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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that I could have been in danger and that my boss should have taken this more seriously?

110 replies

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 20/08/2020 20:00

This is probably going to be very long! This happened this afternoon and I’m quite shaken up and still trying to make sense of it all, so apologies if this appears jumbled.

Part of my job involves taking photos of houses before they go on the market. Today I was asked by my boss to go round to an address to do just that. I have recently resumed doing this part of my job, with PPE. Boss had spoken to the owner, who was expecting me. I went round, knocked on the door, which was opened by an older (ish) man. I introduced myself, the workplace I’m from, and why I’d come round. He appeared quite confused, and said he was expecting someone else from a different kind of company entirely. I could see into the house as we were standing in the porch, and I could see bare floorboards, a sleeping bag in the corner, and rubbish littered about. I was starting a feel a bit uneasy as his reaction was a combination of hostile and confused.

I apologised, said that perhaps there had been a mix up and that I would go back to the car (parked literally dead opposite the house) and call my boss to sort it out. At this point he said ‘no, no need for that’, reached behind me, and LOCKED the outer door, leaving me locked in the porch with him with the door to the house open behind him. I was quite scared to find myself locked in with him, and this obviously came across because he then said ‘it’s ok, I’m not going to hurt you.’

I called my boss, while the man paced up and down the living room. He was right there in the room, and had just locked me in, and was being hostile, so I didn’t feel that I could tell my boss that I didn’t feel comfortable. He spoke to my boss using my phone and eventually begrudgingly agreed that I could do what I came there to do. I whizzed round the downstairs as quickly as I could, taking the worst photos ever, thinking that compliance might put me in less danger and get me out quicker. He followed me round the house silently the whole time, and twice repeated that he wouldn’t hurt me.

I went to leave, praying that he’d unlock the door without a fuss, and he reminded me that I ‘forgot’ to take photos of upstairs. I told him that we already had some from the last time the property was sold, but he insisted and in my now very panicked state I thought it was better to avoid an argument. As we walked up the stairs with him right behind me, he suddenly said ‘I can see why you wouldn’t want to go up the stairs in a strange man’s house though.’ Upstairs I took a few more blurry photos, trying not to turn my back on him at all, he didn’t seem to notice that I wasn’t doing it properly. Upstairs, there was no bathroom suite, just a toilet and a long white marble effect worktop in the bathroom which added to the general bizarreness. I rushed back downstairs and did a fake cheery, ‘ok cheerio then, all done here, boss will email you soon’, all the time my heart was thumping like crazy. Thankfully, he then unlocked the door for me, and then stood and watched me drive off up the road.

I drove back to work and recounted what happened, I was really quite shaken up by it. I wasn’t hurt but it could have worked out so differently. The man clearly knew I was uncomfortable and didn’t stop or apologise. My boss thought it was funny!!! He literally laughed and said ‘yeah I could tell on the phone that you were freaked out.’ That was all that was said about.

AIBU to think that I could have been in danger here and that my boss should have reacted differently, and had a proper contingency plan in place. Apologies that this is so long!

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 20/08/2020 23:00

Christ OP is have been in tears as soon as I left the house! How terrifying. I would refuse to do that part of your job alone again. I’m so sorry your boss isn’t taking this seriously.

Souledout · 20/08/2020 23:05

I hope it never ever happens again.

If it does, the minute you feel unease, or they lock the door, try and say "I left my room measurer in the car, could you open the door please"

Then go, just drive.

(Im thinking the laser measure they use, as most people won't have one in their house. They don't have to know you don't really need one!)

I have also parked along the road, and said "My colleage is waiting in the car, I won't be long doing this"

There is a way you can press the side of your phone discreetly 3 times, I think & alerts nominated contacts to get help for you/ring you & gives them your location.

Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 20/08/2020 23:05

Your boss is a twat. Probably thinks it's fine because "nothing happened". Very shortsighted.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP. Men have no idea what it's like to be in a vulnerable position as a woman. Isn't there a saying like "Men are worried women will laugh at them, women are worried men will kill them". Very apt.

BluFox · 20/08/2020 23:06

Ignore the criticism, I hope you’re ok. You did exactly the right thing and got out of there safely, well done.
I think the advice you’ve had on here is great but I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I’m getting ready to send people out to visit clients again on house visits and it’s given me some good ideas about how to protect them.

FortunesFave · 20/08/2020 23:09

I am a little confused as to why you didn't immediately unlock the door yourself when he locked it?

That's what I would have done. If he did it with a key, I'd have said "Unlock that door now...I have the police on fast dial"

Why didn't you leave immediately?

Didkdt · 20/08/2020 23:09

Your employer has a safeguarding responsibility and your manager failed. I think you need to ask what the safeguarding policy is

LinoVentura · 20/08/2020 23:12

What has your trade union said? They need to be backing you up on this completely.

Letmegetthisrightasawoman · 20/08/2020 23:14

@FortunesFave

I am a little confused as to why you didn't immediately unlock the door yourself when he locked it?

That's what I would have done. If he did it with a key, I'd have said "Unlock that door now...I have the police on fast dial"

Why didn't you leave immediately?

Unless you've been in exactly the same situation yourself, you simply cannot know what you would have done. I had counselling after I was mugged and the counselor told me they no longer train bank employees about what to do when there's a robbery. The reason is that most people freeze and are unable to put their training into practice, leading to tremendous feelings of guilt afterwards.

You might also like to ask yourself what on earth made you think your post would help the OP...

Slimeisevil · 20/08/2020 23:14

@WhatTheFuckHappenedHere

Don’t want to go into it too much but I was measuring up a house for the vendor.

He followed me round while I was measuring etc (a few vendors had done the same so I didn’t really think too much of it)

Anyway, he asked me to re-do the kitchen (which was at the back of the house) I remember thinking it odd at the time but it’s business so I did it.

He asked me A LOT of inappropriate questions. Things like if I liked hearing myself on tape, do I like to measure other things. It was obviously the questions and the way he said it, I don’t know but it made my blood run cold.

There may be a trigger warning for the rest but if you want to PM me then I will go in to a bit more detail.

I’d been doing this job for 5 years and when I spoke to my manager, he told me to just get on with it.

2 days later when I had to (List another property) I handed in my notice. No way would I go through that again.

Souledout · 20/08/2020 23:15

Sometimes people put the key in their pocket.

Also I know people mean well with code words, but that's o.k if the person doesn take your phone of you.

I remember at my interview, they asked what I would do if a colleague wasn't back when they should be?

I said I would ring the colleage and ring the patient, to see when they left.

They agreed.

Then I said, that doesn't mean I will believe what the patient has told me.

They were a bit Shock

I don't care.

endofthetether · 20/08/2020 23:15

@WhatTheFuckHappenedHere

This is probably going to be very long! This happened this afternoon and I’m quite shaken up and still trying to make sense of it all, so apologies if this appears jumbled.

Part of my job involves taking photos of houses before they go on the market. Today I was asked by my boss to go round to an address to do just that. I have recently resumed doing this part of my job, with PPE. Boss had spoken to the owner, who was expecting me. I went round, knocked on the door, which was opened by an older (ish) man. I introduced myself, the workplace I’m from, and why I’d come round. He appeared quite confused, and said he was expecting someone else from a different kind of company entirely. I could see into the house as we were standing in the porch, and I could see bare floorboards, a sleeping bag in the corner, and rubbish littered about. I was starting a feel a bit uneasy as his reaction was a combination of hostile and confused.

I apologised, said that perhaps there had been a mix up and that I would go back to the car (parked literally dead opposite the house) and call my boss to sort it out. At this point he said ‘no, no need for that’, reached behind me, and LOCKED the outer door, leaving me locked in the porch with him with the door to the house open behind him. I was quite scared to find myself locked in with him, and this obviously came across because he then said ‘it’s ok, I’m not going to hurt you.’

I called my boss, while the man paced up and down the living room. He was right there in the room, and had just locked me in, and was being hostile, so I didn’t feel that I could tell my boss that I didn’t feel comfortable. He spoke to my boss using my phone and eventually begrudgingly agreed that I could do what I came there to do. I whizzed round the downstairs as quickly as I could, taking the worst photos ever, thinking that compliance might put me in less danger and get me out quicker. He followed me round the house silently the whole time, and twice repeated that he wouldn’t hurt me.

I went to leave, praying that he’d unlock the door without a fuss, and he reminded me that I ‘forgot’ to take photos of upstairs. I told him that we already had some from the last time the property was sold, but he insisted and in my now very panicked state I thought it was better to avoid an argument. As we walked up the stairs with him right behind me, he suddenly said ‘I can see why you wouldn’t want to go up the stairs in a strange man’s house though.’ Upstairs I took a few more blurry photos, trying not to turn my back on him at all, he didn’t seem to notice that I wasn’t doing it properly. Upstairs, there was no bathroom suite, just a toilet and a long white marble effect worktop in the bathroom which added to the general bizarreness. I rushed back downstairs and did a fake cheery, ‘ok cheerio then, all done here, boss will email you soon’, all the time my heart was thumping like crazy. Thankfully, he then unlocked the door for me, and then stood and watched me drive off up the road.

I drove back to work and recounted what happened, I was really quite shaken up by it. I wasn’t hurt but it could have worked out so differently. The man clearly knew I was uncomfortable and didn’t stop or apologise. My boss thought it was funny!!! He literally laughed and said ‘yeah I could tell on the phone that you were freaked out.’ That was all that was said about.

AIBU to think that I could have been in danger here and that my boss should have reacted differently, and had a proper contingency plan in place. Apologies that this is so long!

@WhatTheFuckHappenedHere your home visiting policy should include a codeword to use on the phone if you are in perceived danger - get one agreed ASAP
endofthetether · 20/08/2020 23:17

Also your boss's reaction is a disgrace

PinkyBrain · 20/08/2020 23:18

I go into people’s houses for my job. Some of them have a lot of issues and have presented problems. I’ve had the door locked behind me before and it isn’t fun.
I have a location tracker / alarm system on my phone so my boss always knows where I am and I can raise an alert if necessary. You need something like this really. I’ve felt very uncomfortable in people’s homes before and usually say that I need to get something from the car or similar when I want to get out of there fast. It sounds like you were caught unawares this morning so have a little think about situations like this and what your plan would be. Things like always sitting in the chair nearest the door for example or parking the car facing out of the street so you can get away quickly. It doesn’t come naturally to me so I have to actively think about things like this before I go in.

WagnersFourthSymphony · 20/08/2020 23:19

@FortunesFave

I am a little confused as to why you didn't immediately unlock the door yourself when he locked it?

That's what I would have done. If he did it with a key, I'd have said "Unlock that door now...I have the police on fast dial"

Why didn't you leave immediately?

Really? Have you ever been in that sort of situation? If you have, how can you possibly say that the man would have reacted the same way if he wasn't the same man in the same place on the same day and you're talking after the event?

You are sounding like the people that say they'd snatch the car keys from the ignition if they ever got abducted by car. Please stop.

You are talking from a theoretical position that bears no relation to the actual situation OP found herself in.

Her employer needs to look at their safeguarding and Lone Worker policies as a matter of urgency.

IdblowJonSnow · 20/08/2020 23:25

Fucking hell OP. I'd have been terrified. I'd call 111 and see if they suggest anything.
He obviously enjoyed shitting you up.
Bit of a lack of empathy on here - no one knows for sure what they'd do when this stuff actually happens.
Your boss is a total prick. Not acceptable at all. Yes he should have regard for your safety. Some men (and women it seems from a few PPs) have zero imagination and just cant imagine what it's like on the receiving end of this shit.
Really feeling very annoyed on your behalf but thank god you're ok.
Please in future hang back a bit to get a vibe before you enter- am sure you have now thought if this. Females in these jobs are very vulnerable. I often think of poor suzy lamplugh and her family. Sad

GabsAlot · 20/08/2020 23:32

that sounds awful id tell the ea what if he does this again or worse-it clearly wasnt a true listing he might just do it to get women there

if your company has someone higher go to the them its not right to just laugh it off

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 20/08/2020 23:44

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. All very useful.

For those asking why I didn’t unlock the door; he put the key in his pocket. Funnily enough, I didn’t think it was a good idea to go rooting through his jeans pocket for it. I didn’t scream or make a fuss because I thought that would make the situation worse. I’m not honestly sure how that would have helped the situation - there was no one other than him to hear me screaming.

Many thanks again to all the helpful posters.

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 20/08/2020 23:51

It was Stephanie Slater that came to mind for me. A family member had bought a house from that branch a year or so earlier and it was local news with extensive coverage (as well as national)

Your boss needs to take this seriously and set up appropriate protocols.
Assault is a crime that applies when the victim is lead to believe that there is an attempt to cause harm, not just the application of harm. Contacting the police and the estate agent is wise.

I hope you're OK. I was once in a different but very compromised position and my initial instinct was to freeze to process the situation. It's a natural reaction to not want to aggravate a situation and escalate it.

macaroniinapot · 20/08/2020 23:53

Not to scare you more but in addition to the two cases mentioned, the series Making A Murderer is cantered around the murder of a photographer on private property.

I can't believe your boss laughed. I would speak to him again and let him know exactly how they made you feel and the severity of the situation.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 20/08/2020 23:53

I'd be absolutley livid. Hope you are okay and am glad you are going to talk to your boss

Italiangreyhound · 21/08/2020 00:15

This is really awful. I am so sorry. Yes, your boss should definitely have plans in place for the future. For now, he is a complete arse for not taking this seriously.

Pantsomime · 21/08/2020 00:24

Totally furious on your behalf, I experienced similar when a man I was visiting started saying inappropriate things so I went to leave and he grabbed me. I talked my way out of it and he did it again sandwiching me against a wall. I got away. My bosses laughed at me.
Fast forward many years, different company but same thing we have to do written risk assessment before entering and have Lone working policies.
Your boss would have had his arse handed to him on a plate if something had happened to you. The first question would be
Let’s see your risk assessment and then lone working policy.
One tip- once in a situation and feeling like you can’t get out say it’s policy for you to make a call To the office to say you’ve arrived before you progress otherwise they will send a colleague round- that will give you the chance to make a call as the Other person may not want you to use your phone. Although I was not harmed it affected me for a long time and I could never wear the outfit I had on that day again and it was brand new! Every few months I’d get it out to wear but the feelings came back and I charity shopped it. You did well today and it will probably help to have a cry then tell your boss that he needs to protect his business and you and here’s the name of some resources ( from here) when do you BOTH start the training? He needs to understand. If he won’t do it and you want to stay on the job - you can do a lot of self learning but ultimately you need to feel valued and safe and your boss can’t rely on ignorance after today.

BusyProcrastinator · 21/08/2020 00:31

All the people saying she shouldn’t have done xyz need to understand that it is a survival instinct/tactic to placate aggressors/potentially volatile people (men).

Winter2020 · 21/08/2020 01:40

So sorry this happened to you OP -it sounds very scary.

Lots of good ideas from other posters. I just wanted to add to what has been said (I used to work in housing support visiting tenants) the suggestion to text on starting/leaving a visit is great if someone in the office or a buddy will monitor you but additionally you (and your colleagues of course) should always have to sign in and sign out if you are starting the day with a visit rather than at the office or finishing on a visit and not returning to the office. For obvious reasons so your colleagues can’t assume you have failed to show up for work that day or not notice that you never left for home safely - delaying anyone noticing you are missing by a huge amount of time.

You should have a system in place to do two person visits if any reason at all makes you think there may be an issue or feel uncomfortable. It might be that a person has sounded a bit strange on the phone or (with your photography remit) wants to meet in an isolated area. In this case if the estate agent had warned you for example that there is a sitting tenant being evicted (perhaps) then you might think trouble was possible (although you wouldn’t have expected creepy).

You could also start a list of “banned” individuals and addresses.

I agree I would discuss your concerns with your local police and see if they can keep an incident on file/have a word if they think it appropriate. It sounds like it would be goo pd for him to be on their radar. And yes to alerting the estate agents - 2 staff should accompany viewers (and ask them to wait to be greeted by them before knocking)

GameofChess · 21/08/2020 01:50

As I was reading your OP all I could think about was poor Suzie Lamplugh, and I see that lots of people were thinking the same. Very very sad case.

You're getting some sound practical advice here OP. Take it seriously and your boss should indeed take it very seriously. I'm afraid you very much were in danger. That is why your heart was thumping. You knew you were but your reasoning brain was trying to talk you out of it.

Don't ever get yourself into that situation again.

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