin on the stuff he says

cybercontroller · 27/08/2020 17:45

I didn't realise that they appealed to anyone who isn't an incel.

WakingUp55643 · 27/08/2020 18:43

@cybercontroller DH is an incel. But then so am I. . . . :l

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