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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that I could have been in danger and that my boss should have taken this more seriously?

110 replies

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 20/08/2020 20:00

This is probably going to be very long! This happened this afternoon and I’m quite shaken up and still trying to make sense of it all, so apologies if this appears jumbled.

Part of my job involves taking photos of houses before they go on the market. Today I was asked by my boss to go round to an address to do just that. I have recently resumed doing this part of my job, with PPE. Boss had spoken to the owner, who was expecting me. I went round, knocked on the door, which was opened by an older (ish) man. I introduced myself, the workplace I’m from, and why I’d come round. He appeared quite confused, and said he was expecting someone else from a different kind of company entirely. I could see into the house as we were standing in the porch, and I could see bare floorboards, a sleeping bag in the corner, and rubbish littered about. I was starting a feel a bit uneasy as his reaction was a combination of hostile and confused.

I apologised, said that perhaps there had been a mix up and that I would go back to the car (parked literally dead opposite the house) and call my boss to sort it out. At this point he said ‘no, no need for that’, reached behind me, and LOCKED the outer door, leaving me locked in the porch with him with the door to the house open behind him. I was quite scared to find myself locked in with him, and this obviously came across because he then said ‘it’s ok, I’m not going to hurt you.’

I called my boss, while the man paced up and down the living room. He was right there in the room, and had just locked me in, and was being hostile, so I didn’t feel that I could tell my boss that I didn’t feel comfortable. He spoke to my boss using my phone and eventually begrudgingly agreed that I could do what I came there to do. I whizzed round the downstairs as quickly as I could, taking the worst photos ever, thinking that compliance might put me in less danger and get me out quicker. He followed me round the house silently the whole time, and twice repeated that he wouldn’t hurt me.

I went to leave, praying that he’d unlock the door without a fuss, and he reminded me that I ‘forgot’ to take photos of upstairs. I told him that we already had some from the last time the property was sold, but he insisted and in my now very panicked state I thought it was better to avoid an argument. As we walked up the stairs with him right behind me, he suddenly said ‘I can see why you wouldn’t want to go up the stairs in a strange man’s house though.’ Upstairs I took a few more blurry photos, trying not to turn my back on him at all, he didn’t seem to notice that I wasn’t doing it properly. Upstairs, there was no bathroom suite, just a toilet and a long white marble effect worktop in the bathroom which added to the general bizarreness. I rushed back downstairs and did a fake cheery, ‘ok cheerio then, all done here, boss will email you soon’, all the time my heart was thumping like crazy. Thankfully, he then unlocked the door for me, and then stood and watched me drive off up the road.

I drove back to work and recounted what happened, I was really quite shaken up by it. I wasn’t hurt but it could have worked out so differently. The man clearly knew I was uncomfortable and didn’t stop or apologise. My boss thought it was funny!!! He literally laughed and said ‘yeah I could tell on the phone that you were freaked out.’ That was all that was said about.

AIBU to think that I could have been in danger here and that my boss should have reacted differently, and had a proper contingency plan in place. Apologies that this is so long!

OP posts:
CopperBeeches · 21/08/2020 01:51

I was an estate agent for several years and although never in a truly dangerous situation I was certainly made to feel uncomfortable on occasion. I would have done, and did do exactly what you did OP, Keep calm , play along whilst looking for way out. Awful for you - and for others who have ecperieced this.

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 21/08/2020 01:58

Your boss is an insensitive dickhead who doesn’t realise his own privilege. He should be taking care of his workers, not laughing at their discomfort.

alexdgr8 · 21/08/2020 02:45

boss sounds very immature, and laddish.
are there any other people working there, if so you need to inform them, and try to seek support, form alliance.
if boss has a boss also ask for meeting to discuss.
what about accident book, or do smaller firms not need them.
if there is an accident /incident book it must be recorded there.
you could also ring yr GP. then it will be documented as a work-related incident.

alexdgr8 · 21/08/2020 02:46

oh, and join a union.

KitchenDancefloor · 21/08/2020 07:34

OP you've had some very good advice and support already. The only thing I wanted to add was that you should put any response to your boss in writing rather than waiting to talk next time you see him.

It will help you get all your thoughts together and create an audit trail. He may also be less dismissive if he can see you articulate how at risk you were rather than laughing it off because he was uncomfortable Angry

I hope his reaction was awkwardness and not a genuine lack of care.

Livingtothefull · 21/08/2020 07:36

I am so sorry you had such a frightening and upsetting experience Op. Your boss's response was lamentable. Your employer has a duty of care towards lone workers to protect them and manage any health and safety risks: www.hse.gov.uk/lone-working/worker/index.htm

Do you have an HR department at work? If so you can approach them about your concerns which they could take seriously. If you are not happy with their response you can consider raising a formal grievance. You don't and shouldn't have to put up with this.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/08/2020 07:59

you could also ring yr GP. then it will be documented as a work-related incident**

GP here. That's bollocks.

Ring your GP if you need medical care as a result of this horrible incident, OP. But not to 'document' it - that is pointless. The people you should consider telling are the police.

gingerbiscuits · 21/08/2020 08:46

God, that sounds horrific - you must have felt so vulnerable. It's definitely not OK for your Boss to laugh it off. Has he never heard of the Suzy Lamplugh case? You should never have to be in a situation like that solo - there should be a 2 person option. I agree with the idea of 'codewords' too. Hope you're OK.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/08/2020 09:44

Unless you've been in exactly the same situation yourself, you simply cannot know what you would have done. I had counselling after I was mugged and the counselor told me they no longer train bank employees about what to do when there's a robbery. The reason is that most people freeze and are unable to put their training into practice, leading to tremendous feelings of guilt afterwards

Exactly - it pees me off when people say "I would have done X", "Yous should have done Y"

None of us know how we will react when we are in a truly life-threatening situation.

I posted about freezing with fear earlier. What I didn't say was that I have been in a situation where I thought I was horribly assaulted. I nearly mentioned i but didn't, but now I am.

I had always thought that if anything happened to me, I would scream and fight and kick and gouge, and by God, I would go down fighting! I didn't. I quite literally froze with terror. I could not move. My throat constricted so much that the only sound I could produce was a whimper. I was totally unable to defend myself against a much stronger and MUCH MORE VIOLENT MAN.

Because it isn't just the physical strength of the other person - it is the fact that you are aware, and have seen, that they have no compunction about beating, maiming or even killing you if they want to, and there is NOTHING that you can do.

Most of us (especially women) are socially conditioned NOT to hurt others - and even in a life-threatening situation, we can't always throw off that conditioning in a heartbeat. And even if we are among the lucky ones who can we don't know how to use our bodies to defend ourselves because we don't grow up in a culture of "scrapping in the schoolyard" for want of a better term.

NO-ONE should feel ashamed or embarrassed because they were afraid, or because of their fear-reaction. It is what it is. If we are lucky we survive to learn from it. Mostly what we learn is how to avoid being in that situation again - not how to react differently.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/08/2020 09:49

OP

You did what you could. You are still here.

You did the right thing.

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