School 'Social Justice manager' knocking on my door. Confused. Why ??

[clapshot]

I'm in Scotland. So this is the second week of schools being back.

We (me and DC and P) stay with MIL, DC Grandmother. She had part of a lung removed in early March for lung cancer. Multidisciplinary team are considering radiotherapy. She also has heart problems. Still in her 60s.

I'm extremely wary of sending DC back to school, so I didn't. I emailed their schools, which was received as I got a reply from both, the high school one saying they'll be in contact.

I've had a couple of phone calls from a withheld number yesterday and today but I'm WFH so was busy.

Door knocked earlier, was working so didn't answer. Again just now. I don't usually answer unless I'm expecting someone (door faces onto street and get a lot of sellers and religion people).

Looked out the window as they were leaving and my eldest DC recognised them as the Social Justice manager of their school.

What is this all about ??

Am I in some kind of trouble ??

Why would a school do this ??

I'm going to phone them up tomorrow but just wondered why they would be knocking my door ??

@Chezacheza

And also I never pick up withheld numbers. They could have left a voice mail. It might not have even been them.

Quite a few organisations and most public bodies have withheld numbers though - the NHS, the police etc.

Recently I have found the scam calls - especially the you have had an accident calls, all show the caller number.

Quite a few organisations and most public bodies have withheld numbers though - the NHS, the police etc

They will leave a voice mail if it’s important because what would be the point? How would you ever know if they had rang. What if you were in the shower or ok the toilet?

You need to do something about that chip on your shoulder regarding free school meals. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but you clearly think it is, because otherwise you wouldn’t get so stressy when it’s mentioned.

Good luck, I hope you get something sorted out that everyone is happy with.

@Chezacheza

Quite a few organisations and most public bodies have withheld numbers though - the NHS, the police etc

They will leave a voice mail if it’s important because what would be the point? How would you ever know if they had rang. What if you were in the shower or ok the toilet?

Many can't due to privacy afaik. I would assume school would be the same.

This is not a good way to live. Your children need to be in school,no question about it. You need to get some kind of therapy for your anxiety. The way you’re avoiding things will make it much worse. CBT would probably benefit you.

They will leave a voice mail if it’s important because what would be the point?

Actually a lot aren't permitted to leave voicemails. I had missed calls from the midwife, and they explained that unfortunately they couldn't leave a message in case you weren't in possession of your phone. For example, if you had an abusive partner who checked messages/voicemails etc, having a message from a midwife could be dangerous. Also it doesn't indicate that anyone has actually listened to it, plus many don't hand out their direct numbers (for good reason), it would be an admin nightmare having people call back from missed calls. Most will just try a few more times, but ideally be in a position to let the person know to expect a call and a rough time.

OP I am pleased you have contacted the school and I hope you find a good way forward.

I say this in the kindest possible way, OP, but I really think you should look into some kind of therapy. The reason I say that is because you had a traumatising experience many years ago that still has you doing somewhat unusual “self protection” behaviours which have now led to you being in a situation which is much more stressful and complicated than it would have been if you didn’t. You are seeing attacks and “hounding” that isn’t there, and taking explanations and responses in the worst possible way. No-one is saying you are a horrible parent for worrying about COVID, but they have pointed out that hiding from contact by your child’s school and not ensuring her educational needs are met will raise red flags. You’ve couched this in terms of “agency over your children’s lives” - as an attack on you by an enemy rather than a school’s legal obligations to make sure your child is safe and well. As you thought it would be appropriate for the school to ask your child’s friends about them (no, it really would NOT) and panicked so much about it all, I wonder if you have fears around ‘officialdom’? Whatever is going on sounds pretty miserable for you all, but you really don’t have to live in such fear.

Off topic, but a friend has gone to the police because of a stalker who rings her dozens of times a day from a withheld number.

The police keep calling her on a withheld number and not leaving voicemails.

I do think these organisations need to come up with a better way of contacting people.

You need to do something about that chip on your shoulder regarding free school meals. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but you clearly think it is, because otherwise you wouldn’t get so stressy when it’s mentioned.

Is this a joke? You posted something callous and are now trying to make out it's OPs reaction.

They will be trying to work out a solution to get them into school (what will have changed in a month?) I've heard of families be offered temporary accommodation elsewhere for instance. Education is very important and missing a month really could affect your 15 year old future

@Mintychoc1

I don't have a chip on my shoulder. You were the one who first brought it up in an acerbic way and to (you thought) subtly take a nasty dig at me.

When it was completely irrelevant to anything in the thread.

Quite a few other posters picked up on your tone and the intention behind it as well.

If you really mean the good luck, thanks.

Tbh my issue with you keeping your DC off school is that your eldest is on an important exam year. Yes school can be caught up but it's not fair on your 15yo to have to have their schooling disrupted even further than it already has been by covid lockdown. The younger child's school is probably more accommodating because they arent in an important year and should be able to get through enough for them to keep up when they return by sending worksheets etc.

The first few weeks of school will probably be focussed on reviewing anything they missed by being off school since March and starting the exam syllabus. Because of the shortened timeframe for covering it then even a month out is going to mean they are going to miss a huge chunk of the foundation information they'll need for the rest of the year. Add in the uncertainty of if you will actually let them attend school and it isnt fair for your child's education to be left in limbo.

Additionally, not sending your child in for a month and giving them books/internet is not homeschooling. Homeschooling needs to either be done properly - with structure, adult supervision and support, proper resources and work - or not at all. You dont seem to have an adequate set up so even if the school sends work home etc it is not something that can go on indefinitely, and every day they arent in school is another day they will be falling behind their peers. Also, the school might understand an initial reluctance to send your child in but they cant hold their place nor can they expect teachers to create homeschool resources for your child on a rolling monthly basis until you are ready to take up the place again. What happens if at the end of the month you still dont want to send them? Or the month after that? Or the month after that? The school can't wait indefinitely for you to send your child back (at which point I can guarantee that no matter how much work they are doing at home they will be behind their peers) and so they need to talk to you to decide whether you are sending them back or applying to homeschool. They cant be kept in limbo and you cant pick and choose what you want to do with your children's education.

Sending one email and then ignoring any incoming calls/knocking is not advocating for your children and comes across from the other side as you being obstructive. All the school sees is that you sent one email and then have refused all further communication and they havent actually seen your children since March. They even sent someone to the house (in which there is supposed to be a whole family self isolating) and yet still nobody answered the door, which is another red flag. Even if you didn't want to let them in, you could have opened the door and spoken to them, by not answering it comes across - intentionally or not - as yet more obstruction between you and the school contracting your children. That is a safeguarding concern.

Finally, as a 31yr old I resent the idea posted by a PP that it is normal to ignore calls/doorbell for anyone in their 30s - I find it abnormal that anyone wouldnt answer them or at least be proactive about calling back. If I knew my child school said they would try to get in contact then I missed some calls from withheld numbers I would be contacting the school to try and set up an appointment to talk to them since we have clearly missed each other previously and I dont want to have to play phone tag. I have anxiety so i understand why some people may find it hard but the default should be that I'd rather have to cut off the odd cold caller if it means I don't miss important information.

• Quite a few organisations and most public bodies have withheld numbers though - the NHS, the police etc

They will leave a voice mail if it’s important because what would be the point? How would you ever know if they had rang. What if you were in the shower or ok the toilet?*

In my experience as a witness to a crime they ring back later. My son was a victim of serious crime and when they couldn't
get hold of him (no phones at his work) , they visited me in plain clothes looking for him. (He's at uni so can be at 2 addresses)

A lot of people don't have their voicemail personalized so you know it's definitely them and you can't be sure that other people don't have access to the voicemail
(Eg abusive spouse)

I suspect that the police making their number public increases prank calls etc but I agree that there has to be another solution as lots of people assume withheld = cold caller.

You are seeing attacks and “hounding” that isn’t there, and taking explanations and responses in the worst possible way.

Gas lighting.

Many posters commented on how horrible people were being. Naturally one becomes defensive after that. If you think this thread is an example of how people should behave, you're the one who needs counselling. In the nicest possible way.

@year5teacher

So while you’re feeling affronted/hounded/mistrusted because they’ve taken steps to ensure your kids are safe, think about this:

• parent sends email saying children will no longer be at school
• parent and children then totally drop off the radar, no response to phone calls or visits

How is the school to know that you don’t have an abusive family member who could kidnap the children? Or if you had had a mental health crisis without insight to your symptoms and harmed the children/yourself? Or were just even straight up neglecting them?

Surely you can see that these are possibilities that cannot be ignored, they need to be investigated and ruled out. School can’t just say “oh there’s no prior safeguarding concerns” - that would be so awful and would stop so many things being picked up. We can’t generalise and say “her DC always have their stuff and she comes to parents evenings so it’s probably fine”.

Like... surely you would rather these systems were in place and understand why you are not exempt from them?

This happened in the US last year.

Both kids were killed almost immediately.

Purpledaisychain

There is no 'right' way to be home schooled.

As a TA, you have been trained to support learning on the national curriculum. There's a lot more to learning and many different ways to do it.

@Lightsonnobodyshome

But there is a wrong way, and I've seen several kids fall victim to it.

I can understand both your anxiety over sending the kids back to school and having strangers turn up at your door.

There is a cluster that has been traced to a school in Dundee already and the kids haven't been back much more than a week. And what the heck is a social justice manager? Big title for a truancy officer, eh!

melj1213

You have managed to be incredibly condescending and self righteous about every area of the OP's life but there is an interesting silence about the valid reason she has for wanting to keep her children off-her mother's health and the worrying status of several schools in Scotland. Since you have an answer for everything, why can't you address what happens to her mother if her teenage child brings covid home?

Purpledaisychain

Well, that's not what you were saying. And you don't know if the OP will do it. Everyone's an expert on mumsnet but a TA in the school system is not in a position to define the right way to home educate!

I do agree there's a wrong way if you're planning to send your kids back to school and hope they slit in. Everything happens to a different timetable there.

slot

@Lightsonnobodyshome I was referring to the OP’s perception of the contact by the school, not this thread. Maybe you should pay attention before making nasty accusations.

We need to go back to more letters. I was n the HMRC website today and yet again I confirmed I want communications by post. Ditto the bank - I keep having to turn back on paper statements.

Christ well done OP for putting up with this thread!

You came across very well and your concerns are genuine.
Other posters were shockingly rude
and frankly not worth your efforts.