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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what I did wrong?

83 replies

ImNotStupid · 24/08/2020 05:57

Because I don’t understand what’s happened. Can anyone help me unpick it?

My boyfriend has been going through a lot of work stress, think he had some type of breakdown so he completely withdrew from me, asked me for space. This lasted about 3 weeks, in that time I sent a few supportive texts asking how he was and saying I was there for him when he was ready to talk.

He text me on Saturday, the text just said hi with no kisses or anything. So I replied back ‘hi how are you feeling? Xxx’. He said I’m ok then nothing else.

I’ll admit I got a bit upset about this because I hadn’t heard from him in 3 weeks then felt like he’d left me to worry about him not knowing what was going on and then couldn’t be bothered to talk to me when he decided to get back in touch. So I sent a text saying I was upset.

He read this and then blocked me, I don’t understand why? Was I wrong to be upset? Everything was going so well before this happened and now I feel like I didn’t even mean enough to him that he couldn’t tell me what was going on or why he didn’t want to talk to me. Did I overreact? I feel like I’ve made a complete mess of everything.

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 24/08/2020 05:59

Why are you putting up with this behaviour? Your relationship has ended, block him and move on.

FredaFrogspawn · 24/08/2020 06:01

He is likely wanting to end the relationship anyway and is being a pathetic coward about it. He’s let you give him a tiny excuse and jumped on the back of it to blame you. Of course you aren’t in the wrong.

Angelina82 · 24/08/2020 06:08

He withdrew from you so you automatically think he’s having a breakdown? Sounds to me like he just wanted to end the relationship but took the cowardly way out in the hope that you’d get fed up and do it first.

Original poster
ImNotStupid · 24/08/2020 06:14

@Angelina82 no I didn’t think that, he told me that. He said he couldn’t cope with talking to anyone and needed space to sort his head out. I believed him because he’s had a lot of stress at work alongside other personal things.

I don’t know why I blame myself. I think it’s because I feel so upset that I’ve tried to be there for him still while he’s completely cut me out. Had to deal with my own stuff without his support and than just felt like I haven’t reacted well when he tried to talk to me. Like I should have been understanding that he was finding things hard still and I shouldn’t have been upset about that because I’m essentially blaming him for having mental health issues.

I don’t know if he wanted out and has just wanted me to not bother but I don’t understand why he couldn’t tell me if that was what he wanted?

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 24/08/2020 06:15

Move on.

AlwaysCheddar · 24/08/2020 06:16

Because he’s an idiot and took an easy option for him. He’s the one at fault, not you.

Frownette · 24/08/2020 06:17

Looks like it's time to move on, you don't want to be sitting around guessing what's going on in his head.

FredaFrogspawn · 24/08/2020 06:18

Maybe if you back off for a few more weeks with no contact, you’ll get your answer depending on whether he comes to you or not. Personally I would find it hard to forgive such coldness. He doesn’t sound like a kind man.

chatterbugmegastar · 24/08/2020 06:20

How long have you been with him?

If 5 years, this is appalling behaviour from him and I would move on thanking my lucky stars I don't have to bother with the manipulative petty child any more

If 5 months , he is an utter twat and I would move on thanking my lucky stars I don't have to bother with the manipulative petty child any more

Noneformethanks · 24/08/2020 06:29

He’s asked you,for space which is the cowards way to dump you.

Sorry.

Jayaywhynot · 24/08/2020 06:32

If you're boyfriend hasn't contacted you for 3 weeks then blocks you after sending a "hi" hes either ghosting you or playing mind games.
After 3 weeks of no contact I'd assume we were over.
Move on, upsetting as it probably is, you dont need this, red flag Flowers

RonObvious · 24/08/2020 06:45

Sounds to me a bit like the text equivalent of “vaguebooking”. He sends you some short, ambiguous texts, to which you are supposed to react in a concerned manner. You didn’t, and he got the hump. I agree with previous posters that this is not a good sign, and that you might be better off cutting your losses.

FippertyGibbett · 24/08/2020 06:46

Just leave him alone, that’s what he wants.
He asked you for space but you’ve been hassling him by text.
I’m pretty sure he wants out of the relationship but hasn’t the balls to say so.
Move on.

Original poster
ImNotStupid · 24/08/2020 06:49

When he asked me for space I said to him if this a way of ending then please tell me and don’t leave me hanging around for something that’s not going to happen. He reassured me it wasn’t and he just needed time. He’s never given me any reason not to trust him, he’s always been honest with me and so caring towards me. I find it really hard to match all that with someone who then won’t even tell me why or want to talk things through.

I’ve probably just been an idiot wanting to think he was feeling the same way I did.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to act concerned when I don’t know what’s going on and he won’t tell me how he’s feeling.

OP posts:
Frownette · 24/08/2020 06:51

How long have you been together?

Birdsong20 · 24/08/2020 06:53

Mental Health issues don't give him the right to be disrespectful. You deserve courtesy whatever his stresses are. This seems to be a red flag. You have definitely not done anything wrong. Your feelings matter too and it's ok to ask for respect by letting him know his behaviour is hurting you. Him blocking you is all the answer you need to move on.

Wecandothis99 · 24/08/2020 06:55

He's not your boyfriend

Rangoon · 24/08/2020 06:56

You didn't do anything wrong. Somebody who loves you would not suddenly fall out of love with you because of a few texts or work stress. I think he took a coward's way of ending a relationship. You deserve better and I'm sure you'll find it. Even if he did come back, I'd have nothing to do with him as you have found out what he is really like. In my experience men who want space, generally, plan on filling that space with another woman and the particularly revolting ones like to keep the original woman waiting round in case the new, exciting woman doesn't work out.

Birdsong20 · 24/08/2020 06:57

Could he have met someone else and was testing the water with her while keeping you dangling while he decided?

Fanthorpe · 24/08/2020 06:57

You’ve done nothing wrong. I don’t know what else you could have done. It sounds very hurtful and confusing. For whatever reason he’s chosen to face his problems by himself so I would just back right off and consider getting on with your life. No matter what his issues are he hasn’t been fair.

AlternativePerspective · 24/08/2020 07:00

Nope, I wouldn’t put up with any of this kind of “I can’t talk to anyone/I just need space/I am having a breakdown crap.” As soon as someone said to me they needed space I would tell them they could have all the space they needed as I’d be out.

The relationship is over. I would just stop worrying about it and put it down to him being a twat.

CJsGoldfish · 24/08/2020 07:04

He was keeping you in the wings in case his new woman falls through.

Move on, you deserve better

ThickFast · 24/08/2020 07:07

He’s treated you appallingly. You have not done anything wrong.

Ablackrussian · 24/08/2020 07:07

The issues are within him and nothing to do with you. Whether he's struggling or not, three weeks is a long time to not contact your girlfriend. Just go NC..he'll be back..

Ablackrussian · 24/08/2020 07:09

Were you together long, OP?

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