Aibu to keep my primary children off school this year?

[Runrunrunrunrunrun]

I feel as though I am the only one considering this. I am a stay at home mom, I have the time to make this work.
Coronavirus isn't going anywhere, I know that, but I just don't feel comfortable sending my children to school. I feel like it would be the easy way, not the safe way. I just can't stop that feeling in my gut, that 'its not safe' feeling.

we were considering home education for this year anyway for a variety of reasons, but now September is almost here I am doubting myself.

I dont know what to do! is anyone else taking their children out of school? are most sending theirs back? how did you decide what to do?

Our family has lost a relative to cv this year and another was hospitalised so I am aware this may have skewed my thinking.

please be kind, I have cried every night for a week about this and every time I look at my children I am imaging them getting really ill. this situation is hitting me hard.

Fine to deregister and homeschool. Harder if you just want to keep them off for a year, not sure it’s possible

Yes, it's possible but you would need to go through the admissions process again as a new starter.
The complication comes if your preferred school/or the school the DC's have left, is oversubscribed. No guarantee of a place.
If there are lots of places or you haven't a preference of schools you will haven't an issue at all.

I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. I'm sure you're not alone. My previously fit and well DH became very sick with COVID and is still not well, so I don't underestimate the virus. However, your anxiety does seem very out of proportion to the risk involved to your DC. As many posters have pointed out, it's extraordinarily unlikely that they will become very sick with COVID is they are primary age. Air pollution; going on social media and getting groomed or bullied; having a bad diet are all far far greater risks to our CD's physical and mental health than the virus, but haven't captured people's imagination in the same way. Remember that when you home school you are not just replacing the academic elements of school, there are also the aspects of social life, the extra curricular activities like being in a sports team, the emotional intelligence of having to josh along with others and follow rules etc etc. There are a lot of non-academic benefits of school, if you feel that you can provide those and that they and you could flourish at home, why not? If that feels quite overwhelming then it doesn't sounds like a great idea.

Nope, can't wait for my DS to go back and see his friends. The risk to children is minute.

@AdelaidePlace

Fine to deregister and homeschool. Harder if you just want to keep them off for a year, not sure it’s possible

Yes, it's possible but you would need to go through the admissions process again as a new starter.
The complication comes if your preferred school/or the school the DC's have left, is oversubscribed. No guarantee of a place.
If there are lots of places or you haven't a preference of schools you will haven't an issue at all.

Obviously you can de-register and reapply

Seeing as this is AIBU and you asked ....

You aren't necessarily BU to consider home education, if you think its genuinely in the interests of your DC. But you are very definitely BU if your main motivation is Covid anxiety. As many others have pointed out, the risk is verging on non-existent. So personally I would leave Covid out of your choice completely.

Home ed is a valid choice, but don't just do it out of fear of the alternative. It is perfectly valid in its own right.

Just to add, in many parts of the country it would be quite unreasonable to expect a school to hold places for your DC for a year surely? If too many parents do that it will be a mare for the schools and unfair on new families moving into the area looking for school places. Unless one of your DC or a member of your household is genuinely high risk, its unfair to expect the school system to accommodate your personal anxieties by holding places till....when? A vaccine isn't guaranteed in a year

That’s fine if you decide you want to homeschool. But you can’t have your cake and eat it. You can’t keep a space open just in case it doesn’t work out.

And I’d be very worried about lack of social interaction. In my view assuming you’re not going to live like a hermit you might as well be at school and give your children all those benefits.

marsho

Obviously you can de-register and reapply

Yes, that's what I said....

But no guarantee of being able to choose which school the LA offers. If the original school is oversubscribed you might not get your place back and would have to accept a place at another school.

Adelaide yep we’re saying the same thing about de-registering, no guarantee of same place

When I said I wasn’t sure if it’s possible I meant I have no idea what the process is if the op doesn’t de-register but keeps them home. After some time will she lose her school place, I assume so.

If she doesn't deregister it will become an 'attendance' issue as the child should be in school. So usual school/gov. policy for non attendance applies.

I do know of some academy trusts and one LA where none attendance for three consecutive weeks loses the place anyway. This was to try and manage attendance data, especially in schools where attendance is an OFSTED focus. After three weeks the pupil is no longer on roll and the absence doesn't show on the school data ( but would show under current focus on off rolling)

YANBU to decide it is in your children’s best interests to homeschool but you need to balance this with the fact that they may lose a place at a good school.
If it’s just on the basis of COVID risk I don’t see this as reasonable because the risk to children is minuscule. Would you also remove your children from school if norovirus or the flu is doing the rounds? Because I don’t understand why people are so worried about CV in children but not other illnesses that are also very, very unlikely to cause death of severe illness but could like chickenpox.

If CV or no CV you’d like to homeschool however and think your children would be happier, homeschool.

Deregister and do it. You have very little to lose - the only possibility being not getting back into the same school. You’ll have an idea whether your school is oversubscribed or not.
You will never feel 100% certain you’re doing the right thing, especially beforehand. The only way is to try it. I can remember the weeks of angst I went through before making the decision to home ed DD2 and then a year later, DD1.
We, like you, took DD2 out for “just a year” due to circumstances (different to yours but still the circumstance in which we found ourselves). She was 8 then. She stayed home educated until the age of 17! She never wanted to return. She went on to thrive at college and is now doing a masters in Physics. It was brilliant for her from both an academic AND a social point of view. Both girls say it was the best thing I ever did for them and that they will home educate their own children. But I still remember the terrible angst I went through so you have my sympathies.

School is always there and they have to find you a place of some sort. If it doesn’t work, you can put them back in at any time. Good luck!

Would you also remove your children from school if norovirus or the flu is doing the rounds? Because I don’t understand why people are so worried about CV in children but not other illnesses that are also very, very unlikely to cause death of severe illness but could like chickenpox.

It's pretty simple really. The risk of death or serious illness from Covid is small for young children but not necessarily small at all for the people they may pass it on to. The same is vastly less true for norovirus or chicken pox. It is somewhat less true for flu but not completely, which is why mass flu vaccination was rolled out in primary schools last year - not to protect the children but the elderly or vulnerable adults they come into contact with.

The evidence as to whether young children carry and transmit Covid despite being more likely to be asymptomatic themselves is contradictory. Some studies, e.g. early studies in France, have shown they are less likely to pass it on, whereas some, such as more recent research from the US, shows that actually they are as likely to catch it and infect others as older people despite seeming well. The current majority view in the scientific community suggests a sliding scale based on age. You don't need a PhD in virology or even in political science to know which evidence governments keen to get kids back to school are more likely to base their decisions upon, but that doesn't mean 'the science' they're 'following' is the only or even the best set of data.

If everyone your child is likely to come in to contact with is young, fit and healthy, you may feel, based on all of the above, that the risk of your child going back to school is negligible or at least acceptable, in which case good for you. Not all families are in that position, though.

If you want to homeschool, that is great. but do it because you want to (AND are ready to engage with loads of other homeschooling families in real life, on a frequent basis!), but don’t do it because you are afraid. Fear is not a good driver for education or a happy life.
And definitely don’t keep your children at home, away from other children. That would be cruel and very much not in their interest.

You have very little to lose
apart from the children’s mental health. home schooling can be amazing, or cruel.

I’m a teacher and if I didn’t have to work then I would home school. I’m not overly concerned re children getting covid. More that I find the way the govt have handed the whole thing is massively unsettling and the way school will be is not how I want my children experiencing education. I don’t have any choice other than send mine back but if I didn’t have to then I wouldn’t. It doesn’t have to be forever. Just til things become less strange.

If you came on here saying you believe home schooling was best for your children - I would say have at it. But. You’ve come on here with major anxiety over corona virus, which has led to you being anxious about sending them to school so in that regard YABU. I have someone close to me die of it - 5 of my friends have contracted it so I am well aware of the risks. I am also, like you, highly anxious however I cannot let that get in the way of my children’s education - absolutely not. I am not equipped to homeschool them. They need social interaction (to a safe extent).

Do what you feel is best OP, but don’t think for one second this isn’t your own anxiety fuelling your decisions.

@ConquestEmpireHungerPlague But the OP is clearly worried about her children getting very sick from CV (that’s what she says in her OP!) NOT the idea of them being asymptomatic but transmitting the virus to an older or more vulnerable family member or friend.

If that’s what she’s worried about it’s a different thing but that’s not what she’s saying. She’s worried about her children.

@Helpmyhair2019 my kids were back in early june with much more severe restrictions in place than now, and they were fine. In any reasonably sensible school, its not an issue at all.
Parents were fretting about forward facing etc - kids much preferred it!

@Newdaynewname1 I absolutely agree and would never say that home ed is a solution for all children - it would be disastrous for many. But the OP seems aware of the local home ed community and aware of how it can be done properly, which is why I made the comment.

@musicposy awareness and engaging are 2 different things though, especially when a decision is avoidance/fear motivated, rather than positively motivated

What do your children want?

[quote zigaziga]@ConquestEmpireHungerPlague But the OP is clearly worried about her children getting very sick from CV (that’s what she says in her OP!) NOT the idea of them being asymptomatic but transmitting the virus to an older or more vulnerable family member or friend.

If that’s what she’s worried about it’s a different thing but that’s not what she’s saying. She’s worried about her children.[/quote]
I was answering your question @zigaziga, not anything the OP said.

I just wanted to say I can relate (to an extent) to how you are feeling. In Scotland we are already back at school. I have really enjoyed being at home with my children close every day, there have been bad times and home schooling while wfh was an unmitigated disaster. But I have loved having my children close. I cried when they went back to school, barely slept the night before. Nothing to do with Covid fears, because I was going to miss them. But I couldn’t keep them at home, I couldn’t give them the education or the social interaction they need to grow. Of course they don’t know I didn’t sleep, or cry or watch them in the school gate desperate to scoop them up and take them home. They are so happy to be back, the routine, the friends and the stimulation. It’s about them, what they need and not about me. It was a bit like the end of maternity leave all over again. I suppose it depends on whether you are wanting to home school for them or for you? If you can offer that stimulation, routine and social interaction and education? The crying at night with worry sounds like anxiety, I have worked with a counsellor about mine. But this time has been a massive challenge for me in keeping it under control and not letting it control mine and mr children’s actions. Good luck with your choice.