Wise mums please help with dilemma

[Gabbss]

So my dilemma is this:

DD offered excellent courses at her own schools sixth form.

DD offered ok courses at another sixth form, which aren’t as good as other sixth form when it comes to what she wants to do at university.

Now the problem is, her own school is quite a toxic environment filled with people she doesn’t feel comfortable with. I’ve said to her that it may be that new people join to which she said she saw there were only one or two different faces at the sixth form meetings.

Second place is in a college setting, even though it’d still be a-levels.

DD would like a fresh start so would be willing to settle for not so good a-level options there. All because she would like a new environment.

I really wish she would go to schools sixth form and see it as focusing on her goals and not the social aspect she’s dreading.

What would you do?

I feel so supported even if your opinions disagree with mine, it really helps to see what eceryone thinks - heartwarming to be able to get other mums and peoples opinions.

I went to a separate sixth form college from the one most kids from my school went to, only 12 went to mine from my previous school but it was the making of me.

However is it possible for her to see how it goes in school sixth form and then swap? It may be a totally different atmosphere/set up in sixth form.

Running away from people who are not nice and sacrificing her best interests will give a dangerous precedent for future life choices

Really? I think it sets a great precedent not to stay around people you hate! Lots of workplaces are toxic and it's much better to get out than stay there!

I would say always do what you think you will like and enjoy - not what will impress institutions or employers.

If you carry on doing things just to look good on paper/to impress people it leads to a job which looks good on paper/impresses people but is actually boring and sucks the life out of you.

Thanks all. Valid points all round.

Does anyone have experience of the BTEC Extended Applied Science?

Seems like a good course and equivalent to 3 A-levels. Just looking it up now.

The BTEC is a nice course and they cover a good range of content. The main issue is that if she decides half-way through that she doesn't want to go on to study science she's a bit stuck! If science really interests her then it's definitely worth considering, more and more universities are recognising that BTEC courses can prepare students for jobs/university very effectively. Does the college have a careers advisor you could speak to? It would be worth asking what students from previous years have gone on to do afterwards.

Why doesnt she pick up biology, english lit and one other. Please dont force chemistry and physics on her. I wanted to do biology, history and art but was forced down path of 3 sciences as got straight A at gcse. I hated chemistry and physics and failed my first year in both. I may be a snob but I'd take a levels over btec

Look at the university admissions details for the kinds of courses she's interested in that would give her a steer in terms of a levels. Can she not change the a levels she's listed for at the college? It would seem sticking biology in there would probably line up, and as someone suggested maybe a stats gcse?

you have to consider what is right for your child. It sounds to me like college is the way to go - mine is GCSEs next year and we had a broad ranging discussion and although she is one of the brighter kids she works hard for it, has good focus and a mature approach to learning. I have no problem with her switching to college for 6th form equivalent (BTEC vocational study) she has had a rough time at school, at college I think she will find her groove as I did after a shit time at school as well.

Courses for biology all full at other local sixth forms but available further out so she’d have to travel by train each day further.

Looking into BTEC even some of the Russel league universities accept it. But like pp said if she decides instead for law would it be tricky.

DD has just said to me “I can always do a foundation year at Uni” if she doesn’t have relevant a-levels.

Gah this is all a last minute shambles but we’ll get there. Will update with what she decides!

Listen to what she wants, its her studies, if you put pressure on her to stay somewhere she can't wait to get away from, she may end up dropping out.

Or look further afield and help make it happen.

I don’t think local sixth forms counted on everyone getting in! (Teacher grades)

Move college and go for the fresh start.

Be guided by her.

I worked at a sixth form college. Two of my children attended (because I could drive them there and it made transport SO much easier (we are very rural)).

Youngest wanted to go to the college in the big city. We argued back and forth for a while, and in the end her argument made more sense than my simple 'but I can drive you!'. I ended up paying a fortune in bus fares, but she loved her time there and has ended up with a very good degree.

Sometimes the kids really do know best.

What does your DD want to do? At her age, I would be letting her decide unless she specifically asked you to help her choose.

I'd let her go to college

If she is capable of 3 academic A levels then she should do that - each stage is an exercise in keeping doors open. As others have said Photography will close some doors. BTEC Science will never be considered equivalent to a serious science A level subject at the better universities. Given this year’s shitshow the next 2 years of admissions are likely to be more competitive with more students deferring so it just doesn’t hair sense not to go fur the best qualifications she is capable of now to keep as many doors open as she can

Two years is a long time to be in a place you don’t want to be in for whatever reason, and social support is a massive issue at 16. A fresh start wherever she goes may really bring her out if her she’ll. my friends DD was bullied at school with a massive impact on her health, she went to college for her Highers and absolutely flourished - the setting suited her so much, the learning environment was better and socially she did well being away from the school environment.

Please dont force chemistry and physics on her She will need chemistry if she wants to study biology at many universities. She would generally need at least one science for psychology. Law can always be studied as a postgrad (although it is very competitive) so A level choices are less of a concern, as long as she gets a good degree.

@Gabbss the BTEC is a much better option than English Lit, Spanish and photography for her career interests. I think she may well regret going to college to take random A-levels that stop her following her interests because of her ex and that could have just as much of an impact on her mental health and success as going to a school where she isn't happy. It is worth checking that the universities she is interested in will accept the BTEC for the courses she wants to do.

Is there anywhere nearby that offers the IB? Your DD sounds like a bit of an all rounder and ideally suited to the IB and it would keep her options option. The IB consists of 6 subject groups, students pick one course from each, 3 at standard level, 3 at higher level: English literature (or literature in another language), a language (other than your mother tongue), Maths (there are different levels so it doesn't matter if she is not a mathematician), a humanity, a science, and then students can pick another subject from one of those groups or an arts subject. There is also a an extended essay, theory of knowledge course, and CAS (creativity, activity, service), which is not examined but students have to spend a minimum amount of time taking part in community, creative, sports projects etc. Different schools and colleges offer different subjects in those groups, e.g. they will all offer biology, chemistry and physics in the science group but some will also have psychology, computer science, design technology, sports science etc All UK universities accept the IB for all courses, including medicine and Oxbridge, although they may have specific subject requirements for some courses e.g. biology and chemistry for medicine (probably for many biology couses too)

@Gabbss I did law at a very old and respected RG, I went to sixth form college, I did 4 A levels, English Lit, History, German and Psychology (for interest rather than shutting elder and as it was my 4th it wasn't as important), I also did Spanish GCSE in a year as an extra credit. I was so ready to leave school by 16, I had plenty of friends, was in sports teams and was head girl but I felt I had outgrown it. College was a much more adult environment, if I didn't show up or I want working hard enough it was on me. I was a lot more prepared for uni than people who'd stayed at school sixth form and it broadened my experience of different people. I also got to do extra credit OCN courses in photography and journalism, things that I just wouldn't have had access to at school.
I would say if she wants law at a good university it's very very competitive and she will need at least three classic A levels, she needs to think about photography as an extra rather than one of 3.

She sounds very pragmatic, realising she could go foundation year.
Just have to support her to go with the decision that feels best to her now. Too many parameters to try to hedge bets against all, so will have to trust her gut on this one.

The thing is young people think they know what they want then change their minds later.

My son bombed his A levels at school and came out with a C in Geography. He went to college and did a Level 3 NVQ course in Public Services with a view to joining the Royal Navy.

He was accepted for the Navy but at the last minute decided it wasn't for him and decided to go to university.

He got all distinctions in his NVQ course and was accepted by Manchester to do psychology.

I’d support her first choice of collage. She’s the one who has to go there everyday and the relationships at the 6th form sound distracting at best.
Plus so many students change their university preferences in the years beforehand so the suitability of her choices now may not be as important as first seem.

Doesn’t help that she turned 16 only at the very end of August! I’m not sure she knows what to do but I’m still going with offering her guidance making her aware of each consequence but let her make the decision🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks so so much for those experiences, I may share them with her just to help her hear other experiences.

I agree that mental health is so much more important. She needs a fresh start and this an opportunity to make new friends and leave that toxic environment behind.

I changed my sixth form because I was bullied and teased at my high school. I developed confidence and do well for myself. If I had stayed there I think I would have become suicidal. I don’t quite mean this as harsh as it sounds, but what matters more to you? Good grades or her happiness? Remember these are formative years and what happens now in terms of mental health could well dictate her adult years. I would really recommend you let her make this choice.

I totally agree that you should want her to have the best opportunities in life however it’s quite possible that the best opportunity in this aspect would be to be in a place that she is comfortable