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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of this shit?

97 replies

toothfairy73 · 23/08/2020 01:35

I'm so angry. Not sure if it is really an AIBU. I just need to vent. I've just discovered that a distant relative is in a new relationship via Facebook. That would fine and dandy except he is married with 4 children (one of which is a tiny baby).

I'm so angry that he has so little respect for his wife that he has announced the end of their marriage in this way.

Im so angry with men getting women pregnant and then appearing to feel left out, or disgruntled because they have to share the attention. Or they go for someone without the baby weight and stretch marks (which they helped to create). I'm so pissed off with men not being able to keep In their pants and women being left to pick up the pieces.

This isn't family that I see regularly, and are family by marriage. It's none of my business and I am fully aware of that but I am so sick of this shit.

OP posts:
Dee1975 · 23/08/2020 07:05

Do you know how / why they broke up? Maybe she ran off with someone else. It’s not always the mans fault ....

Oysterbabe · 23/08/2020 07:31

You don't know what happened.

GinWithRosie · 23/08/2020 07:56

The key word here is 'distant'.

Not your business! Keep your nose out!

GinWithRosie · 23/08/2020 07:58

And actually...you sound irrational!!! Fuck's sake 🤦‍♀️

piscean10 · 23/08/2020 08:01

yabu for your ott generalizing. do you judge women who have a baby with every single man she dates too?
you really don't know what happened to be sick of this 'shit'. Looks like you want some drama.

NameChangeNugget · 23/08/2020 08:01

Get a grip OP. You sound unhinged

WellThisWentWell · 23/08/2020 08:02

I get it.

YANBU.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 23/08/2020 08:03

It seems like you don’t know the details and are projecting here.

Noneformethanks · 23/08/2020 08:06

You don’t know what happened though.

Libertylee · 23/08/2020 08:07

What on earth does it have to do with you? You’re way over invested.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/08/2020 08:08

You’re very upset. Is something else going on in your own life?

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/08/2020 08:08

You don’t know his wife has stretch marks. I don’t.

RatInADollhouse · 23/08/2020 08:11

For all you know OP she kicked him out sniveling and heartbroken, and he’s been lucky enough to find what feels like love again. Or he’s just trying to pick up the pieces with a rebound.

It sounds like you have had other experiences with men who have left women high and dry with children so you may have every reason to be angry but your distant cousin is the wrong target.

Original poster
toothfairy73 · 23/08/2020 08:12

I'm sick of men just buggering off and leaving women to pick up the pieces. I've seen it so many times. And to announce it by just changing your Facebook status seems so disrespectful to the mother of your children

OP posts:
Noneformethanks · 23/08/2020 08:13

Do you think his wife didn’t notice he’d left?

beautifulxdisasters · 23/08/2020 08:17

How do you know he "buggered off" OP?

Maybe she has a new partner too.

At the end of the day you have absolutely no idea what is going on in their lives from one post on Facebook. Why is it bothering you so much?

Original poster
toothfairy73 · 23/08/2020 08:17

Do you think it's respectful?

OP posts:
LongPauseNoReply · 23/08/2020 08:18

I agree OP, all you have to do is read the relationship threads on here. YANBU

Noneformethanks · 23/08/2020 08:18

So if you split from a partner, you’re never supposed to change your relationship status on Facebook?

Original poster
toothfairy73 · 23/08/2020 08:18
  1. he has form for this
  2. since been confirmed he left him, he has an affair while she is bringing up his children
OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 23/08/2020 08:19

@toothfairy73

I'm sick of men just buggering off and leaving women to pick up the pieces. I've seen it so many times. And to announce it by just changing your Facebook status seems so disrespectful to the mother of your children
Well they most likely announced it outside of facebook to people who matter...

You can be tired as you want, but you don't know what happened, you are not part of the inner circle and people can leave relationship if they are not happy🤷🏻

So YABU

RowboatsinDisguise · 23/08/2020 08:20

If he’s a distant relative, they could have been separated for ages. They probably didn’t include you in their ‘list of people to phone about the divorce’.

Noneformethanks · 23/08/2020 08:21

Regardless of that, and he sounds horrible, but what do you mean by “announce the end of his marriage in this way”?

Are you supposed to do that? Notice in the paper? Flyover by a plane?

As long as his wife knew he’d left her what does it matter what he puts on Facebook?

Original poster
toothfairy73 · 23/08/2020 08:22

And it seems there has been some domestic violence involved (him not her). I have other loved ones who have been put through hell and back by abusive cheating men so yes maybe I'm projecting but seriously why can't some men keep it in their pants and there fists to themselves

OP posts:
FinnyStory · 23/08/2020 08:22

I'd guess his wife knew he'd gone, I doubt he "announced" it via FB, the people who aren't "distant" have probably known for weeks.

You have no idea what actually happened.

The scenario you are projecting onto him is not one I recognise. Every brake up of a long term realtionship with children, regardless of the reason, that I am aware of has left both partners reeling and struggling with a difficult situation, trying to find the least bad way for everyone to move forward.

The advice here is always that an unhappy person should leave. What should he have done that would have been acceptable to you?

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