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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to leave 2 week old DD in her cot whilst I shower?

118 replies

Boomclaps · 22/08/2020 07:50

Right, so I realise my anxiety is through the ducking roof. I’ve been referred to MH for this and I am getting help. But DP went back to work a couple of days ago, with 6am starts and I haven’t had a shower since then.
Can I leave DD in her cot (she’s sleeping after morning BF),in our bedroom for a few mins whilst I stop myself smelling like stale breast milk and cleanse my stitches?

OP posts:

Ginfordinner · 22/08/2020 08:00

Or you can shower on the evening when your partner is home.

Pinktornado · 22/08/2020 08:01

Definitely! You’d be fine without one but a video monitor also helped alleviate my anxiety in the first weeks (only looked at it a billion times during my first solo shower I think I expected DS to leap out of his cot at 2 weeks old.)

Also (unsolicited advice I know but) getting a sling really helped strap DS to me so I could move round the house. Get a shop to help you fit one if possible as the stretchy ones need to be higher and tighter than you’d imagine!

CrunchyNutNC · 22/08/2020 08:02

Absolutely reasonable to leave for 5 mins while you have a quick shower.

If you feel anxious about it (which I did at the time but retrospectively see was unnecessary), you could put DD on a blanket on the floor at the door as PPs suggested. This was my preferred approach because I could enjoy my shower far more knowing for sure that they were absolutely fine.

Pumpkinnose · 22/08/2020 08:02

Of course you can. Baby will be absolutely fine and I always did with mine. Hope you get your MH support soon OP and take care x

Original poster

Boomclaps · 22/08/2020 08:02

Thank you so much. I will pop for one now. Bathroom and bedroom are opposite, 8 meters from cot to bath/shower.
I know it sounds daft, I’ve been meaning to wash of an evening but she’s been really windy. And hard to settle at night so as soon as DP is home he’s been doing a bottle of EBM so I can sleep for a few hours

Thank you all

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 22/08/2020 08:03

Think logically. If you were a single parent you'd have to. As long as baby is somewhere safe they're fine, even if they re awake and crying you can leave them for a bit to make a drink, make lunch, hang the washing out.

Michaelbaubles · 22/08/2020 08:03

Of course you can. There’s a reason why second babies tend to sleep better in their cots/settle easier - it’s because they get left alone more often (in a safe, warm, clean place!)

Nottherealslimshady · 22/08/2020 08:03

Yes of course. You need to keep yourself clean and look after yourself. Congratulations on your little girl

Theelderscrolls · 22/08/2020 08:06

Yup this is what I did with both of mine. It's worth getting a video baby monitor and taking it in with you. That way I could take a bit more time and shave my legs or whatever if I knew they were quite happy.

Valambtine · 22/08/2020 08:06

Yes of course. And if she's awake put her in s bouncy chair in bathroom. I don't know if they still make them, but my kids had a mobile called "tiny love symphony in motion" which were weird looking things but they played for 15 mins and had black and white swirly spirals under and all my kids would stare at it fascinated for the full 15 mins, allowing me to shower in peace. God I loved that thing!

Frazzled2207 · 22/08/2020 08:08

Yes of course. Mine didn’t like being left alone though so I would sometimes do this and sometimes put them in the bathroom on their bouncy chair.

Getting a mobile for them to watch while in the cot helped

Junglerum · 22/08/2020 08:14

I’ve always done this with mine. You often don’t have a choice If you’re a lone parent. As pp says bouncy chair is another option as they like to watch

MindyStClaire · 22/08/2020 08:19

Hope you had an amazing shower!

I find I relax a bit more if I get my clothes etc laid out before I go. Then I know if the baby is stirring as I get out I'll be able to throw my clothes on and be sorted for the day rather than scrabbling around while she cries or stuck feeding naked upstairs.

20viona · 22/08/2020 08:21

Yes absolutely of course you can. You have to! Feeling clean and fresh will
Help lift you mentally. ☺️

WaltzfortheMars · 22/08/2020 08:25

If you are worried so much, can you use Moses basket? Then you can take her near the bathroom and leave the door open so you can physically see her. That's what I did.

Sertchgi123 · 22/08/2020 08:32

I remember feeling like this with my first baby. I wish someone had reassured me back then, that a baby in a cot is the safest they could be.

I subsequently had two more children, so had three under five. You learn the hard way about keeping children safe. A toddler gets into everything, climbs, explores and you need eyes in the back of your head!

On the other hand, whilst you’re doing a 101 things with the older two, the baby is safe! My subsequent babies were much easier, as I didn’t faff about with them, I couldn’t! They learned to self settle from an early age.

I hope that helps.

PontiacBandit · 22/08/2020 08:33

I always did this from day 1, left them in Moses basket whilst I showered and dressed. They've been there all night safely, another 5/10 minutes is perfectly fine.
After a poor night's sleep, I needed a shower to wake me up.

SqidgeBum · 22/08/2020 08:35

Yes! She will be completely fine.

As they get older and she may be awake a bit more, I used to pop mine in the bouncer and bring her into the bathroom with me. I used to sing in the shower and it kept her happy.

Those first few weeks are so hard. You are doing a great job even if you feel you arent

diddl · 22/08/2020 08:38

@Ginfordinner

Or you can shower on the evening when your partner is home.

Yes, but there's no need to is there if Op would prefer a morning shower-or both!

In fact it's acceptable to be singing in the shower whilst the baby is (unbeknownst to the singer) crying in their cot & the health visitor is knocking on the door & having a chuckle!

I mean if you shower then sling a towel on & get dried & dressed in view of your baby, they've been left for probably no longer than it takes to go to the toilet!

I hope no one thinks of not doing that until their partner is home!

SideEyeing · 22/08/2020 08:40

I really struggled with this too. As a result I smelt pretty bad for a good while postpartum as I'd only shower if DH was home.. Plus showering or any sort of moving really hurt. But yes, she will be fine. As long as her sleep environment is safe (the recommendations yadda yadda) even if she were to wake she can't exactly get into bother coming to find you at two weeks!

I'd have had a far more fragrant time postpartum if I'd taken my own advice

Nanny0gg · 22/08/2020 08:41

Of course you can.

But it sounds like a video monitor would help your anxiety

Cam2020 · 22/08/2020 08:41

Yes, you need to make the most of a sleeping baby!

I had a moses basket for my daughter, so I could take her with me and it was a lifesaver. A baby monitor will do just as well.

Lulooo · 22/08/2020 08:43

Yes, to add to the chorus of voices saying it's totally acceptable. Look after yourself and congratulations. Your post took me back to my early days and everything you've described is so, so familiar. I look back at those times with fondness now though at the time, I was so shattered and on anxious.

megletthesecond · 22/08/2020 08:43

I had electronic cot mobile for this. It was 10 minutes of music and moving birds. The dc's were happy to watch it while I showered or went to the toilet.

Dragongirl10 · 22/08/2020 08:51

of course it will be fine to go and have a quick shower.

I used to put mine on a thick towel in the bathroom where l could see her, and go for a shower and hairwash every morning, from the first day l got home from hospital.
I found if l did it after her first morning feed, and nappy change she was content to be there.....l could usually manage a quick blowdry and touch of makeup.
Often they just need to hear your voice so lots of chattering !

Once DsSarrived, ( DD was 16 months), Ds used to get left on the towels, and DD would come in the shower with me, for a wash, then get put in a travel cot in the bathroom doorway, with a couple of toys whilst l finished my shower.

My Dh often worked away so l had to manage.

Timing is everything, find the calmest time and stick to that daily.

Even tiny babies can be put down as long as you can see them.

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