Wise mums please help with dilemma

[Gabbss]

So my dilemma is this:

DD offered excellent courses at her own schools sixth form.

DD offered ok courses at another sixth form, which aren’t as good as other sixth form when it comes to what she wants to do at university.

Now the problem is, her own school is quite a toxic environment filled with people she doesn’t feel comfortable with. I’ve said to her that it may be that new people join to which she said she saw there were only one or two different faces at the sixth form meetings.

Second place is in a college setting, even though it’d still be a-levels.

DD would like a fresh start so would be willing to settle for not so good a-level options there. All because she would like a new environment.

I really wish she would go to schools sixth form and see it as focusing on her goals and not the social aspect she’s dreading.

What would you do?

I made a bad study choice because of a boy, so foolish of me. I agree it is mainly to do with the ex it is a huge shame for her not to study what she had planned. Can you look at other 6th forms?

My experience was I went to a very bitchy all girls school and really didn't like it that much until right up to and after GCSE's but I stayed to do A Levels and things were totally different. Very few new faces but people were just totally different and it was really enjoyable time in my life. I felt happy and confident in the school and had plenty of friends. Even people who I previously had issues with were much more mature and accepting.
My stepson has gone to college and really seems to not have been ready for the level of freedom and lack of structure. School sixth forms are usually a gentler leap.
Obviously these are just my experiences. You really have to let her choose for herself.

Hiding this thread as I can tell I’m taking it way too personally, but please let your daughter move if she wants to.

To add a bit of balance, colleges are a very different environment to school sixth form. As all of the students are new, the teachers don’t know the students like they do at school and therefore don’t have the same expectations (Eg if you’re DD is high achieving this will take time for teachers to realise and set expectations accordingly). On top of this there is often a lot more freedom to come and go at college, whereas most sixth forms expect the student there all/most of the day. You need to make all new friendship groups and can often feel an outsider if there are already pre-formed groups in the classes. As a result, less motivated students can easily drop off the radar and not do very well or struggle with their mental health.

It’s important you DD goes some where she feels comfortable, but I don’t think it is as simple as assuming she will be happier at college - better the devil you know and all that. However, it should be her choice.

I've worked on schools and colleges. Sixth form at schools is always better than colleges in terms of support and pastoral care. I would honestly encourage her to stay on. It only for 2 years.

The a-levels she wanted to do aren’t available at the college, the ones she picked are nothing to do with what she wants to do long term- I think she picked them on a whim!

It is mainly to do with her ex and a few girls that she isn’t friends with. Some of her closest friends have left which makes her really nervous, although there are other nice girls.

I am really confused as I’d like her to do the relevant courses to her uni choice but I’m going to follow all of your advice on here and lay out the benefits and cons and then leave it up to her.

Thank you everyone each of your replies has been so helpful

I'm wondering what the A levels are, as I would have expected a college to offer all 'mainstream' A levels, and it is those that are generally needed for university entrance. e.g. You don't need psychology A level to do a psychology degree, but maths/ a science is often a pre-requisite.

Is there another school based 6th form instead?

I’d lay out all the pros and cons for each option and let her choose.

How big is the school 6th form? Friendship groups tend to change quite dramatically at 6th form, due to smaller classes, no setting, people leaving.

“It’s only two years”

Two years is a long time

I was in a very similar situ many years ago and I wish to god I had stuck with what I knew. Changing schools was great socially but I completely tanked academically. It was a much bigger year and I was used to a smaller environment - I just flew under the radar and scraped through. It wasn't good and I didn't anticipate how settling in would take so long. That said maybe it was just me. Two years isn't that long in the scheme of things and it may give her more options to fly away in the medium term.

The A-levels ay college would still be meaningful in terms of her results when going on to University. She picked them on a whim: photography, English lit and Spanish. (College)

I think I’ll leave it to her but I’ll still be encouraging her to do her science based a levels at school despite it not being a fresh start socially.

I don’t know many jobs that ‘require’ vocational degrees - the obvious ones like lawyer/ doctor etc./ vet - what job does she have in mind?

Stats are something like most accountants have geography degrees (I fall into this category), and my DDad worked in IT and liked people who had music degrees, as there were great transferable skills, apparently.

I heard on Radio 4 recently something where a cool lady was talking about options given the recent A-Level fiasco; she was asked what one thing would she say to children listening.... and it was to do something you loved because you would never give your all to something that you could only get partly enthusiastic about.

Does her uni choice reflect that or because she thinks it will help with a particular job, and are the A-Levels at college subjects that interest her? Would her chosen uni course definitely be barred from her if she chose the college A-Levels?

For another ‘real-life’ perspective, my best friend was bullied a bit at school but found in A-Level years things changed a bit/ people mellowed and she found more confidence.

I’m loving all of your opinions and experiences, it makes things much clearer for me. Really really appreciate your take on things and needed fresh input.

I disagree with lots of other posters and think they are using their own experiences rather than focussing on what you've actually said.
Personally if the other college doesn't offer the a levels she needs for university then it's not that it's a less attractive option -it shouldn't even be a viable option ! What is the point in studying three completely random subjects for two years and then being unable to get into the university course she wants??? You both need to work out immediately exactly what subjects she needs to do the course she wants not all these maybes. It's very easy to find out. Otherwise it's going to be too late to switch after the first week or two and she will be stuck in doing subjects she doesn't want in a place she won't know anybody.

Of course she might make friends in the new college - but she might not. I agree with a pp that colleges rarely have the same pastoral or educational support compared to schools.

When you originally described it as a toxic place I was expecting bullying, low attainment, drugs, etc. If it's actually just a few of her friends have left and she doesn't want to see her ex boyfriend that's not exactly the same. School relationships change so much in a few months she will barely remember who she went out with in year 10etc. I mean if there was an history of him assaulting or sexually exploiting her or whatever that might be different but if it's just they had a bad break up then she needs to get over it.

She would either like to do Law, Psychology, Biology at Uni/further studies

I've seen your update when you were typing...so she wanted to go for a science based course in uni but the college doesn't offer any science a levels? Really?
She will not be able to get into a science based degree with photography and Spanish a levels!

I was your daughter, didn’t want to go to 6th form due to culture there, went to local college instead and defo didn’t do as well as I could have, also hated college in the end too. Wish someone had talked some sense into me when I was 16 and had gone to 6th form!

It would really help to k ow what she wants to do at u I and what the 6th form Alevels are. As an MFL teacher I would say be careful with Spanish - what GCSE grade did she get?

I left the grammar school I was at to go to the local comprehensive to do my A levels because I needed a change and girls are toxic.
Best decision I made!
Two of my brothers were at the local comp the entire time and got top grades just for balance.
It’s about the pupil not the school in my experience.

Is there not another place she can do A Levels as it doesn't sound like either of these two really work for her?

@newyearnoeu

Yes they are quite random courses but she could still get on to some good universities, however like you id prefer she do as a pp commented, view the School sixth form courses as a job and stick at it.

The toxicity is mainly due to the ppl that would stay on are mainly ones she doesn’t like and she’s very sensitive and anxious. Which I tend to feel that this could be an apportunity for her to realise this is what a work place would be like realistically. However I do feel guilty about it too, it’s quite hard!

Biology is the definite anomaly there, everything else seems to fit together ok.
I think she needs to decide whether she is taking an arts, humanities or science route, but to be honest I think this is one of the first times she will have to make a grown-up decision, and your approach is good - set out the pros and cons, and then leave it to her.

Photography, English lit, Spanish A levels.
v
Law, Psychology or Biology at university.

Doesn't add up.

Biology would need biology and possibly maths/second science.
Psychology - wouldn't that need a science A level?
Might be OK for law.

It sounds to me like she has picked university courses out of thin air, or has at least not really thought about things.

Is there someone independent she could talk to? I worry she might be saying what she thinks you want to hear? Could that be a possibility?