Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ask what I did wrong?

83 replies

ImNotStupid · 24/08/2020 05:57

Because I don’t understand what’s happened. Can anyone help me unpick it?

My boyfriend has been going through a lot of work stress, think he had some type of breakdown so he completely withdrew from me, asked me for space. This lasted about 3 weeks, in that time I sent a few supportive texts asking how he was and saying I was there for him when he was ready to talk.

He text me on Saturday, the text just said hi with no kisses or anything. So I replied back ‘hi how are you feeling? Xxx’. He said I’m ok then nothing else.

I’ll admit I got a bit upset about this because I hadn’t heard from him in 3 weeks then felt like he’d left me to worry about him not knowing what was going on and then couldn’t be bothered to talk to me when he decided to get back in touch. So I sent a text saying I was upset.

He read this and then blocked me, I don’t understand why? Was I wrong to be upset? Everything was going so well before this happened and now I feel like I didn’t even mean enough to him that he couldn’t tell me what was going on or why he didn’t want to talk to me. Did I overreact? I feel like I’ve made a complete mess of everything.

OP posts:

Original poster

ImNotStupid · 24/08/2020 07:16

No we weren’t together that long, around 5 months. It felt different with him so I’ve probably let myself get carried away with imagining a future with him.

Thank you all for the reassurances that it hasn’t been all down to me. That’s really helped, I was feeling like I’d messed everything and left him feeling worse on top of that. It’s helped me feel a bit better that I wasn’t wrong to expect better from him too.

OP posts:

Laaalaaaa · 24/08/2020 07:23

5 months - you actually sound needy. If he needed space after 5 months give him it - don’t keep texting when he doesn’t reply. Take the hint - it’s not a serious, long term relationship.

FredaFrogspawn · 24/08/2020 07:24

OP does not seem needy. It’s not unreasonable to expect a level of communication in a relationship. That’s not fair at all.

saleorbouy · 24/08/2020 07:24

If he can't talk to you and hold a relationship together due to work stress then I think its safe to say that this relationship does not have longterm legs. A problem shared in a problem halved. He should be able to talk through his issues with you rather than run and hide for 3 weeks or more. Sorry I'm afraid he's got cold feet and no strength of character to be frank and admit it to your face. Cut your losses and move on if your genuine concern for his wellbeing is met with such contempt.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 24/08/2020 07:26

Ugh. What a prick. My ex did the same after 2.5 years together. It's a cowards way out. and hugs.

ThickFast · 24/08/2020 07:28

Er, she doesn’t sound needy! I’d expect more after 5 months. Not radio silence for 3 weeks then blocked if you mention it. Even after weeks then people who block/ghost are dicks. It’s basic manners.

CardsforKittens · 24/08/2020 07:28

It’s not you, it’s him. He’s a manipulative, immature twat. You’ve dodged a bullet there.

DiddlySquatty · 24/08/2020 07:29

It’s definitely him, not you.

Toptotoeunicolour · 24/08/2020 07:43

He's dumped you but he didn't have the balls to say it upfront and honest to you. No breakdown. It's unforgivable behaviour but he's really not worth your time, worry, caring, energy. Save it for someone who deserves it.

badacorn · 24/08/2020 07:56

He doesn’t have the balls to break up with you and wants you to do it for him. I would block him on everything and move on. If he comes to you asking why you can say I thought it had fizzled out because you wouldn’t talk to me for so long, sorry.

This isn’t your fault op some people are just coward when it comes to break ups, some people will stay in a relationship for years instead of ending it even though they want to.

sonjadog · 24/08/2020 07:59

I can understand his reaction. Yes, it was overdramatic, but he is having problems with his mental health at the moment and that may affect his responses. He told you he was having problems and work, needed space and wanted to withdraw mentally for a few weeks. You have had some small contact, which is good and probably helped him. But then you said something that added an extra stresser to his current situation, and he couldn't deal with another thing, so his solution was to block you.
Not a great solution, and you are absolutely entitled to be upset and express that, but I can see why he did it. In any case, the relationship is over and you need to move on.

TwentyViginti · 24/08/2020 08:15

Women are conditioned to feel responsible for men's bad behaviour. This is why you feel it's your fault, OP.

It isn't your fault at all. Sounds like he has someone else lined up but is too cowardly to end things with you properly.

Original poster

ImNotStupid · 24/08/2020 08:17

@sonjadog he didn’t tell me he needed a few weeks, he said a few days. Which is why I text to check he was ok and let him know I was still there for him. He read these but didn’t reply. The only communication I’ve had from him in all that time is the 2 messages he sent me on Saturday which were “hi” and “I’m ok”. That’s why I was upset because I’ve felt like if he cared about me he would have let me know what was going on, or asked about what I’d been up or something?

I understand I reacted badly and shouldn’t have got upset but I’d been worrying about him for weeks and that response just made me feel like he hadn’t cared at all.

OP posts:

Shizzlestix · 24/08/2020 08:20

He’s a horrible person and you’ve had a lucky escape, frankly.

Yesmate · 24/08/2020 08:23

Delete, block and move on. He’s horrible to do that to you.

dontdisturbmenow · 24/08/2020 08:23

I believed him because he’s had a lot of stress at work alongside other personal thing
...and another girl. He needed time to decide which one to go with. He picked the other one.

ItalianHat · 24/08/2020 08:30

I’ve probably just been an idiot wanting to think he was feeling the same way I did

You're not an idiot. He's a coward. He can't bear to be the "baddie" and end the relationship, so he behaves in a way which invites you to dump him, thus keeping his own sense of himself of a good guy who's misunderstood. (Been there, got the T-shirt).

And he's wanting to have his cake & eat it too. He's happy enough to "take space" but also have you hanging on, to give him support when he wants it. But he's not prepared to deal with your feelings.

End it clearly with hi, and move on.

It's really hard, but think of it as ripping off a plaster. One short sharp sting is better than endless tiny pulls. Really, believe me - I've been there. Trying to maintain a relationship with someone behaving like this wrecked me for several years.

Heronsnest · 24/08/2020 08:32

Not worth your time, energy or tears OP.

WashedUpDriedOut · 24/08/2020 08:34

He doesn't care.

And by ignoring you like this he's making you grateful for any tiny crumbs of attention he throwing you, like a very short text.

He's not a good person to treat you this way.

There is probably someone else too.

Please block him.

Etinox · 24/08/2020 08:35

You’ve don’t nothing wrong. You don’t sound needy. He’s finished the relationship and was probably looking for an excuse to. He might well be having MH problems, he’s also behaved appallingly.

LEELULUMPKIN · 24/08/2020 08:37

You've dodged a bullet there OP.

Blobby10 · 24/08/2020 08:45

Are you my daughter?? She's had exactly the same thing happen to her recently so I will say to you what I said to her - any boy/man who treats you like this does not deserve your consideration, caring and respect. Hard as it may be, don't contact him again,. You have done NOTHING wrong.

My daughter actually found out yesterday that he has posted an 'In a relationship' status on FB with a girl he swore blind there was nothing going on with! I won't repeat what I said about him but the air did turn blue. My poor DD is 200 miles away working her socks off to get some money behind her before she starts an internship before her 3rd year of uni and is coping with this all by herself. I'm torn between wanting to go and punch him in the face and also go and comfort her!

SurreyHillsGirl · 24/08/2020 08:46

Don't let anyone treat you so disrespectfully. Five months in a relationship should be fun and you should be getting to know one another, not taking three week breaks. You really do need to move on from this one, OP. It's a non starter.

DocOfTheBay · 24/08/2020 08:50

He was dishonest and cowardly and has used ‘space’ to end the relationship. Not your fault.

However, there really are people who go to ground when stressed or upset and don’t want people messaging them and ‘being there for them’ in some sort of unspecified way. I am one of those people. People ‘checking in with me’ and sending me texts adds to the pressure. It makes me feel as if I have another thing to respond to, to be nice about and show gratitude for. But I appreciate that is really hard to navigate, for my friends. But I don’t say one thing and mean another.

Original poster

ImNotStupid · 24/08/2020 08:56

@DocOfTheBay that’s the thing, he said to me don’t stop completely texting but I might not always reply. So I thought I was doing the right thing. And I always said to him only reply if/when you’re feeling up to it.

@Blobby10 I’m so sorry your daughter is going through the same, it’s horrible. I feel completely blindsided when I thought everything was going so well. I’m sure she must feel the same.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread