amazed at insensitivity

[firstshift]

This weekend my DF and his wife called by. 2nd time in a year ...
They are considering moving for the 35+ time which would involve a social housing exchange. When my DH enquired how it was going the response was ' we have seen somewhere that looks nice in Timbuktu, Timbuktu is a good 4 hour drive from the area we are currently in. My SS also lives within half an hour of me. My SM (using the term loosely) announces she couldnt possibly move that far from SS. I pointed out it was nice to see I featured at all in the consideration ...... No response!
Now dont get me wrong, it has always been blatant I am not the favourite child but I am my DF's only natural child. My SS is the same age as me, has no particular health needs and has no childcare needs she relies on anyone for ......

Is it normal for anyone to be that insensitve? Am I being unreasonable?

To be honest I am just astounded really, it doesnt even hurt after 40 years of it.

Doesnt e

I think you are being a little over sensitive to be honest. You're 40, not 18 and living alone for the first time.

Yeah I agree with user1473878824

But you're not her daughter, sounds like you don't really get on anyway.

Overreacting

I don't think you should be relying on them for childcare either, if they've moved 35 times and are considering a move to Timbuktu then they probably aren't the best choice of regular childcare

You don’t seem to like them so why would you want them nearby? How often have you visited them in the last year?

Not really surprising your SM doesn't want to move too far from her daughter really. I suppose what matters more is your relationship with your DF?

After 40 years you know the score.

FWIW my family upped sticks and left me in U.K. at aged 23. I'd just left a relationship which included DV. I can't get the visa to join them and they've never been back to visit! Must be something I said

My family live 12000 miles away now

@AnneLovesGilbert

You don’t seem to like them so why would you want them nearby? How often have you visited them in the last year?

I rely on them for nothing . Never have done.

My relationship with my DF is governed entirely by SM. I have not been allowed to spend time with him, without her for over 40 years, not even in adjacent rooms!.
Lets just say if I had made the same statement substituting my DM for them there would be hell to pay!

I have visited many times, as it happens and have dropped all to be at their bidding

Interesting though as RL people and family members are astounded as me!

I get it OP.

MN seems to be full of people who are able to switch off their normal human emotions about normal human things - you know, basic things programmed into us, like wanting our parents to love us. I mean, who'd have thought it?!

Ignore them. Of course your DF and SM were insensitive. I think your DF's silence was cruel. It's rubbish for you. I hope you've had / are having some help to deal with this.

i wouldn't expect your step mother to consider you the same as her own child unless you were very young when they married and she had a significant role in your childhood. Your father on the other hand..........

Your issue is actually your father not your stepmum. If your dad had a spine then he wouldn't let someone else dictate his relationship with his child. My father is similar (but I don't give a shit and rarely speak to him).

@firstshift

Interesting though as RL people and family members are astounded as me!

It is good you have some family members who understand - stay close to them

Once rang my estranged df. Sm answered. I asked could I please speak to df..
She asked who was it?
I am an only dc and she has known since I was 7..
I just hung up..

If you have friends and family in RL that are agreeing with you, and you clearly don't think you're BU, why are you posting here?
You clearly aren't happy with those disagreeing with you...

@Beachbodylonggone

Once rang my estranged df. Sm answered. I asked could I please speak to df.. She asked who was it? I am an only dc and she has known since I was 7.. I just hung up..

To be fair to her, I once didn't recognise my own daughter's voice on the phone and asked who it was.

She said 'it's me, mum', in a very weary way.

Unfortunately, two of my DD's sound VERY alike on the phone, so I still wasn't much the wiser, didn't like to ask who 'me' was, and had a very cautious conversation for a few minutes until I could establish which DD I was talking to.

Being slightly hard of hearing isn't a great thing on the phone!

Who else would have asked to speak to their df but me?

I’m still not sure why it’s insensitive.

Blame your dad if you’re not happy with the relationship the two of you have. Unless there’s a drip feed about your SM being terrifying and controlling it’s entirely down to him that you have no time together.

@WinterHasCome

If you have friends and family in RL that are agreeing with you, and you clearly don't think you're BU, why are you posting here? You clearly aren't happy with those disagreeing with you...

for nothing other than to see if insensitivity is a nationwide plague ..............

My relationship with my DF is governed entirely by SM. I have not been allowed to spend time with him, without her for over 40 years, not even in adjacent rooms!.

That doesn't sound quite right to me.

Surely any father wanting time alone with his own daughter, wouldn't let his wife stop him from doing so.

@Beachbodylonggone

Who else would have asked to speak to their df but me?

Depends how clearly you speak..?

Being hard of hearing, if you mumble any syllables at all it just falls into background noise. You saying Dad could sound like his name (depending on what it is), or darr or just a generalised kind of noise.

And many people don't speak very clearly on the phone (I used to have to answer the phone for work and it was ASTONISHING how many people thought you ought to know what they meant from a garbled half sentence!)

OP, don't post on AIBU expecting sensible, measured advice. Majority of people post completely contrary advice that they would give to anyone in real life, they do it for bad, get some kind of thrill from it seemingly. Sad isnt it.

Of course YANBU. V hurtful when your father doesn't seem to care much

You sound unhappy that you don't have the same relationship with your father that your step-mother has with her daughter.

It's very easy and less distressing to blame someone else for the relationship we have with others. You only have to look at all the MIL and mad ex wife threads. All these poor defenceless men unable to speak up for themselves.

@WorraLiberty

My relationship with my DF is governed entirely by SM. I have not been allowed to spend time with him, without her for over 40 years, not even in adjacent rooms!.

That doesn't sound quite right to me.

Surely any father wanting time alone with his own daughter, wouldn't let his wife stop him from doing so.

symptomatic of a wife who was an affair and who knows leopards dont change their spots presumably! Jealousy in spades

Jealous of you, his daughter?