Anyone else's family not believe that WFH = work?

[InescapableDeath]

My husband and I have been working from home since lockdown, also home-educating two kids for most of that. It's been exhausting (I know a lot of people have it tougher).

I don't think our parents believe we actually have work to do? My husband works fulltime, and I work part-time in a really full-on agency job where I have to declare what I'm doing by the hour. I've compressed my hours to four long days over the lockdown/holidays so I can actually spend Fridays talking to my children - as soon as they are back to school I'm doing five shorter days again.

My parents and the in-laws have done things like phoning in the day and getting a bit upset if we can't chat. Inviting us to garden parties on a Thursday and being super surprised that we have work to do? Not understanding that as well as working in the day, we often have to work in the evening as well. I'm not expecting them to throw a pity party for us - it is what it is - but they haven't ever even offered sympathy or 'that sounds hard'.

My parents rang yesterday to announce they are visiting us soon which is great - we haven't seen them since about January.

But they're arriving the Friday morning that the kids are back at school and I was planning to be back working Fridays then! My husband will have loads of work/calls to be doing too. It's pointless telling them to come later. They leave home at 6am so they can get to ours at 9 and beat the traffic.

Every time I mentioned the work situation my dad completely changed the topic - I don't think it's malicious, he just doesn't get what my work actually involves and if I'm not going 'out' to work, it's like he thinks can't be that big a deal (he essentially worked in a factory when he was working).

I want to see them so it's fine, I will move back working Fridays by one week but I honestly think both sets of parents think we are just doing gardening while we're working from home...

I really can't work AND see them - I usually have deadlines for work in the course of a day, as well as loads of video calls, random calls on my phone, etc. Last time the in-laws popped in I ended up cancelling all my afternoon meetings and doing the work in the evening. Not ideal.

ARGH, is it just me?

[Jaxhog]

WFM = WFH

[Jessicabrassica]

I had my mil phone on Friday dh was out (he is on school holidays). She said "are you working in inverted comas?" I said I was working and where I worked did not affect what I did.

I'm a bit worried about my dad though. He has dementia and has no concept of work and I realised in lockdown that he phoned us every day but since lockdown he's actually got an answer from the house. If I return to the office he will actually think we've cut him off because we want nothing more to do with him. (he did this when we were on holiday. We had a day out with flakey signal so I couldn't phone him. By 4:30 we had care staff on the phone because he was really upset that we'd going to deal with this. decided to move and have no further contact. ". Really not sure how he's

[WriteronaMission]

You have my sympathy. My DM has never got it in her head that I WFH. I'm self-employed too so I think that's another kicker

The irony is she's now WFH because of lockdown and says how hard it is and how I can't possibly understand what she's going through. My DSis is WFH with her as they both work at the same place and keeps saying she tells our DM this is what I've been doing for a decade.

I've always put it down to my DM being that generation where everyone went out to work or was a SAHM. She views me as a SAHM despite both children in school/nursery. I just ignore her phone calls during the day. Fortunately were both in different countries so she can't just visit without some extensive planning.

[mothertoteens]

My PIL seem to think that too. They think that because DH and BIL have just been lying around doing nothing most of the day that's what WFH actually is. When I was WFH during self isolation (can't do it full time but admin is fine) they were genuinely shocked that I was actually working. A lot of DH & BIL's work has been on hold during lockdown and is only now starting to pick up.

[cologne4711]

I think a lot of people, managers included (!) can't grasp that work is what you DO. It is not (necessarily) somewhere you go.

I agree with pp's who say that once people retire they forget that the rest of the world has to still work. But I would have hoped that once I explained what I did to my still very young parents (which they are if they are in their 60s) they would stop being inconsiderate and leave me alone during working hours. OP you have a lot more patience than I do! I can relate to your calls about Hermes though - my mum used to ring me (at work, in an office) with endless queries about how her computer worked.

People need to work harder at understanding that it doesn't matter where you do your work, you are still doing it.

[Phlewf]

I have this problem. I still only get a 30 min break during the day so when I start ending a call with dm after 25 mins she gets huffy. Then asks what I’m going for lunch - that’s what the crunching was when we were talking!

Too the biscuit when I was talking about seeing my sister and was told to “remember that she works so her time is more precious” dunno how she thinks I’m paying the bills.

[RasberryRoyale]

We have this too. My Husband is working from home and we are getting requests to come over during the day, people inviting themselves over and getting grumpy when he can’t sit and have a long chat and cup of tea.

Also, lots of comments like “it’s alright for him, we are working, when is he back at work?”

[BaconsLaw]

My husband is self employed and works from home. Has done for years. I work full time, currently from home. When I'm not working, my husband is as we are juggling everything with a four year old as well.

As a result, my husband works all day every weekend so rarely comes out with us. Every time, without fail, my mum will ask if husband is having a lazy day to himself.

No, he's bloody working, like always!

[Rach000]

My BIL came round the other day with his son as my husband was looking after our girls. I was upstairs working from home as I have been since March. I heard him ask my husband what I was doing and was I just waiting for the phone to ring... he said no she is doing actual work, emails, spreadsheets etc. Haha. He is only early 30s but doesnt work in an office so obviously doesnt get it either.

[squeekyclean]

I've worked from home (self employed) for a few years now and my MIL still seems shocked whenever I tell her I can't speak/go shopping with her etc as I am working.

I also do some voluntary work, and I'm getting really sick of being asked to do more than other members of the team because 'we can't ask Sue as she WORKS' and having to point out that I too work.

[babyguffingtonstrikesagain]

If my parents arranged to visit for a day that I usually work and I hadn't seen them for 8 months then I would take a day's annual leave for the day. Is that not possible?

[Lazypuppy]

WFH is different for everyone, not everyone has to do 9-5.

I have to do my hours each day but doesn't matter when. So i can clock off if i have no meetings and go and meet friends for lunch or whatever, then log back on in the afternoon and carry on. No one qorks friday afternoons, so we have all logged off my abour 1pm

[Marpan]

I can’t deal with this. My mum told me to go out and get a part time job the other day.


Just because I’m at home doesn’t mean I don’t work, how does she think I pay for stuff!!!

[sitckmansladylove]

I couldn't cope with that mentality at all. My sil works from home with a 10 month old baby who goes to nursery
My dad laughs and says 'has she no Brain.. paying for childcare while at home all day?' I actually went mad. But couldn't tell him as he'd laugh more. She has a very important job.

[hopsalong]

Total sympathy. All exactly the same here. And I agree with working on Friday to make the point.

To extend the topic... does anyone else have the feeling that their DH doesn't seem to have nearly as much work as they do now you're both working from home? Mine is much quicker (now during school holidays) to suggest that, say, we both take the children out together for the day and has been a bigger proponent of holidays away. Somehow he seems to get everything done in 3-4 hours a day, whereas I do 3-4 hours every day and the same again every evening and am still wildly behind...

[QueenofLouisiana]

Not just parents, half the country seems to think that my WFH meant I didn’t do anything.
Not sure where people thought the work their children were set came from.

[Happynow001]

@GoldenOmber

I've had my family stay a few times when I've been WFH and oh it's tiring. "Is that you done for the day then?" No Dad, it's only two o'clock, I'm working until 5. "Until FIVE?" Yes, Dad.
Half hour later, I go through to the kitchen for a coffee: "Is that you done for the day, then?"

They don't think I'm slacking I think, they just fundamentally don't quite get that working from home is still a whole day of work.

The message just doesn't get through does it? I wonder if they (not just your parents, but all those who don't understand how modern technology assists WFH) would turn up in your usual office building and sit at the desk next to you wanting a chat throughout your working day...

I did have this initially with my mother, until she saw me setting up my office in the corner of her dining room and working and/or headset on participating in conference calls through the day...

Strength everyone.. 🌹and 🍷!

[monkeytennis97]

DMum doesn't believe it for me (teacher) but does for my siblings....

[RedToothBrush]

Dh is working from home and unlikely to return to the office until May at the earliest (for covid and none covid reasons).

Hes suffering from burn out due to the lack of social contact and the extra pressure and increased hours hes ended up working from it.

There was an article on the bbc last week about how wfh was not proving to be the wonderful thing that its been made out to be.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-53683463
Stress, burnout and redundancy: Tough times in IT

Its an interesting read and thought it might be worthwhile for some on this thread.

[DarkHelmet]

My DM is like this. I set up my own business wfh 6 years ago. It was a slog to build up client base and I work bloody hard! But my DM just doesn't get it. If I'm at home surely I'm not working! Well of course I am, I run a business from my home!! She calls at all times of day expecting me to be able to chat, gets annoyed if I can't, and makes hospital/GP appointments expecting me to be able to take her. She just can't grasp that I have clients and deadlines and can't just shelve them to take her places. It's very frustrating, especially after 6 years!

[Happynow001]

I now have a reputation for not answering the door.
Good for you @Jaxhog!! I've been known to disconnect my doorbell and draw the blinds/curtains so people think I'm out. 🌹

[WiseUpJanetWeiss]

I feel your pain. My DM still asks me “and what have you been doing today” on our daily FaceTime calls. To be fair, she lives in a care home so can be entirely forgiven for not remembering it’s a week day. One of these days I may actually give her a run down of the day.

A few years ago I was wfh for half days/going in for half days, because my DH needed help after major surgery. PIL, who are completely lovely, came to stay for a couple of days. While MIL fabulously did all the housework, FIL wandered into the office every 20 minutes for a nice chat. I just could not get through to him that I was busy!

[Kaiserin]

Sounds like an old, retired people thing, doesn't it?
Or do people of working age also suffer from this misconception?

I find older people suffer from quite a lot if misconceptions quite frankly (my DF for instance, insists children don't really need looking after )

[Kaiserin]

(and seems to think household chores just magically sort themselves, so why can't me and DH spend all our time entertaining him during our holidays? Strangely enough though, he does understand WFH is work)

[middleager]

A newish friend keeps "popping" over. I have explained I'm working, but she comes at random times.

One day she turned up in the middle of a key meeting with all the senior bosses. I had to answer the door with my laptop, muting sound and visual. She'd bought round some home cooked food and I felt awful for just asking if she could leave it in the porch as I was in a critical meeting. I then panicked as I'd missed some of the meeting.