School 'Social Justice manager' knocking on my door. Confused. Why ??

[clapshot]

I'm in Scotland. So this is the second week of schools being back.

We (me and DC and P) stay with MIL, DC Grandmother. She had part of a lung removed in early March for lung cancer. Multidisciplinary team are considering radiotherapy. She also has heart problems. Still in her 60s.

I'm extremely wary of sending DC back to school, so I didn't. I emailed their schools, which was received as I got a reply from both, the high school one saying they'll be in contact.

I've had a couple of phone calls from a withheld number yesterday and today but I'm WFH so was busy.

Door knocked earlier, was working so didn't answer. Again just now. I don't usually answer unless I'm expecting someone (door faces onto street and get a lot of sellers and religion people).

Looked out the window as they were leaving and my eldest DC recognised them as the Social Justice manager of their school.

What is this all about ??

Am I in some kind of trouble ??

Why would a school do this ??

I'm going to phone them up tomorrow but just wondered why they would be knocking my door ??

As I have read English guidelines if there is another shielding period the children of the shielded households won't have to attend school and other provision will be put in place.
I'm one of the shielded and I'm conflicted about this
That said my point is that you need to engage with the school so they can work with you to keep everyone safe and provided for. You can't just decide your kids aren't going to school.

@clapshot

I will deal with them.

I guess I just never realised before how little agency I have in my own Children's lives. I wouldn't have thought that since I sent an email, a teenager with no previous social work involvement or concerns would be such a concern to them so quickly.

I'm just so worried about making the decision to send them back, knowing that this virus would very likely be the death of MIL. We can't stay apart, we live in a small flat.

Your Partner leaves the house to go to work!!!

This makes your points completely invalid

You'd be surprised how little agency you have if you realised that if your 15-year-old tells those in authority that she wants to go to school, but you and your anxiety and overreaction are preventing it, they'd be siding with her.

Your child is in an exam year and you are letting your anxiety compromise her education and your partner is allowing that to happen, too. That's shocking. I can't imagine not doing anything and everything I can to make sure my kids have the very best education possible no matter what the sacrifice to me and their father. It's our job as parents.

You need to see a GP about this rather than cooping your children up in a small flat like battery hens.

The school and the system are there to exercise a duty of care with the child's best interest in mind.

It's not in a child's best interest to be cooped up in a small flat not going to school with parents who are, quite rightly, busy working and expected to 'self-motivate' their own education and with a parent whose mental health issue is driving what is effectively house arrest for them.

I'm quite glad you were visited. Hope they follow up. Poor kids.

@RJnomore1 what is the role of social justice manager please ?? I've tried googling and all that comes up is some government think tank. I think I spoke to this guy once previously when I was having trouble getting free school meals because the council didn't recognise my ID.

I'd like to know the role of the person I'll be speaking to.

There is a difference between leaving the house for a covid secure, socially distanced workplace and leaving the house for school. Really. We are doing our best, but the guidance for schools (in England certainly) falls short of the guidance for many other workplaces.

You haven't answered calls or your door. Of course this look bad to them. They have one e-mail. Also I'd send your 15 yo to your parents. This is not good for their mental health.

@clapshot I just read your response. If the school pass it to ss, they will know. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

What's done is done now, you can't change it. I would just email, to show you're willing to engage and not 'hiding'. Even though they've made contact with your emergency contact, they will still need to speak with you.

Don't worry about it, give them a time to call (as you are wfh) and just ask what they want to do moving forward. If you're communicating, it's fine! Dm me if you need any advice. Good luck

And they are not going to go away and be satisfied with bloody emails. You're hiding away like that and your partner not engaging with them either will be like a red flag to them that there might be a concern for your children (there is, from the sounds of it you've frightened them into believing it's okay to be locked up in a tiny flat and be afraid of normal living). You need to speed to them.

[quote clapshot]@RJnomore1 what is the role of social justice manager please ?? I've tried googling and all that comes up is some government think tank. I think I spoke to this guy once previously when I was having trouble getting free school meals because the council didn't recognise my ID.

I'd like to know the role of the person I'll be speaking to.[/quote]
Why don't you ask the school?

@InDeoEstMeaFiducia

How rude of you!!

Because I have anxiety, it does NOT mean my DC are impacted in any way!!

You are full of assumptions.

Of course I've asked them how they feel about going back to school. Of course!!

They are not cooped up like battery hens. We do many (outdoor) activities.

If I felt, or they told me, their mental health was suffering then I'd take action.

Not everyone's teenagers want to be out roaming the streets. Not everyone's teenagers need to be forced into doing school work. Some are quiet and self motivated.

DP is the father!!

In an ordinary situation, I'd see your point. But this is a pandemic, and we stay with someone it would kill.

I don't think I'm a terrible parent to have big concerns.

Schools have a duty of care to all children enrolled and y'know who is most likely to abuse or harm a child? Their family. Of course they're trying to see or speak to you. If I were you I'd be quite pleased your child's school isnt accepting an email, which could be written by absolutely anybody, without trying to contact you in another way. It shows they're a good school that takes their responsibility to their pupils seriously.
I worked for the women's sector for a while and if we had someone send us one email then blue completely uncontactable our policy would be to contact the police for a welfare check. I wouldn't be surprised if the school has a similar policy.

They won't email you OP, they need to know they are talking to you as it's to do with minors.

You are not selling yourself well, I understand the MIL issue but the school aren't hounding you.... Its their legal responsibility to ensure the safeguarding of your children. I would not be surprised if you don't have SS with a police escort doing a welfare check in the next 24hrs or so.

As for asking their school mates.... They can't, well they can but it makes no odds what they say. It's you they need to speak too.

And I think you need to seek help for your anxiety.

There are very good reasons for this level of checking up on children. In some areas of Scotland, girls your DD's age would disappear like that and it turns out they were being taken abroad to be coerced into arranged marriages or they had been groomed by organised gangs.

Some adults don't look after their children's best interests, sadly.

"What is a social justice manager?"

I don't know, but I think it might be a title that your child has either made up, or picked up wrong or it's a slang term used at school? It will probably be something like "school attendance officer".

Maybe a phone call to their head of year would sort all this out?

Maybe if you'd made that call yesterday then you be getting all this aggro today!!

So the school said they'd be in contact but you've deliberately not answered the phone or answered the door Can you possibly have a think as to what that might look like to them? You can hardly complain about feeling hounded when you keep waving these big red flags at them. If you can't see the problem, you're being incredibly naive.

But your anxiety IS affecting your children. They can’t go to school and are having a mish mash of “education” in an important year.

And you obviously have more than one child, it’s not just your 15 year old you are affecting.

15 year old has been off school since March, has important exams yet you're keeping him home. No wonder the school are on your back!

Get him back to school.

Our school updated their absence policy last year.

They specifically say that parents / guardians need to telephone the school office about absences, rather than email. They don’t spell out why email is unacceptable, but I suppose it may be for some of the reasons pp have suggested.

If they don’t get a phone call from the parent / guardian, they’ve got a list of actions which escalates through calling the contact numbers for the child, visiting the child’s home, and finally calling the police about the absent child.

Really the best thing to do is to call the schools first thing tomorrow and see if you can speak to someone about it.

And also do you have voicemail on your phone? I don’t on my landline, but I do in my mobile.
I’ve occasionally had calls from school because my DC have had minor accidents that have needed medical attention or DC being picked up early.

I am seriously dreading having to deal with parents like you in September 🙄.

Sadly, you asking them only to contact you via email hoisted another red flag for the school.
Because, as others have said, anyone can write an email pretending to be a parent. A father can write one pretending to be the mother. Vice versa. Kids can write them.

[quote clapshot]@InDeoEstMeaFiducia

How rude of you!!

Because I have anxiety, it does NOT mean my DC are impacted in any way!!

You are full of assumptions.

Of course I've asked them how they feel about going back to school. Of course!!

They are not cooped up like battery hens. We do many (outdoor) activities.

If I felt, or they told me, their mental health was suffering then I'd take action.

Not everyone's teenagers want to be out roaming the streets. Not everyone's teenagers need to be forced into doing school work. Some are quiet and self motivated.

DP is the father!!

In an ordinary situation, I'd see your point. But this is a pandemic, and we stay with someone it would kill.

I don't think I'm a terrible parent to have big concerns.[/quote]
What will be seen as rude and worse is you and your partner's not engaging with authority. I'm not the one with them knocking on my door. I have PTSD and depression. It's my responsibility and my job to minimise the impact of both of those conditions on my surviving children, and I have to work hard at it, not just hide away.

If teenagers did not require formal education it would not exist. Imagine the money councils would save! It's acknowledged, however, that they are incapable of educating themselves, they do not have the skill set to do that to an acceptable level, this is why there are teachers. Even in higher education, people require instructors and formal education for a reason.

You're in denial of you truly believe teenagers will tell their parent whom they see has anxiety about their inner feelings, a lot of them will not.

You're allowing your anxiety to effect you to the point where it is compromising your children's education, that is obvious because that is why you are being checked up on. Your refusal to engage with them will only exacerbate their concerns.

You need to see a GP about your level of anxiety.

Personally, if I were your MIL I'd sell everything I had to get you out of my home and into a place of your own rather than see my grandchildren's education compromised and their sat at home in an exam year and not socialising with their peers (btw, teens who do this are not necessarily just hooning around the streets ). Interaction with peers is known to be very important to children's development.

You are the only who is being checked up on. I highly suggest you woman up or get your partner to contact them or at least answer the door because they are NOT going to go away and I highly doubt another email will assuage them, quite rightly.

I understand your concerns as a clinically extremely vulnerable person myself I really do. It’s so stressful. I get that 💐
However, after telling the school you were shielding MIL but then not answering the door or phone calls there is a massive red flag they need to check up on xx