To be made to feel like I'm being too paranoid during a pandemic?

[Dee96]

Really starting to feel like being cautious has now turned into people seeing me as being overly paranoid since everyone seems to become alot more relaxed with safety measures. I'm entering third trimester and starting to find it hard to breath/getting breathless. I have asthma which isnt really present, and heart palpitations. I've had countless words with my dp about how we really now more than ever need to be careful and not let our guard down. I'm very aware that me and baby are at risk and I dont want to get sick ontop of being pregnant if I can help it. A couple of weeks ago we were both invited to a meet up that we ended up not being able to go to since what started of as a little garden event became a party and double the amount of people came. My dp was clearly very upset by this as it was all his friends, that we havent seen in a long time and he craves the normality as do I. I felt bad for being the one to put my foot down, but at the same time annoyed that I was left to make the responsible decision that he didnt want to do. Now his friends have invited him out again, which is fine it will only be 4 of them in a small annex, the catch now is that hes been invited to sleep over and I'm worried with all 4 of them sleeping in such a tiny confided place. Again I dont want to be put in a position to have to be the one to say no, but I'm so worried as I know for a fact the friends he will be seeing havent taken any precautions and have been partying/ seeing other people without a care. We are only in our early twenties so I dont blame others our age for not having the same mentality as we do but we have a baby to think about and I dont want to risk anything. Would a sleepover be okay, am I being unreasonable and over the top? I barely go out myself, practically shielding. I go to the supermarket and to see my mum. That's about it. But it's a controlled environment and only two households mixing not loads.

Nobody should be holding the OP’s baby other than people who live with the baby plus support bubble because we are still social distancing.

@EleanorOalike

This is utter bollocks. I know this for a FACT because my parents own care homes and know a lot of care home owners and there would be uproar.

I wish people would stop spouting absolute bullshit to ‘support’ their insane conspiracy theories.

Do you usually suffer from anxiety and paranoia? Could you speak to a therapist or a GP before the baby is born? Coronavirus is currently only 8th in the top 10 causes of deaths in England. It’s not in the top 10 in Wales. I don’t understand why won’t be letting grandparents hold your baby?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-wales-53869311?__twitter_impression=true

If as a pregnant woman, I’m well enough to travel to work via public transport to an office, why would I not meet up with friends and family? My whole life isn’t going to be sitting in an office then sitting at home on my own staring at the four walls. A pretty miserable existence.

@TeddyIsaHe it’s not bollocks. Why am I in isolation then? Just because it’s not happening in your hometown and your parents care home doesn’t mean it’s not happening in the hospital my parents and siblings work at and the care home my Aunt and Uncle own! CQC, Social Services and PHE are in daily meetings about this at the moment. And it’s completely being covered up. For now. Just because it’s not happened to you doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened to over two fucking dozen of us, that I know of personally, right now.

And there is uproar locally!

I didn’t think you were being paranoid or excessive particularly until I read this part: It's not that its disappeared but more so that it's been kept under wraps so people arent being put off going out and keeping the economy going.

This is a crock of shit and if it’s indicative of your mental state then I would absolutely advise seeking some help before the baby is born.

Kitten, you can meet up with friends and family.

@lljkk I have a family member that works in the nhs and still cares for people suffering and passing away from this. It's not that its disappeared but more so that it's been kept under wraps so people arent being put off going out and keeping the economy going. There is a reason why they arent announcing the death rate now

My son also works in the NHS and this is not the case in his trust.

They are announcing death rates, what makes you say they're not?

I wish people would stop spouting absolute bullshit to ‘support’ their insane conspiracy theories.

And I wish people would stop spouting absolute bullshit to "support" their insane it's all a cover up theories!

@chickenyhead

You do what you need to do for you x

And presumably her DP can do what he needs to do for him?

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

Yes.

And IF that means the OP wants to live separately then if that's agreed fair enough.

OP, you asked if you were being unreasonable- you are.

Stripesgalore - yes, I am seeing family and friends. In some areas you are still banned from that.

But funnily enough it’s okay to go to work in an office and go out to eat with strangers all around.

I wouldn’t be happy with a sleepover as it goes against the rules and babies can’t be held by others due to the 2m guidance.

Hi Op, i think you may be becoming a little over anxious. Your first post mentions heart palpitations and that could be anxiety. You are right to be sensible but i think you may now be being a little over preoccupied with this. In terms of no one holding your baby in the first 8 weeks that is completely unachievable. Delivery staff will handle your baby, midwives and health visitors will all also hold your baby in the early days doing all the appropriate weights and checks. You will be at clinics having baby weighed etc. If your DP has a few weeks paternity leave and then returns to work that will leave you with 6 further weeks holding the baby alone ,while needing to do all the other thighs you need to do. Your workload will significantly increase with a new born. You will be glad of any extra help in the early weeks. The no touch rule for 8 weeks will put additional pressure on you and does sound a bit extreme. You are right to be sensible but keep it in perspective. I honestly feel and i say this with respect, you need to try to keep this in perspective so that you are in a more relaxed head space when baby arrives.

Kittens, most people are back at work. I work in retail and was at work during lockdown.

You can see family and friends. You just do so while following the social distancing guidelines, just as you have to follow guidelines at work.

Op I'm confused by these comments: I have asthma which isn't really present I'm struggling to breathe

What does that mean? Are you actually finding it difficult to breathe? What's causing that if not asthma? Do you just mean you're out of puff walking upstairs due to being large a bit unfit?

Also, you mention heart palpitations? Are they caused by a heart condition or due to emotional/psychological factors (stress, anxiety)?

I think this all points to health anxiety.

I agree with pps who warn that this paranoia and anxiety will heighten after baby is born. Be aware that you won't always be behaving rationally because of it.
You're young parents and having contact and support from family and or friends is going to be vital.

I hope you're still in contact with your friends? It's tough if they've dropped you just because you can't party anymore!

Does your partner work? How are you dealing with that?

TBH I think the fact that we are currently in the middle of a pandemic has led to anxieties being overlooked which previously would have been considered cause for concern.

It’s very easy for the OP to say that she’s not comfortable going out and people accept that because we’re in the middle of a pandemic. If we weren’t however, her saying things like she’d be unwilling to allow anyone to hold her newborn for the first eight weeks would almost certainly be flagged straight away and those close to her would perhaps be advising her to speak to her MW/HV/GP.

OP if you’re concerned about going out then you’re not wrong. People should be social distancing still anyway, and if memory serves sleepovers are not part of that deal. But you need to balance out whether what you’re feeling is genuine cautiousness over risk or whether it is anxiety which you feel is out of control and feel would have been present anyway even if COVID was not.

FWIW I think people concentrate to much on the death rate. There are actually worse things than dying of COVID, surviving it with serious long-term consequences. I am a flu survivor with a (number of) serious heart defects, a couple of cardiac arrests and surgery behind me and heading for the transplant list. And I’m one of the lucky ones.

Whether people want to talk of cover ups or not it’s a fact that the death rate is dropping, and that could be for a number of reasons - it could be because treatment has improved or it could be because the virus is mutating into a weaker strain, as yet we don’t know.

But the virus is still out there, and if people are in a position to be cautious then they should be.

I was told last week by my consultants that I still need to stay home where possible, no public transport, no going to work in an office, when i asked if I could go to lunch on my way home that day she very hesitatingly agreed but it was clear she wasn’t sure it was a good idea.

But I’m at serious risk of complications if I catch COVID.

But those around me aren’t in the same risk categories so I will look after myself and what other people do is up to them, they’re the ones going to become infected if there are spikes, while I’m staying home...

Baby clinics are suspended in most places due to the pandemic.

You do sound over-anxious and very cautious, however I fail to see why a grown man needs a 'sleepover' if his home is nearby.

If the OP has mentioned she was too anxious to go back to work though, how many comments would be telling her it was perfectly safe?

And yes I wont be allowing anyone to hold my first born when she arrives, but you shouldn't really anyways until they have their vaccinations as babies dont have any immunity!

You’re being made to feel excessively paranoid because you are being excessively paranoid. You’re also embarrassingly misinformed.

Babies are not born with zero immunity. Where did you get this rubbish about no one being ‘supposed’ to hold the baby until they’re vaccinated?! Is this a wind up or do you genuinely believe this?

@EleanorOalike

The statistics really aren’t correct, certainly not in my hometown. According to our local newspaper, there are no Covid cases in our hospitals and there have been no new cases in the past week. Yet I’ve got immediate family members who work in the hospital and another that works in a care home. One of the hospitals has a large outbreak at the moment that is being covered up. The ward the outbreak was on (previously Covid Free ward) was intentionally discharging Covid positive patients into care homes and the community and telling care home owners and relatives that “they were swabbed for Covid and tested negative” when they had tested positive! When care homes refused to readmit they were dumping the Covid positive patients in ambulances or taxis and dropping them at the homes or at vulnerable relatives houses. This is not back in March. This is in the past ten days. Yet we are being told by ONS and our local NHS trust that there are no new Covid cases in the hospital and none in the community. It’s simply not true. And anyone that works in the hospital or in the community knows that! I personally know 25 people currently affected! ONS/Local News...zero cases?

And yet PHE Infection Control are currently supporting the homes and hospital wards with their outbreaks...so the government do know...

I’m in isolation because of this local outbreak. And I’m shielding. So I’m pretty pissed off about it and the fact it’s not being covered.

Do you have evidence of this? If so, I think you have a moral duty to raise this with the CQC and the media. Care homes support some of most vulnerable citizens and if that is happening it's barbaric.

I couldn't understand why you were shielding but if this is the information that has been made available to you, I get it.

[quote Dee96]@lljkk I have a family member that works in the nhs and still cares for people suffering and passing away from this. It's not that its disappeared but more so that it's been kept under wraps so people arent being put off going out and keeping the economy going. There is a reason why they arent announcing the death rate now[/quote]
What a ridiculous statement. We’re not bloody China.