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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be made to feel like I'm being too paranoid during a pandemic?

97 replies

Dee96 · 21/08/2020 15:54

Really starting to feel like being cautious has now turned into people seeing me as being overly paranoid since everyone seems to become alot more relaxed with safety measures. I'm entering third trimester and starting to find it hard to breath/getting breathless. I have asthma which isnt really present, and heart palpitations. I've had countless words with my dp about how we really now more than ever need to be careful and not let our guard down. I'm very aware that me and baby are at risk and I dont want to get sick ontop of being pregnant if I can help it. A couple of weeks ago we were both invited to a meet up that we ended up not being able to go to since what started of as a little garden event became a party and double the amount of people came. My dp was clearly very upset by this as it was all his friends, that we havent seen in a long time and he craves the normality as do I. I felt bad for being the one to put my foot down, but at the same time annoyed that I was left to make the responsible decision that he didnt want to do. Now his friends have invited him out again, which is fine it will only be 4 of them in a small annex, the catch now is that hes been invited to sleep over and I'm worried with all 4 of them sleeping in such a tiny confided place. Again I dont want to be put in a position to have to be the one to say no, but I'm so worried as I know for a fact the friends he will be seeing havent taken any precautions and have been partying/ seeing other people without a care. We are only in our early twenties so I dont blame others our age for not having the same mentality as we do but we have a baby to think about and I dont want to risk anything. Would a sleepover be okay, am I being unreasonable and over the top? I barely go out myself, practically shielding. I go to the supermarket and to see my mum. That's about it. But it's a controlled environment and only two households mixing not loads.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 22/08/2020 10:16

I agree that death rates are not being published as they were months ago.

You can of course go looking for the info...but it's not being reported as it used to be. You couldn't get away from hearing it before.

I'm not saying there's a conspiracy theory...but the way in which it is now being reported in the media is so that people are not so scared to get back to some sort of normality and the economy is a big part of that.

FluffyKittensinabasket · 22/08/2020 10:18

I can guarantee if I started a thread explaining I pregnant and asthmatic and too scared to go back to work I would be told to stop being so lazy, go back to work, a million people would kill to have my job etc.

That’s the Mumsnet way, huge contradictions. Go to work but can’t possibly socialise!

As it happens, I told work early on that I’m pregnant so their risk assessment advised me to continue WFH. Not that I’m too worried about C19 but it suits me better to work from home, no commute with my laptop bag, I can have a lie in, vomit in my own loo etc.

doityourselfnow · 22/08/2020 10:26

You can of course go looking for the info...but it's not being reported as it used to be. You couldn't get away from hearing it before.

This website shows everything everyday, all
In one place. Deaths were 2 yesterday.

www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/uk/

It's hardly "go looking for it", it's a two second google search!

EleanorOalike · 22/08/2020 10:27

*Do you have evidence of this? If so, I think you have a moral duty to raise this with the CQC and the media. Care homes support some of most vulnerable citizens and if that is happening it's barbaric.

I couldn't understand why you were shielding but if this is the information that has been made available to you, I get it.*

It’s been raised with CQC, the NHS Trust, The Council, GP services...everyone.

I’m Shielding because I have a heart condition and an autoimmune condition. I’m in Isolation because I was contact traced as a direct result of this outbreak. One of my family members who I live with whilst shielding gave direct medical care to one of the Covid positive individual but was told they’d tested Covid negative the day before.
This was untrue and they had close contact for 5 consecutive days with the individual unable to wear a mask and asymptomatic. There were already other Covid positive cases on the ward by that time that my relative (a visiting healthcare professional) was not made aware of and staff have since tested positive.

Relatives working for the Trust have been warned not to go to the media. Aunt and Uncle have been advised by their CQC Inspector that they shouldn’t go to the media as their care home would be identifiable and it would cause distress to those with relatives at the care home. Obviously visiting has been banned again so they had to notify relatives of what had happened anyway!

It is being really thoroughly investigated and so far there are no deaths and we are hoping it stays that way. I agree it’s barbaric.

Stripesgalore · 22/08/2020 10:29

Nobody has said you can’t socialise Kittens.

Everysinglebloodytime · 22/08/2020 10:30

I'm so sorry about that.

This is one occasion where I hope the daily mail or the like are reading this thread.

doityourselfnow · 22/08/2020 10:33

Relatives working for the trust told not to go to the media? How was this threat announced? Email? Staff meeting? The trust director going round and telling people personally? You're telling me with a trust that no one has the balls to go and tell the truth to the media..... not one?

I thought the "cover up" days were gone after the hillsborough debacle!

Again I'll repeat in my sons trust the last CV ward had been closed, they have one patient in an isolation room and that's the truth and not a cover up.

doityourselfnow · 22/08/2020 10:34

Yes let's hope the DM get hold of this and investigate the lying trusts?

TorgosPizza · 22/08/2020 10:35

I agree that if he's meeting these friends at close quarters, sleeping over may not make much difference, but on the other hand, sleeping over when he's 15 minutes from home seems odd to me.

You can tell him how you feel, but he's probably too happy to get away from the house (and the rules) to be swayed from staying the night.

maddening · 22/08/2020 10:36

What is the risk of the individuals, that would be what would swing it for me, 4 friends who all work from home or places with good social distancing with young dc who are not mingling for example would be less risky than someone working in a supermarket, travelling on public transport with a teenage dc who is out with their friends every day.

Stripesgalore · 22/08/2020 10:40

OP has said the friends all go out partying. They are in their twenties.

EleanorOalike · 22/08/2020 10:41

@doityourselfnow I don’t work there but I gather it’s been by management at hand overs etc. My family member that I live with was told on the phone, in my presence by the Infection Control Lead.

The official line is that “pending investigation”.

I’m surprised it’s been kept off Facebook to be honest.

This is a trust which has had extremely serious investigations over the past two years and is regularly in the local and national newspapers. It’s usually not until it’s a police matter that it comes to light though.

I’ve no doubt it will come out in the press as one care home at least has been advised to take the Trust to court.

SchrodingersUnicorn · 22/08/2020 10:41

I don't understand why people are telling OP she's unreasonable to want DP to follow the rules? She's not actually asking for him to shield or anything! Just because she seems anxious doesn't mean she's wrong.
To remind everyone: you can meet people from one other household inside socially, maintaining social distance, or from 6 households outside, also social distancing. You cant have a sleepover inside with people from 4 households!
OP, it sounds like people are breaking the rules all over the place, but no one is unreasonable to want to keep them, and certainly not when they are clinically vulnerable as you are as a pregnant asthmatic. Could you talk to your midwife and see if she could have a chat with DP?

KingFredsTache · 22/08/2020 10:43

I have a family member that works in the nhs and still cares for people suffering and passing away from this. It's not that its disappeared but more so that it's been kept under wraps so people arent being put off going out and keeping the economy going.
There is a reason why they arent announcing the death rate now

Sorry, are you saying that there are still loads of deaths a day from Covid and the government is keeping it under wraps to get the economy going again?! Seriously?

As a PP said, people have been 'becoming lax' for months now - Easter, VE Day, BLM protests, the arseholes going for a day on the beach, parents who don't even care if their children DIE sending them to school, etc etc etc....

SchnitzelVon · 22/08/2020 10:50

You do what you need to do.

And FFS stop being so flaming nasty some of you, I despair.

Stripesgalore · 22/08/2020 10:53

This thread has been very nasty. The OP is young and heavily pregnant. People have interpreted anything she’s written in the worst possible way.

BananaPop2020 · 22/08/2020 11:32

@Stripesgalore I think the problem is she has made some fairly outlandish statements and allegations.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 22/08/2020 11:57

I’m also amazed people think death rates are being covered up. I’m all for cynicism but really?!

chilling19 · 22/08/2020 13:35

OP - you are not being unreasonable. Keep yourself and you baby safe x

nasiisthebest · 22/08/2020 14:39

I'm high risk for covid on three counts and pregnant and still people act as if I'm paranoid. Those same people would probably just shrug their shoulders if I did die and call it one of those things. There is no way I'm meeting up. We're ordering everything online, groceries are click and collect. We see MIL outside in the garden every few weeks because DH needs to help her by explaining stuff (she doesn't understand official letters and such). I can only decide for myself, my friends and family will just have to accept it if they like it or not (some vocally don't). I'm not risking my life for a catch up in the flesh.

PlinkPlink · 22/08/2020 14:49

If you are in your third trimester, you most certainly are at a higher risk (unless RCOG has updated and changed that info in the last 2 months?)

I'm surprised that your partner thinks his socialising is more important than your baby.

Covid increases the risk of premature labour in pregnant mothers who are in their third trimester. Plus, there's the risk after birth of passing it on to baby, increasing the likelihood that you'll be separated for 2 weeks.

I know this because I was pregnant 8 weeks ago. I know the fear and anxiety. Your partner should also be recognising that risk and behaving appropriately.

You and your household members should be especially careful now.
Hope it all goes well for the birth.

wizzbangfizz · 22/08/2020 15:40

I think you are being overly cautious and probably need to relax. If he is socialising with them anyway sleeping isn't going to be much different is it?

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