To be made to feel like I'm being too paranoid during a pandemic?

[Dee96]

Really starting to feel like being cautious has now turned into people seeing me as being overly paranoid since everyone seems to become alot more relaxed with safety measures. I'm entering third trimester and starting to find it hard to breath/getting breathless. I have asthma which isnt really present, and heart palpitations. I've had countless words with my dp about how we really now more than ever need to be careful and not let our guard down. I'm very aware that me and baby are at risk and I dont want to get sick ontop of being pregnant if I can help it. A couple of weeks ago we were both invited to a meet up that we ended up not being able to go to since what started of as a little garden event became a party and double the amount of people came. My dp was clearly very upset by this as it was all his friends, that we havent seen in a long time and he craves the normality as do I. I felt bad for being the one to put my foot down, but at the same time annoyed that I was left to make the responsible decision that he didnt want to do. Now his friends have invited him out again, which is fine it will only be 4 of them in a small annex, the catch now is that hes been invited to sleep over and I'm worried with all 4 of them sleeping in such a tiny confided place. Again I dont want to be put in a position to have to be the one to say no, but I'm so worried as I know for a fact the friends he will be seeing havent taken any precautions and have been partying/ seeing other people without a care. We are only in our early twenties so I dont blame others our age for not having the same mentality as we do but we have a baby to think about and I dont want to risk anything. Would a sleepover be okay, am I being unreasonable and over the top? I barely go out myself, practically shielding. I go to the supermarket and to see my mum. That's about it. But it's a controlled environment and only two households mixing not loads.

I can understand your anxiety up to a point. You’re right that people have largely let their guard down and you do give up control when you socialise with other people who have not been taking the same precautions. If you’re still being very strict you have to take this into your own hands.

On the other hand you’re not in an especially high risk group and virus levels in most parts of the UK are fairly low. Your DH - who presumably has been in this holding pattern for months on end - must be climbing the walls by now and I can see his point of view. He must feel pretty trapped and claustrophobic having these things vetoed all the time when the risk is pretty minimal. In the nicest way and for understandable reasons you are being a bit paranoid.

I think if you want to be this strict about it until after the baby is born you might have to consider asking him to move out to allow you to isolate and maybe ask him not to go out for the last couple of weeks of your pregnancy.

It’s understandable that you are anxious but given the level of comfort he and his friends have got to I don’t think you can unilaterally impose this on him indefinitely.

With all the "everyone is ignoring SD now" reports that we have heard constantly since, er, April, the pandemic must be nearly all done now. I mean, everyone should have had c19 by now since "everyone" is now (now = choose any date since May) ignoring virus controls.

Good news, don't you think?

@lljkk I have a family member that works in the nhs and still cares for people suffering and passing away from this. It's not that its disappeared but more so that it's been kept under wraps so people arent being put off going out and keeping the economy going. There is a reason why they arent announcing the death rate now

@thepeopleversuswork perhaps if he was being locked in like me then I'd understand if he felt trapped. But hes not he is still going to see his friends tonight I just think sleeping over in a small confided area with numerous people isnt necessary when we live so close. If anyone is climbing the walls it's me, my friends havent bothered with me since I'm pregnant and I haven't been able to get a job.

that it's been kept under wraps so people arent being put off going out and keeping the economy going

This conspiracy theory stuff is the definition of paranoid.

You need to address your paranoia and stop it infringing on those around you. Rather than seeking to justify it with nonsense like that.

There is a reason why they arent announcing the death rate now

coronavirus.data.gov.uk/deaths

I don't believe that the ONS figures are incorrect. The published Covid ones maybe, but the ONS are far more reliable and show no excess deaths at the moment at all.

There is a reason why they arent announcing the death rate now

Deaths are still announced every day, as are hospitalisations and positive cases, the major media sites all report on this too. There is no conspiracy to keep the virus hidden.

You appear to be very focussed on the extremely low risk of covid, and ignoring other risks - your partners need to maintain relationships with their friends - your own risk due to the lost friends and the fact you're climbing the walls. Are you managing to keep fit and active whilst locked in? There are many more risks than covid, you need to manage them all.

The last report at my hospital said we had 2 patients with the virus (and we're a huge, inner city Trust). There is no downplay of figures.
You and your boyfriend have a different attitude to risk here, neither are in the wrong. You just have to work together to come to a compromise. Personally I would be fine with his suggestion to stay over, but that isn't really important

I know the risk is lower than usual right now. But I think if people let their guard down now with it that's when a surge in cases is most likely to increase. It hasnt gone completely and a risk is still a risk. I'm not locking myself away I'm just trying to be sensible. I still go for walks when the weather sees fit and make time for family but in a controlled manner as I have other vulnerable family members. I'm assuming my friends arent bothering with me because they know they would have to be careful around me and I cant go to parties right now. I dont think it's a big ask to not go to a sleepover but still go out and see friends

Thing is during pregnancy you already feel so vulnerable. And as others have pointed out with lack of antenatal care at the moment if just taking precautions gives me abit of piece of mind for me and my baby why shouldn't I be doing that. I do feel bad and if dp wants to do what he wants to do then yes living separate would be best but I have no where to go and cant just move out.

You do what you need to do for you x

Deaths from normal flu are 3 times higher than covid at the moment.

I am with you @Dee96. We still don’t know what effect corona virus has on developing babies.

We do know that a not insignificant proportion of positive cases have a life life changing impact. We know that pregnant women have a lower immune system. We also know the NHS advises pregnant women to be cautious, especially in the third trimester.

The chances of catching it at the moment are very low (depending on where you live) but the long term impact could be horrendous. Therefore the risk is high and IMO are not worth it.

A compromise might be that DP meets with his friends for an outside meal. A sleepover seems ridiculous and I believe against current advice for non-pregnant families.

Doesn't seem hard to find recent death count in UK. What part of that chart is under wraps?

You can’t control others, if he wants to stay out why can’t he?

I think your a little too paranoid...but your pregnant and emotions go everywhere at that point. Whilst I completely understand where your coming from and what you feel, it’s not rational.

Are you worried that whilst he is out with his mates getting drunk there could be a accidental fire in the house and end his life? There are always lots of risks, but you can’t ever do nothing because of them

I don’t think you’re being irrational at all OP! The risk is still there, for both you and the baby.

I dont think people seem to get that HE IS going out see his friends. I'm not trying to control anyone but I'm also trying to protect myself and my unborn child from possibly getting something that I feel like isnt worth the risk. All that I did not understand is why he needed to further that risk by staying the night when we leave 15 mins away. If it was necessary than I'd get his point more. I dont see why these measures and safety precautions get to be one thing for one person and one thing for another.

If he is already seeing them then the sleepover part is irrelevant. If they have the virus he would already be exposed regardless of whether or not he sleeps in the same room. You can't put your life on hold forever now because of a virus that is actually an extremely low risk at present.

I agree with you OP. You're in a no win situation.

[quote Dee96]@lljkk I have a family member that works in the nhs and still cares for people suffering and passing away from this. It's not that its disappeared but more so that it's been kept under wraps so people arent being put off going out and keeping the economy going. There is a reason why they arent announcing the death rate now[/quote]
Sorry but this is utter rubbish

I am also pregnant so feel I'm in a fairly comfortable position to be able to say whether or not I think YABU. And it's not so much that I think you're unreasonable, it's more that I think you're unnecessarily paranoid. The conspiracy theory stuff is absolutely ludicrous. The govt are not "keeping it under wraps" and I feel like you're using your pregnancy as an excuse to cover for your anxiety over a threat that is proven to be barely even a threat anymore. I feel sorry for your DP as you are pregnant so he does need to respect your wishes in terms of keeping yourself away from others, but the fact that you're still shielding, for absolutely no reason, is bizarre.

The sleepover part is completely and utterly irrelevant if he's already seeing his friends in a confined space. You can't control him by saying "you can see your friends but only for an hour" - what's the difference? If he's going to catch it, he'll catch it regardless of how long he's there. (Ps - he won't catch it)

I am not remotely worried about coronavirus. But I remember when pregnant I worried about everything which is relatively normal I believe. Do what you need to do to get your baby here

Will he be seeing his friends inside the house, without distancing? If so then allowing that but now allowing the sleepover is rather pointless, he'll catch it anyway from breathing the same air.

However, I don't think you're being unreasonable or overly paranoid. Yes, figures are low, but it's evident from the recent outbreaks how easily it can come back. Being in indoor spaces, not distancing and without masks with people who aren't taking precautions is really stupid, and he is putting you at risk by doing it. I don't think we're being lied to about death and infection rates, I keep an eye on enough different sources to know they correlate. But that reflects the fact that the virus is now transmitting around young people who don't tend to get very sick from it.

*not allowing the sleepover