School 'Social Justice manager' knocking on my door. Confused. Why ??

[clapshot]

I'm in Scotland. So this is the second week of schools being back.

We (me and DC and P) stay with MIL, DC Grandmother. She had part of a lung removed in early March for lung cancer. Multidisciplinary team are considering radiotherapy. She also has heart problems. Still in her 60s.

I'm extremely wary of sending DC back to school, so I didn't. I emailed their schools, which was received as I got a reply from both, the high school one saying they'll be in contact.

I've had a couple of phone calls from a withheld number yesterday and today but I'm WFH so was busy.

Door knocked earlier, was working so didn't answer. Again just now. I don't usually answer unless I'm expecting someone (door faces onto street and get a lot of sellers and religion people).

Looked out the window as they were leaving and my eldest DC recognised them as the Social Justice manager of their school.

What is this all about ??

Am I in some kind of trouble ??

Why would a school do this ??

I'm going to phone them up tomorrow but just wondered why they would be knocking my door ??

On a more practical note, go to Enquire.org.uk for some proper independent advice relevant to Scotland. They have a phoneline you could use to get personal advice on what to expect before you contact the school

Aaahhh the magic cure for social anxiety, who knew?

There isn't one. So yeah, you find a way that works, because most people are reasonable

Why keep on kicking once the OP has been told. Why does it HAVE to be your way or no way.

The OP clearly knows that she needs to call the school now. The other school's different response obviously gave her a false sense of people being treated humanely.

Maybe you need to look at other ways to manage the risk. Eg. dc wears a mask at school; comes home at lunch and sits alone in school? This would minimise risk but would also be a bit miserable for them!

@ktp100

As an aside, don't allow yourself to be bullied here. There is a lot of pro-school rhetoric due to people wanting/needing to go back to work and/or not being arsed to home school over lockdown.

Plenty of kids do great out of home schooling and there are great online school platforms.

Do what YOU think is best for YOUR family.

Shit can get real bitchy here if you don't go with the majority, unfortunately.x.

OP doesn't want to home educate her DC though, she just wants to keep them off school till she assesses the covid situation.

OP I don't blame the way you feel and you trying to keep your family safe but you must communicate better with the school. Give them a call tomorrow and get it sorted before you're reported to ss and it escalates beyond what it needs to.

@clapshot

Oh get lost *@InDeoEstMeaFiducia*.

This isn't a situation of just not being bothered to send in the DC. It's an unprecedented situation.

I've already said my anxiety is not affecting this decision. My GP is well aware of my anxiety and has no concerns.

I can only imagine how the authorities feel. That was meant to be helpful. You want it all ways and the school might not be willing to play ball with picking and choosing when you send your kids in if they are over-subscribed and have people on the waiting list, but you won't know until you engage with them. You can tell me off you all you want, but you can't get rid of them as easily because they're doing their jobs and they obviously have concerns (because you're not engaging with them).

Guess it's pointless to ask how 'fair' you'd feel it all was if you were also paying high rent in the same area but your wean was on the wait list and you found out some people were not sending their kids in for a month or more but still wanted the council to hold the place and not offer it to those who are waiting and want to take up the place now . Doesn't seem very 'fair' at all.

Being chippy isn't going to curry any favours with them.

@Monkeynuts18

No, they can't. They have to go in.

OP, I've commented upthread also.... I have GAD and PTSD, I have huge anxiety on answering phones but guess what I force myself too, especially when any calls coming into my phone are highly likely to be something to do with my DC.

As for the door, get a chain across it but just ignoring it is weird..... Do you not ever wonder who it it/was? That would play on my anxiety more I think.

That’s not the case in England any more. Unless there is a medical reason for the child (with evidence from medical teams) then from when the term starts normal attendance expectations are back in place. If someone wants to home Ed that’s fine and their choice but they have to deregister from the school

But the OP is not in England she’s in Scotland.

@clapshot 4% of Scottish children have not returned to school which is a heck of a lot of children. We have sent ds back but have plans to take him out, probably temporarily, if the numbers start rising which I’m sure they will. My DH is vulnerable. Work with the school and I’m sure arrangements can be made. I don’t know which region you are in but in most areas, if they are in their catchment school they won’t lose their place. Phone the school in the morning and sort it all out.

School should have left a voicemail asking you to call back
My OH never answers the phone to unknown numbers

I used to be the worst one for unknown numbers but the only calls I get from unknown numbers are from schools, doctors and my psych unit. So if its unknown its highly likely to be important. All my dodgy calls are invariably mobile or 08 or 03 numbers.

They won't leave a voicemail in case they have the wrong number listed.

I do answer all phone calls whether anxious or not if the DC are not with me, in case it's something to do with them, but if they are sitting right here - no.

I'll call them tomorrow and hope for the best.

The other school was understanding of the risks so I'm hoping they will be too. I doubt it though. Doesn't sound like it.

Not everyone is as strong as some who've commented lambasting me. It's a new situation and there is huge risk for us as a family. Of course that worries me. And not being a good communicator, I guess I've hoped email would be enough and avoided them because I know I'll get flustered or stutter etc.

It's an absolute nightmare for those with underlying health issues.

"Here is a pool full of deadly sharks. It is very unlikely that your child will avoid these sharks and we can't guarantee the results won't be fatal. However you MUST throw your child into the pool as it is vital that they learn to swim!"

I'm scared out of my mind due to his past medical history!

OP if your MIL is willing to take the risk for the sake of her grandchildren's education, it's really only your anxiety that's stopping them from going to school now.

Personally, I think any decent person would be willing to either take the risk or sort out alternative living arrangements so that their young family members could have a life and an education.
To insist others have a lesser life because of one's own health conditions? That's self centred to the point of abuse, in my opinion.

I wouldn't say lambasting you OP, it's frustration because you don't seem to grasp the safe guarding concern or why they won't have emailed and then you ignored the door.

I get you probably don't have much to do with school but safeguarding, data protection etc especially after this lock down, is so huge nowadays that you are coming across as detached from reality.

In all honesty, why did you think they'd turned up?

@Annierose293

Mee too!

All I would want would be compulsory masks for all. No point in just vulnerable kids wearing them, they don't protect the wearer.

But people are too selfish and the government doesn't care.

I will ask again, why can’t your kids see their friends at a distance? When can they?

I actually haven’t seen many people telling the OP she should be sending her child to school. Certainly I haven’t. But since the law is that she should be in school, it’s unsurprising that the school are checking on her welfare, given the circumstances. OP, you asked what these calls and visit could be about, and people have told you, and advised on how to engage. You still have the chance to explain more to the school and agree a way to keep your daughter out of school; but you must see now that you have to engage beyond your initial email.

OP are you being deliberately obtuse? Did I read correctly? Did you actually say that the school should speak to your kids’ friends if they want to know how they are.? Have you ever heard of child abuse? Do you really think it’s OK for a child to be removed from school, and attempts at contacting the parents unsuccessful, for the school to say “hey Jake, is your mate Tom OK? Yes? Ah ok that’s fine then”?!!

And why do you think you’ve got to right to hang on to a space in an oversubscribed school but not use it, and keep it open-ended while you see how things go?

You come across as someone who thinks you can pick and choose which bits of society you fancy getting involved with, and which rules you feel like following. Nice to see that you’re happy to have free school dinners though - no problem with government institutions when it comes to that!

You’ve wasted the time of people having to track you down, and in doing so you may have prevented them getting to other kids in genuine need. Just engage with services and don’t think you’re too special to comply.

@ktp100

As an aside, don't allow yourself to be bullied here. There is a lot of pro-school rhetoric due to people wanting/needing to go back to work and/or not being arsed to home school over lockdown.

Plenty of kids do great out of home schooling and there are great online school platforms.

Do what YOU think is best for YOUR family.

Shit can get real bitchy here if you don't go with the majority, unfortunately.x.

This is not about pro-school rhetoric. Good teachers are and have been worried about certain pupils, they will also be aware that children can go under the radar unknowingly.

I for one am very reassured that this particular school is taking it seriously, it is a shame that the other one doesn't seem to be. Yes your DC are ok, but the next one might not be, you have to "play" along to protect the child that does need protecting.

I'd imagine this is a role which in other schools may be called Pastoral Support or Family Support and that they are coming to check that all is Ok and encourage your DC back to school .

@Mintychoc1

I'm not being obtuse. If MIL who lives with us gets this virus, it will not be good news. I would like the option to homeschool for a while, without losing their place. That would be the best option for our family.

I don't get what is so wrong with that.

Oh, and we don't get free meals anymore due to both working now, I see right through your attitude with your free school meals bashing .

I can only assume you are ignoring my question!

"If you don't want your children to attend you need to deregister them otherwise the school will pursue the absence."

Wow that's a massive jump. Firstly shes Scotland. Do they even fine in Scotland? They dont in Wales, so dont think you can jump to telling her to deregister.

That's really disgusting to stereotype people who need to claim free school meals. You should be ashamed of yourself.

The bullying on this thread is vile. You definitely need to get back to work too long without be required to behave in socially acceptable manner.

@Nicknacky

I can only assume you are ignoring my question!

About their friends??

They've met up with friends outdoors a few times already.

I hardly think meeting a couple of friends occasionally outdoors is the same as spending hours most days in packed classrooms.