AIBU to think it wasn't harsh enough?

[Morgzmum]

A few days ago, 1 of the neighbours children, who was playing on the communal area/road(!) came and knocked on my door and asked if I could stop my daughters from looking at them (he was with another neighbours child) while they were playing! My daughters are 3 and 4 and during lockdown their favourite hobby is looking out of the living room window for delivery vans who they've name (Mia the DPDP van).

I wouldn't have been as annoyed if he asked politely but this little 9 year old banged on my door like a bailiff and stood on my doorstep with the biggest pigeon chest I've even seen.

I asked him if his mum knew that he was knocking on people's doors telling their children when and where they can look outside, he told me to shut up and stormed off towards the other neighbours child who was telling me that they told him not to do anything as they're (my daughters) are only babies. I went round to his house to inform his mum what he had done, she shouted him over and said "please don't do that again, you know what happened last time" then sent him off to play again!

I don't know what happened last time but this child will jump out in front of cars while they are going down our road, refuse to move from SITTING AND LAYING in the middle of our road and throw pebbles (from his own driveway) at parked cars, so I'm guessing it isn't good.

AIBU to think that he wasn't even punished?
As far as I'm aware he hasn't been punished for any of the other idiotic things he's done and his mum will quite happily let him hang out of the window at his waist while she's driving.

Do I still have a right to be pissed off with how she handled it? My children wouldn't dream of doing anything that child does including my 3 year old.

He's a child. He's not a shit or a bastard however some people here are revealing themselves to be exactly that.

I would want to know if one of my DDs (11 and 8) had been rude to a neighbour like that. I would have told them off sternly and made them apologise to the said neighbour. Because I wouldn't want them to grow up rude and obnoxious.

The rest of this boy's behaviour is very worrying too, and sounds like neglect.

I would expect him to be given a good telling off and/or grounding.

It doesn't matter what you expect though, the parents aren't obliged to parent to your standards and aren't obliged to tell you how they plan to deal with it or deal with it in front of you.

He sounds a right little upstart. Why on earth are you volunteering to take him to the park?!

It doesn't matter what you expect though, the parents aren't obliged to parent to your standards and aren't obliged to tell you how they plan to deal with it or deal with it in front of you.

I realise that. My main point was that I don’t think OP should have gone charging round to the parents house in the first place for such a minor offence. And I have no idea why my post was deleted

You see, you think you girls looking out the window is charming,inquisitive
To neighbours they probably look like the kooky kids down the road who stare out the window

Btw the 'let kids be kids' people, he told an adult to shut up. That's not them just being kids or cute or funny. My kids aren't angels but it would never occur to them to talk back to an adult. A lot of people seem to mix up being pushy and rude with having character

Wait another year then he can be arrested for obstruction of a highway or criminal damage by throwing stones. Might give him the shock he needs...

I'd say everything combined, parents coming down to give a hand, his, ongoing behaviour, her not letting him go to the park with another family and wanting him close by, that it does add up to possible additional needs.

My eldest has ADHD and as a child had no impulse control. We decided for ritalin at 13. I was heavily judged for her behaviour and heavily judged for still having my youngest (moderate LD's, delayed development) in a pram at nearly 4 etc. Old neighbours that I bump into seem to think because both now have good jobs, it was my parenting. But it was actually the opposite. I worked with them to get them to were they are.

Children with additional needs have really struggled during lock down. Therapies, routines, reviews etc have stopped.

The point is OP that you don't know enough about this family to judge if she handled it appropriately.

@SentientAndCognisant

@DontGoIntoTheLongGrass, you think 9 year olds, get full on arrested? Or children can be shocked out of having additional needs, which could be the case?

@SentientAndCognisant

You see, you think you girls looking out the window is charming,inquisitive To neighbours they probably look like the kooky kids down the road who stare out the window

What does it bloody matter what it looks like? . I doubt op thinks her kids looking out of the window is remotely charming, they just like looking out of the window 🤷🏻‍♀️

Op hasn't mentioned additional needs. Age of criminal responsibility is 10 in UK. He could have additional needs where his parents should be keeping a better eye on him rather than allowing him to get run over. Or he could be just a little arrogant shit.

What does it matter?well everyone has their own perspective
So the Op,her daughters are frequently looking out window, harmless hobby

Another way of looking at it...there’s those two girls staring again.always staring out the window

Internal bias means our narrative presents what we (our kids) do positively and are less positive to others

He was rude and got told not to be which is his mum’s decision. The other stuff he gets up to though- no way would I allow my kids to play out front if they but this child will jump out in front of cars while they are going down our road, refuse to move from SITTING AND LAYING in the middle of our road and throw pebbles (from his own driveway) at parked cars

I would find this entitled little... scamp banging on my front door expecting to have a say about what my kids do in their own home pretty funny mind you and would have struggled to not laugh in his dear little face.

I wouldn’t have laughed out loud at the kid though- just want to stress that. My own child has additional needs and struggles socially and laughing at him is the very worst thing you could do. I do laugh internally at some of the mad stuff he comes out with.

@DontGoIntoTheLongGrass

Op hasn't mentioned additional needs. Age of criminal responsibility is 10 in UK. He could have additional needs where his parents should be keeping a better eye on him rather than allowing him to get run over. Or he could be just a little arrogant shit.

How on earth would she know if he had additional needs? Are we supposed to have our children wear a badge? Or go around telling all the neighbours.

My daughter has ASD but I get fed up of every time bad behaviour is mentioned the "maybe he has special needs" excuse comes out.
Perhaps he does but in that case (as, it sounds like at least 3 adults live with him) surely someone should be watching him?
The behaviour today doesn't scream of special needs but his other behaviour, I'm not sure.
Rather than special needs it sounds like attention seeking in some cases and just plain bad behaviour in others.
Not all children with special needs behave like this.