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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to leave 2 week old DD in her cot whilst I shower?

118 replies

Boomclaps · 22/08/2020 07:50

Right, so I realise my anxiety is through the ducking roof. I’ve been referred to MH for this and I am getting help. But DP went back to work a couple of days ago, with 6am starts and I haven’t had a shower since then.
Can I leave DD in her cot (she’s sleeping after morning BF),in our bedroom for a few mins whilst I stop myself smelling like stale breast milk and cleanse my stitches?

OP posts:
Squirrels1974 · 22/08/2020 08:52

Of course. This is how every mother grabs a shower in those early days.

I’d take the monitor with me and I’d usually just have a quick wash / do the essentials and save the hair washing etc for a time DP was home to go to DS if he woke (he was and still is a rubbish sleeper).

I actually think this Is a pretty normal worry in the early days - I was the same.

Be kind to yourself OP

Twizbe · 22/08/2020 08:52

@Boomclaps

Thank you so much. I will pop for one now. Bathroom and bedroom are opposite, 8 meters from cot to bath/shower. I know it sounds daft, I’ve been meaning to wash of an evening but she’s been really windy. And hard to settle at night so as soon as DP is home he’s been doing a bottle of EBM so I can sleep for a few hours

Thank you all

Congrats on your baby.

I just wanted to say, evening fussiness is normal at 2 weeks old. A lot of babies have something called a witching hour(s) in the evening. It's very predicable and they grow out of it around 12-14 weeks.

I found with both mine that breastfeeding through it helped us all. Especially as in the early weeks it also times with some cluster feeding. What also helped was knowing that it started at 7pm. That meant I ate my dinner before then and got myself comfy ready for it to start.

As for the shower - do it. When she's sleeping get in that shower. When she sleeps in the afternoon, lie down on the sofa and have a snooze. That will help
Too

chocolatemademefat · 22/08/2020 08:53

Of course you can. And you should. It’s a relief to be hands free for a bit when you have a new baby and you need time for yourself. Having a quick shower is not neglecting your baby - it’ll make you feel better and benefit both of you. I used to leave the radio on low when I was showering and both of mine were fine.

Congratulations and enjoy your baby 💐

riotlady · 22/08/2020 09:01

Of course you can!

I remember having this same anxiety about going for a poo (I had a c section and struggled with it a bit for a few weeks after) and a video monitor helped my anxiety a lot. I got one off amazon meant for pets as it was cheaper than all the baby ones and did the exact same thing!

Sheknowsaboutme · 22/08/2020 09:03

Of course you can. She will be absolutely fine. As others have said, bouncy chair/door open.

Polly2345 · 22/08/2020 09:19

I did this all the time. Just made it a v quick shower (didn't wash my hair, just my body). It's really important you after your stitches.

Flatpackback · 22/08/2020 09:20

What happens when you sleep at night or do you sit up watching baby 24/7?

BluePaintSample · 22/08/2020 09:21

Who the fuck is voting YABU?

Of course you are not. Look after yourself. If that means sleeping whilst your Dh has the baby in an evening, that is what you should do. As long as your baby is somewhere safe, showering, going for a poo, you need to do it.

Equimum · 22/08/2020 09:22

Absolutely, do it! Until I was confident with this, I used to put the Moses basket in the bathroom doorway.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 22/08/2020 09:26

Babies are precious I know BUT I simply don’t understand how it’s become a THING that the baby must NEVER be alone.

In my opinion it is important that a baby learns to go to sleep on their own and eventually to entertain themselves a little as well.

Although my DCs slept in our room until they were too big for the basket / crib, they had their naps in the basket but with the basket put in the cot in their room.

I always had the monitor with me but if they were napping upstairs I could get on with housework, showering or even just relaxing in front of the telly. I’d happily peg out washing knowing I’d hear if they woke. I also never had total quiet when they were daytime sleeping. At first household noises would wake them but they learned to sleep through hoovering, TV noise etc.

If the baby is with you constantly how can you do any of the cleaning which needs sprays etc? I’d never use a bathroom cleaning spray for example in the same room as a baby.

OP, put your baby in its cot and have your shower. Don’t overly rush - if you are rushing you are more likely to slip over or something. Take it easy on yourself. Even if baby cries they will be okay. You will be a happier healthier mum which leads to a happier healthier baby.

Congratulations on your baby - but ENJOY parenthood don’t be a martyr to it.

YesINameChangeEveryDay · 22/08/2020 09:26

And yes, as a pp said evening fussiness is very normal. Ds cried pretty much solidly for 2 hours every evening until he was around 6 weeks old.

WoolyMammoth55 · 22/08/2020 09:27

Sending love and congratulations OP - the early days are SO tough, to be honest I think I was in a certain amount of shock! Remember just feeling quite numb and completely overwhelmed.

Self-care is important and your baby is super safe in the cot - it's the safest place for her... So do take time for what you need to feel good, and what you need in terms of your scar healing.

Promise it gets easier!

Therarestone · 22/08/2020 09:30

Yes yes yes. She needs you to take care of yourself too.

Tomatoesneedtogrow · 22/08/2020 09:30

i think i occasionally put mine in the car seat/rocker,
look after yourself op

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 22/08/2020 09:33

Of course! She’ll be fine.

The other thing I did is sometimes bring mine into the bathroom in their bouncer or (if I remember) car seat.

You don’t have to wait til they’re asleep btw as that’s precious sleeping time for you too !

NeverForgetYourDreams · 22/08/2020 09:34

I used to lay mine on the floor on lots of towels for comfort underneath whilst I had a shower

DianasLasso · 22/08/2020 09:41

Ah, congrats on your baby.

I remember that feeling of overwhelming panic that I mustn't make any mistakes... so draining!

Glad you've taken on board that she'll be fine for a few minutes. Re. evening fussiness, yes, it's a thing - which is why it's such a good idea to adjust your day round hers. Mine had terrible colic in the evenings - I knew 5-11 was a write-off. So I made sure I showered in the morning (moses basket on the bathroom floor for me - I know that feeling of panic all too well), then proper cooked meal at lunchtime, so that I could snack one-handed in the evening while bouncing the baby with the other hand.

It will get easier, I promise!

SarahAndQuack · 22/08/2020 09:49

Just popping on to second (third ...) the poster mentioning the moses basked/bouncer/soft towel option for having them in with you. Obviously if she's asleep she's fine in her cot where she is, but I totally recommend a shower or a bath with a baby beside the bath in a bouncer. It's amazing as they get bigger because you can sit in a hot bath and be right there with them. Also excellent if they get snotty winter colds because they're breathing the lovely steam.

CMMum88 · 22/08/2020 09:51

I used to put mine in her pram or her bouncer. Now I put the shnuggle bath in the bottom of the shower so two birds with one stone:)

sashh · 22/08/2020 09:51

OP

Until I was 3 months old my parents lived in a tiny terraced house, the only toilet was outside and across a courtyard. My mum was at home with me and my 2 year old brother.

The bath was a tin one they put in the living room and filled from the kettle.

I have no idea how she coped with washing / using the toilet (I suspect a bucket or potty may have been involved).

Many many new parents do not have the luxury of a shower 8m away from their baby. I'm sure babies all over the world are left for 5 - 10 mins or longer, in their cot / moses basket / cardboard box.

Start thinking 'Is my baby safe?' rather than 'Can I leave her alone?'

Baileyscheesecake · 22/08/2020 09:55

Sorry I voted YABU when I meant you are not being unreasonable to leave her while you shower.

mynameiscalypso · 22/08/2020 09:56

I used to put on music for DS too while I was showering. I'm not sure how comforted he was by an early morning blast of Taylor Swift but it made me feel like he wasn't actually alone!

crimsonlake · 22/08/2020 09:56

Gosh the early days are now a number of years back for me, but I remember feeling like this. I could not even get organised to leave the house until very late afternoon as everything took forever as a first time mum. Enjoy your baby, the early days go by so quickly and are so precious.

Marmaladey · 22/08/2020 09:58

One thing to know, it’s not uncommon to “hear” your baby crying in the white noise of the shower. I thought I was going crazy because every time I showered I could hear the crying but the baby was fast asleep. It is apparently an actual thing, makes for very uncomfortable showering!

Gin4thewin · 22/08/2020 10:00

I always used to put DD in her moses basket or bouncer in the bathroom with me. I still do now shes 8m old if she wakes up before ive had a chance to shower.