Aibu to keep my primary children off school this year?

[Runrunrunrunrunrun]

I feel as though I am the only one considering this. I am a stay at home mom, I have the time to make this work.
Coronavirus isn't going anywhere, I know that, but I just don't feel comfortable sending my children to school. I feel like it would be the easy way, not the safe way. I just can't stop that feeling in my gut, that 'its not safe' feeling.

we were considering home education for this year anyway for a variety of reasons, but now September is almost here I am doubting myself.

I dont know what to do! is anyone else taking their children out of school? are most sending theirs back? how did you decide what to do?

Our family has lost a relative to cv this year and another was hospitalised so I am aware this may have skewed my thinking.

please be kind, I have cried every night for a week about this and every time I look at my children I am imaging them getting really ill. this situation is hitting me hard.

@Chickenitalia this is a big worry too, me and my eldest is like that- we catch every bug going. of they take temperatures before school every day then he will definitely be off most of winter anyway!

Are you on Facebook? There's a group on there called Boycott Return to Unsafe Schools. Lots of people there mulling over their options, and also getting varied responses from schools when they contact them to raise their concerns. If you're thinking along these lines, it's worth joining there, and also on some home ed groups.

My son is going back but I feel very anxious about it. If he was up for home ed/didn't want to go back I might consider it, but he's desperate to get back.

I am hoping that they improve safety measures and remove the threat of fines in the meantime.

Wishing you lots of luck whatever you decide.

Are you on Facebook? There's a group on there called Boycott Return to Unsafe Schools.

This shit just feeds peoples anxiety.

My DC sound similar to yours. DC1 is the fidgety runner and DC2 is the social butterfly. They go back next week and both are counting down the days. This isolation from their peers has really impacted DC2. He needs that social stimulation. And to get away from his older brother for a few hours. If you can provide something like that for your DC2, such as the drama club mentioned upthread, it sounds like HE could be a viable option for you.

@catsarecute
That is actually what got me all flustered and worried- the threat of being fined for trying to keep my children safe/ decide what to do long term. I dont want to deregister and then realise it wasn't for us and have to move schools. I also don't want to be fined for taking time to think it through properly and test the waters.
I think the government cracking down on fines (fromt he first day I heard) is evidence that schools reopening is to get people back to work. it feels like they are forcing the hands of lower income families like us. i don't like the idea of being forced into taking them back.

Homeschool. I would do it.

If you are able to, I don't see why you shouldn't give it a try and if you think it is the right thing to do for you children then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that
Don't beat yourself up over this

If the schools allowed non attendance then they would still be responsible for the children’s education. By deregistering you become responsible for their education. Otherwise children would fall through the gaps.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's your family, your kids, your choice.

I personally am sending mine back, however, I would love to keep them home. The whole duration of lockdown - we were the healthiest we've ever been. We were all marvelling in my house at how we've never gone so long without getting a cold or the lurg! But then my 3 year old went back to his day nursery 4 weeks ago and ever since my house has been full of colds, snuffles, sneezes, foggy heads, sore throat and swollen sinuses. My 2 year old neice went back to her different nursery too around the same time, and every time my DS play dates with her, she's wet coughing all over the show and dripping green snot from her face too! Nightmare. Children are RIFE for passing things round and spreading coughs, colds and flus! I personally have spent the last month with cold after cold after cold, feeling like death warmed through and I'm dreading the full force germ hurricane when my 9 year old goes back too.

I'm taking him back because he wants to and that is pretty much the only reason I have. We've agreed to trial him going back and see what happens in the world. He was very lonely and sad during lockdown, he missed his friends and the age gap between my 2 boys is just big enough that they love each other and do play, but don't really have anything in common or are particularly good company for each other. He didn't respond well to home schooling at all, he couldn't snap out of the "home is for relaxation and respite" mode and see it as the temporary classroom that it had to become. LOTS of tears, whining, bargaining and sulking about having to so school at home, literally every day was a battle. He started talking to himself too after a while!
So back he goes, for now at least.

I work somewhere that's involved with core covid research, and vaccine development.

I'm using them as a guide post, rather than anything the government are saying. The risk to children, especially primary-aged children, is miniscule. So small it's not statistically significant. The risk benefit analysis strongly points to children needing to be back in school, they will suffer more being out of school than the potential risk of covid.

It's probably more complicated with teens, as risk increases with age, but we just don't have reasonable data.

Mine went back to school for the term before summer. None of the schools in my county had any evidence of a covid outbreak during that time.

I hope that helps.

My son has become a lot less anxious not bring in school. The break has been good for him but he needs to use that strength to navigate social interaction
My daughter has adapted to not being at school she thrives in a challenging learning environment with good friends
They are both going back. Is the risk high, yes for me but it's higher for them if they don't. I know the school will do all they can to mitigate the risk. Some teachers are unionised nay sayers and then there are those desperate to get children's childhoods back on track.
If you think there is a good reason to home ed then go for it, but follow a philosophy and a curriculum.
Don't keep them home and rely on a few Cbeebies videos to keep them up to speed

Yanbu, OP. I'm having a similar conversation with myself. I would not home educate for choice, although practically speaking I could, but my DC is older and would be better taught by subject specialists. But the current proposals are unsafe and unsustainable. My DC will be in a 'bubble' of 250+ with no meaningful social distancing and no masks, despite the WHO recommendation that everyone over 12 wear them in situations where social distancing is limited. I am actually less worried about DC himself as other more vulnerable family members. The 'evidence' that schoolkids don't catch it and pass it on dates from June ffs, when there were hardly any kids in school compared with the situation from September, and plenty of room to distance effectively. If BJ wants me to 'trust' him that it will be safe, he needs to follow some better science. I have been following the science and the stats, and I understand them for the most part, and I'm fairly confident schools will become petri dishes quite quickly and will have to close again before long. Given that, I'm loath to make my family part of a nationwide trust game.

If you're genuinely conflicted, I'd wait and see. Tbh, just Gavin Williamson's insistence that there will be no U-turns makes me fairly confident there most definitely will, most obviously over masks. And I think enough of us are feeling very sceptical about the wisdom of business as usual that there'll be a lot of absence and no fines after all. I'd also ignore patronising people telling you to see a doctor about 'your anxiety'. A lot of the opinions on this - on both sides - are very strident and dramatic and it can be hard to figure out what's best for you, which is naturally going to be upsetting. Stay calm and listen to your gut. Your children are young. I don't think there's really a wrong choice here for you.

@JarethTheGoblinKing

I work somewhere that's involved with core covid research, and vaccine development.

I'm using them as a guide post, rather than anything the government are saying. The risk to children, especially primary-aged children, is miniscule. So small it's not statistically significant. The risk benefit analysis strongly points to children needing to be back in school, they will suffer more being out of school than the potential risk of covid.

It's probably more complicated with teens, as risk increases with age, but we just don't have reasonable data.

Mine went back to school for the term before summer. None of the schools in my county had any evidence of a covid outbreak during that time.

I hope that helps.

What about the risk to the parents or adult siblings?

I can imagine it might be a particular concern for multi-generational household families, where elderly grandparents share the same house.

I'm not arguing for or against schools reopening. I can see positives and negatives. I think the Scottish plan to stay open but with masks is a reasonable balance. There should also be flexibility and leeway for concerned parents who prefer to keep their children off. No fines.

I find it quite ridiculous when people focus solely on risks to children, as if they don't live with parents or other adult relatives.

The evidence dates from June because that's the last full month children were in school. Scottish schools also break up then.
You're hardly going to get useful data from August, are you 🤔

Yep, any risk here will be for parents, teachers, older siblings, and other higher risk groups. However, there are ways to minimize risk to that age group (distancing, masks, handwashing, and in higher risk groups, isolating).

Small children are at a significantly lower risk, and as that was the OPs point of concern, that's what I was answering.
Im not ignoring the risk to other groups, but a lot of people are specifically worried about their children going to school, and the evidence strongly suggests that the risks are very very low for that particular age group.

Two seperate questions there.

AIBU to home educate my children?

No. Its not for me but if it works for your family, go for it.

AIBU to keep the kids off due to CV19

Imo, yes. The risk to them is much much lower than it is to you and your OH. However the risk of missing out on their education and socialising that comes with school will have a far bigger impact on them than you. Presumably you wont be socialising with other HE families as is the norm within that community?

Agree that masks would be a good idea, but probably for secondary where it's much more crowded, and much more mixing. Not sure it would be that feasible for most primary kids where you can more effectively separate them within their own class bubbles.

@NoToMisogyny

I just don’t get the worry re sending kids back to school (I have three). They have a greater risk of being hurt or killed on the way to school. And there had been not a single case worldwide of a child infecting a teacher.

Maybe I’m missing something but I cannot comprehend it. And I have an anxiety disorder so I do understand that side of things.

Where is your evidence for not a single worldwide case of a pupil infecting a teacher ? It's not necessarily true, it cannot be proven as it's impossible to know where everybody caught it from.

There’s no right or wrong answer to this and I think that is why these dilemmas give us so much anxiety. The reality is that even if you do HE for a year and it doesn’t work out then it still won’t have a really negative impact on your kids, so my advice is to follow your instincts and HE and reevaluate when you’re ready. The fact that you are worried about this shows that you care.

I live abroad, so my kids have been back for a while. The risk isn’t zero no matter what anyone tells you and there have been outbreaks at schools and schools closed, but as far as I can tell, the risks are very low. We haven’t seen grandparents at all this year as the risks are too high for them, but the kids and I are healthy so low risk.

If you are worried about the fines - join an online group of other parents doing the same. I honestly wouldn’t worry about fines personally, I took out my children a week earlier than lockdown - we should have locked down that week. However I am pretty sure of my stats and knowledge I guess, and spoke with many others - public health specialists and scientists and we all agreed we needed to lock down earlier so we all did. I’m glad we did now.

However now is more tricky - we really don’t have solid information on how long term schools and Covid can coexist. We do know that test and trace is vital - and I’m concerned this is not up to scratch. We do not have a simple quick test for Covid that could be used regularly as prevention in schools. But we will do soon. We have better understanding on hygiene, cleaning and social distancing, but not really up with the mask wearing and good ventilation yet.

So there is valid reasons why in the next few months we will get better at this in schools and they will be safer. They are still low risk if your community transmission is low risk.

Personally if I was in an area of a high number of cases, I would not send my kids back yet until it was more under control and I’d explain why to the Head.

be happy with your choice for your own reasons and don’t look to random strangers on the internet to validate your choice

This. It's not the same as discussing it with friends and relatives who know your situation.

@MiddlesexGirl

1 in 23,000 children have been infected by coronavirus since schools reopened in June. I'd add the link but the only non paywall I can find is DM.

But most schools were only open on a very, very part-time basis in June. It won't be the same situation in September.

OP, do whatever you feel is best for your family. Homeschooling is a totally valid option

As an LA we certainly have a rise in families opting for HE. Families where children have thrived under less pressure, more personalised learning and good quality play as well as those uncomfortable with government reasoning about safety and the mistrust they feel.

HE is an amazing opportunity if it is practical for you and your family. Go for it, lucky kids!

@Boulshired

If the schools allowed non attendance then they would still be responsible for the children’s education. By deregistering you become responsible for their education. Otherwise children would fall through the gaps.

Yes I can see this issue.

Fine to deregister and homeschool. Harder if you just want to keep them off for a year, not sure it’s possible.

I'm nervous too about sending them back. I don't think I could meet their needs homeschooling.
March to June was a battle with my eldest she defied me constantly.