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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School 'Social Justice manager' knocking on my door. Confused. Why ??

404 replies

clapshot · 19/08/2020 16:42

I'm in Scotland. So this is the second week of schools being back.

We (me and DC and P) stay with MIL, DC Grandmother. She had part of a lung removed in early March for lung cancer. Multidisciplinary team are considering radiotherapy. She also has heart problems. Still in her 60s.

I'm extremely wary of sending DC back to school, so I didn't. I emailed their schools, which was received as I got a reply from both, the high school one saying they'll be in contact.

I've had a couple of phone calls from a withheld number yesterday and today but I'm WFH so was busy.

Door knocked earlier, was working so didn't answer. Again just now. I don't usually answer unless I'm expecting someone (door faces onto street and get a lot of sellers and religion people).

Looked out the window as they were leaving and my eldest DC recognised them as the Social Justice manager of their school.

What is this all about ??

Am I in some kind of trouble ??

Why would a school do this ??

I'm going to phone them up tomorrow but just wondered why they would be knocking my door ??

OP posts:
ZoeTurtle · 19/08/2020 18:05

Having a partner who works out of the home weakens your case a little...

hammeringinmyhead · 19/08/2020 18:05

I do think that you should have been anticipating a call from the school as a response to your email. What did you expect, a reply saying okie dokie, see then in September?

Starbuggy · 19/08/2020 18:05

Well yes, they contacted the emergency contact about a child they had a duty of care for, because you refused to send them to school and ignored their calls and visit! Schools can’t just ignore stuff like this.

Teenangels · 19/08/2020 18:06

You are not sending your kids to school but their dad is at work, come on OP and your sister is going to be helping them home school so another person is either going to come to the house or the kids go out.
OP this is a little crazy. You cant pick and choose.

Sirzy · 19/08/2020 18:06

@LilQueenie

You can take your child out temporarily and educate them at home during covid but you need to keep in contact with the school to do so. Its only if you were going to home educate for a longer period that you need to deregister them.
That’s not the case in England any more. Unless there is a medical reason for the child (with evidence from medical teams) then from when the term starts normal attendance expectations are back in place. If someone wants to home Ed that’s fine and their choice but they have to deregister from the school
Original poster
clapshot · 19/08/2020 18:07

I will deal with them.

I guess I just never realised before how little agency I have in my own Children's lives. I wouldn't have thought that since I sent an email, a teenager with no previous social work involvement or concerns would be such a concern to them so quickly.

I'm just so worried about making the decision to send them back, knowing that this virus would very likely be the death of MIL. We can't stay apart, we live in a small flat.

OP posts:
ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress · 19/08/2020 18:07

I don't think you're quite getting OP, that the homeschooling that parents were doing to support their children's teachers during lockdown isn't continuing now.
You need to send them to school or formally deregister them- ie tell the authorities they will not be taking that place and you will be educating them yourself. Not having your 15 year old follow the book their mates are using in class.

Original poster
clapshot · 19/08/2020 18:09

Partner is a gardener with no contact with people at work.

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/08/2020 18:10

My point is that there are two parents here. Only the OP is being criticised.

vagoftheday · 19/08/2020 18:11

Can you not understand that some parents might send an email explaining their child's absence that isn't genuine? The child could be injured, missing, secretly pregnant or any number of other scenarios.
You ignored their calls and didn't answer the door so of course they're concerned. They have a duty of care to the children enrolled in their school.
I'm slightly confused why your partner is able to go out to work when your children cannot go to school though?

Sirzy · 19/08/2020 18:11

Seriously though do you think it’s in the best interest of a 15 year old to be spending every day stuck inside a small flat with the extended family? Have you spoken to them about this?

I would be more worried about the long term impact on them to be honest.

SockYarn · 19/08/2020 18:11

DC is 15. I very much doubt that starvation is a genuine worry in this case.

Not starvation maybe. But if your DC is 15 they will be sitting National 5s or Highers next May. This year is incredibly important for those children (I have a 15 year old too). They have already missed a chunk of schooling in June when they ordinarily would have started the new course. And now you're saying you're keeping them off longer?

Schools in Scotland are back. You can;t expect the teachers to both deal with the kids in school, and deal with children whose parents have kept them off.

And the most unreasonable thing of the lot is not answering your phone or door!

vagoftheday · 19/08/2020 18:11

Sorry, cross posted about partner's job.

LilQueenie · 19/08/2020 18:12

Sirzy I was talking about Scotland which is where OP is from.

Willthisallblowover · 19/08/2020 18:12

OP can you not send your child to your parents to stay? She really needs to get to school, she will be starting her prelims in December?

You can’t stop life for your child just because of your MIL (and I say this as a mum who has a son who had to shield).

SoupDragon · 19/08/2020 18:13

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g

My point is that there are two parents here. Only the OP is being criticised.
Only one of them has been in contact and is subsequently ignoring the school(s) when they try to contact her.
ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress · 19/08/2020 18:14

OP, you are determined to find a problem for every solution and drip drip the information in that suits you.

Any safeguarding officer in any school would have serious concerns, especially having tried to do a home visit (when apparently everyone is working/studying IN that same home!!) and obtaining no answer.

Send your kids to school. Or don't. But don't slag off the school for doing what they should do. And thank God they do.

How does your 15 yr old feel about not being allowed to go to school?

Original poster
clapshot · 19/08/2020 18:14

@Sirzy

Seriously though do you think it’s in the best interest of a 15 year old to be spending every day stuck inside a small flat with the extended family? Have you spoken to them about this?

I would be more worried about the long term impact on them to be honest.

Where did I say they were spending every day stuck inside a flat ?? We go on walks and the DC have (very) distanced meetings with their cousins.
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 19/08/2020 18:15

I wouldn't have thought that since I sent an email, a teenager with no previous social work involvement or concerns would be such a concern to them so quickly. But all they have is an email from someone who claims to be you saying they won't see the child for at least a month due to X. They say they'll be in touch, at least to confirm what work they'll be doing etc. You don't answer. They try the house. You don't answer. So you really think they should have no concerns that they can't contact you or your child?

Sirzy · 19/08/2020 18:16

And at 15 do you really think that’s enough social interaction? What about friendships?

SleepingStandingUp · 19/08/2020 18:17

So is your sister educating both children in all subjects via Skype with a new baby with contact to the school to confirm the learning materials?

Original poster
clapshot · 19/08/2020 18:17

@ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress

I'm not slagging off the school. I just feel a bit mistrusted / hounded. This is an unprecedented situation for all of us and some of us have vulnerable family members. I think it's too much of a one size fits all approach. And the home visit did freak me out a bit tbh.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/08/2020 18:18

*I've since found out they've also called the emergency contact (my parents). A 15 year old. After a few days. And after I'd already emailed them explaining.

I'll need to phone them yes, but to be honest I do feel rather hounded*

It's actually good to see they are really following up to make sure kids are ok. Did you miss all the info about abuse in lockdown? Obviously a child not going back and no answer on the phone will be a reason for action like personal visit. You wouldn't need to feel hounded, if you acted like a proper adult and answered a phone or shout out from the window, or shouted to your teenager to answer the door...

I understand why you are worried about sending them back but for the rest you are being massively unreasonable.

bridgetreilly · 19/08/2020 18:18

I guess I just never realised before how little agency I have in my own Children's lives. I wouldn't have thought that since I sent an email, a teenager with no previous social work involvement or concerns would be such a concern to them so quickly.

You still have agency. You still have the right to withdraw your children and homeschool them. What you don't have the right to do is leave them on roll at the school then decide not to send them. You can't just send an email and have that be that for weeks or even months. It's not like writing a note because they were ill for a couple of days.

Your child may be 15 but that is still a child, and they have an obligation to ensure that children are being properly cared for. If you won't answer the phone (Did they leave a message? Could you have called back?) that is only going to increase their concern. They are doing the right thing, just in case there is something sinister going on. You'll need to talk to them, they'll explain that this has to be counted as unauthorised absence, then you'll work out a plan going forward.

What won't help is getting defensive or affronted. They are doing their job, and there may be some other child who really does need help who would be picked up by this system.

Genevieva · 19/08/2020 18:19

In your situation I would weigh up the practicalities of formally home schooling. You could find out what support there is. I think an open conversation is needed and possibly even a visit to the school after hours to see how they are managing infection control. You might also want to think about whether there is pressure on school places - would your kids get back into the same school if you withdrew them?