AIBU to think it wasn't harsh enough?

[Morgzmum]

A few days ago, 1 of the neighbours children, who was playing on the communal area/road(!) came and knocked on my door and asked if I could stop my daughters from looking at them (he was with another neighbours child) while they were playing! My daughters are 3 and 4 and during lockdown their favourite hobby is looking out of the living room window for delivery vans who they've name (Mia the DPDP van).

I wouldn't have been as annoyed if he asked politely but this little 9 year old banged on my door like a bailiff and stood on my doorstep with the biggest pigeon chest I've even seen.

I asked him if his mum knew that he was knocking on people's doors telling their children when and where they can look outside, he told me to shut up and stormed off towards the other neighbours child who was telling me that they told him not to do anything as they're (my daughters) are only babies. I went round to his house to inform his mum what he had done, she shouted him over and said "please don't do that again, you know what happened last time" then sent him off to play again!

I don't know what happened last time but this child will jump out in front of cars while they are going down our road, refuse to move from SITTING AND LAYING in the middle of our road and throw pebbles (from his own driveway) at parked cars, so I'm guessing it isn't good.

AIBU to think that he wasn't even punished?
As far as I'm aware he hasn't been punished for any of the other idiotic things he's done and his mum will quite happily let him hang out of the window at his waist while she's driving.

Do I still have a right to be pissed off with how she handled it? My children wouldn't dream of doing anything that child does including my 3 year old.

He had a conversation with you, his DM had a conversation with him. Seems proportional. Doesn't need punishment.

The other issues like laying in traffic or throwing stones are an issue and require more, but that's not what you were dealing with.

I think for this specific incident it was fine, but generally his behaviour sounds terrible and he isn’t being patented properly.

Is his mum coping? Sounds like she’s struggling with a very difficult child.

He got shouted at....some parents would have taken his side. Try to see the funny side...the little git!

He doesn't need punished for knocking on your door and talking to you. His DM had told him to stop doing it. You have no idea if he is being punished for his other misdemeanours or not. He does sound like a very difficult child though.

She seem to be managing well, she has both her parents up, I'm guessing to help her, I've also offered to take him to the park when we go but she always says no he's fine on the front.

I said shouted as in called, she called him over, talked to him, well whispered, then sent him to play again

@Morgzmum

For this incident I think that's ok, certainly in terms of the child calling to your door.

However, she should have been a lot more firm in relation to him saying 'shut up' if you. That's not acceptable at all.

The other incidents are a lot more worrying but you're not dealing with those right now.

I think your own reaction is fairly harsh. He was cheeky for coming to your door but I'd have been friendly & clear with him, and wouldn't have gone off over to his mum either.

My children wouldn't dream of doing anything that child does including my 3 year old.

It's almost as if every child is different. My DB was the same growing up- 'naughty' and everyone used to judge my parents. Only he wasn't, he just wasn't diagnosed until later in life. She probably judges you for your children starting out of the window, is there really nothing else they want to do?

Yes it sounds like he was rude but at 9 he's not exactly at the height of maturity. Just to try and see it from the other side, it would be a bit unnerving having 2 kids staring at you constantly whilst you're playing outside so maybe he had a point. If they are having a quick look now and again fair enough, but if they were there for a long time watching him maybe you could think about your parenting also?

He’s 9. He was spoken to about unnecessarily speaking to you. Perfectly appropriate and doesn’t need a punishment.

The other behaviour is dangerous and he sounds like he could do with something more but that’s not really your business.

Also agree that it depends how long your girls are watching for as you how unnerving it would be. I can imagine you have an odd neighbour who says “those poor girls at number 3 just stare out all day” as much as they say “that boy at number 5 is at it again”

Horrible thing to say about a child.

It's true.

@Thehop

Also agree that it depends how long your girls are watching for as you how unnerving it would be. I can imagine you have an odd neighbour who says “those poor girls at number 3 just stare out all day” as much as they say “that boy at number 5 is at it again”

This!

He doesn't sound a very likeable child but no harm done here. I'd just avoid and ignore as much as possible.

Christ, some people are so awful to and about children. His parents are under no obligation to show you exactly how they might deal with the situation. You saw her talk to him and tell him not to do it again. Great. There may be more discussion when you aren't around. I really can't understand why you escalated things the way you did. Or why you think he needed a harsh punishment.

He was cheeky and ballsy! Your reaction was was over the top though. If a 9 year old called to my door in that manner I'd probably be bemused and would speak to him and tell him my DC can look out the window if they want and shoo him on his way but I wouldn't go off on one and tell his mum!

Obviously your feelings on this boy were off to begin with considering his past behaviour so I imagine that's why your over reacted in this instance. He's clearly not being supervised/disciplined properly but that's on his parents and there's nothing you can do about it. I don't know why you'd even offer to take him to the park - that is not a child I'd want to be responsible for supervising so I would just steer clear.

BUT he is just a child and calling any child a "nasty little shit" as a pp did is vile.

For that incident fine.

For the other stuff if needs sorting.

Sometimes parents have very difficult children and feel unable to deal with it - especially if it then escalates.

If he's laying in road I'd be honking horn. Long and hard. Same when he jumps out - in fact I'd be getting a dash cam to protect myself in case something happened.

It's much harder for 1 child to dominate a neighbourhood if everyone becomes equally frustrated together.

We had a similar child on our street - the horn going off because he was blocking the road whilst sat on his bike had such a big impact on everybody that more people stopped tolerating it and more people complained to the family.

Eventually one night he damaged about 10 cars in the street and the family eventually had to move. (Not a bad thing but I also feel sad for the family as you do also worry for them)

There's a lot of talk of 'punishment' on this thread, which is unnecessary.

The facts are he knocked on your door and asked something.

How does that warrant 'punishment'?

The other issues are different, throwing stones is clearly not ok, but you don't really know what's going on or what is being done behind the scenes.

I don't get offering to take him to the park. I can't imagine he'd want to play with a 3 and 4 year old he doesn't know well.

@FuckwitMcGee

He sounds like a little shit. I'd have drop kicked him.

I think threats of violence are even more concerning than the casualty dismissing a child with ‘little shit’ that a couple of you have done. I think you need to reflect on this? I’m assuming you wouldn’t really have kicked a kid but why say it?

Anyhoo, I’m not sure I get the major upset over this - it’s just a kid overstepping the mark, he’s been told that it’s not ok, feels proportionate to me as well. Agree the car behaviour needs addressed more.

Did you want her to invite you in, sit you down and let you witness her ‘punishing’ him? Perhaps she did have words with him later - when you weren’t around. Busybody.

It’s damn all to do with you how other people deal with their own children. Just because you (& I) would’ve handled it differently doesn’t mean she’s wrong for her family.
Ignore the wee boy and carry on with your life, your “babies” won’t always be little girls.