School 'Social Justice manager' knocking on my door. Confused. Why ??

[clapshot]

I'm in Scotland. So this is the second week of schools being back.

We (me and DC and P) stay with MIL, DC Grandmother. She had part of a lung removed in early March for lung cancer. Multidisciplinary team are considering radiotherapy. She also has heart problems. Still in her 60s.

I'm extremely wary of sending DC back to school, so I didn't. I emailed their schools, which was received as I got a reply from both, the high school one saying they'll be in contact.

I've had a couple of phone calls from a withheld number yesterday and today but I'm WFH so was busy.

Door knocked earlier, was working so didn't answer. Again just now. I don't usually answer unless I'm expecting someone (door faces onto street and get a lot of sellers and religion people).

Looked out the window as they were leaving and my eldest DC recognised them as the Social Justice manager of their school.

What is this all about ??

Am I in some kind of trouble ??

Why would a school do this ??

I'm going to phone them up tomorrow but just wondered why they would be knocking my door ??

My mum lives with my sisters family.
She is very frail with COPD, diabetes and asthma. She is my Mum and I adore her.

She would not hear of her grandchildren missing a day of their education and has insisted that they go to school as usual.
Your MIL is clearly very poorly and could pass away with or without catching covid.

I'm so sorry but as awful as it sounds if I was in your position I would not sacrifice my DCs education, friendships and mental health.

The school are doing their job properly by trying to safeguard your DC.

I’m clearly ignorant because I thought children who are clinically vulnerable or who live with people who are clinically vulnerable could continue to do home learning (by prior agreement with the school).

In the circumstances, I’m not at all surprised they turned up at your door. And social justice manager is a weird title.

@ktp100 it's different here. We need to ask the LEA for permission to home educate. I know I can't have it all my own way, but I don't want them to lose their places in school because MIL would likely die from COVID (not dramatic, she has about 5 of the big risk factors). Their school is oversubscribed and they likely wouldn't get back in. We struggle and pay a high rent so they can go to a decent school. I do value it, but I also value health.

I don't think it's fair. I suppose I was just hoping for more time, to see if the no-mitigation approach changes.

clapshot, it doesn’t matter what you’ve told the school they have to see DC for themselves. How many times have schools or social workers been vilified for allowing themselves to be fobbed off.

@clapshot

Mine did too, I managed to lock myself in the bathroom.

Some people don't understand the level of anxiety and fear. That doesn't invalidate it. In my experience Schools and other professionals will accommodate mental health needs by using email. They will have communicated with you for years in that manner, when it suits them.

So in respect of your social anxiety, please don't take the ignorance on here personally.

In respect of the kids I think maybe you have been a little naive. I know my kids schools, I know that legally I have no choice. All I can do is assess what is reasonable day to day. At the moment levels are low.

Much love to you. It must be so awful right now

Why can’t your children go out and see friends and keep their distance?

No school and no seeing friends, that’s tough on them.

You need to send them to school or formally deregister them- ie tell the authorities they will not be taking that place and you will be educating them yourself.

Absolutely this. You can’t just decide to keep them off for as long as you feel like.

OP, speak to the school. I'm sure they will be understanding about your concerns and help you figure something out.

As others have said it was probably a welfare check if you haven't already been contacted while the schools off. All of the parents at DDs school had a phone call from the teacher who wanted to speak to the child to make sure everything is ok.

Schools play a really important role making sure kids don't fall through the net - they were probably just checking in on your DC and their situation, as they will have been doing with all of the children.

I feel your pain Op and I would definitely look into getting a ring door bell as it allows you to see who is at the door from your phone. YANBU and I would feel hounded I’m your position. But I would contact them straight away just to get it over with. It’s terrible that in 2020 that we can’t do what we think is best for our kids without being called crazy and overboard.💐

Op, I’m sorry you are facing so much judgement on this thread. It’s a terrible position you have been placed in (the choice of keeping your children off or jeopardising your MIL). I also understand not answering the door. Yes, you’ll need to engage with the school but I do think there was always meant to be some flexibility for families with clinically extremely vulnerable family members and I think the current approach is inhumane. I hope that you don’t need to deregister and it unfortunate (and probably discriminatory) that families such as yours are being placed in the position of having to go off roll in order to safeguard vulnerable relatives.

@chickenyhead

Much love to you too .

Yes, I suppose I have been a bit naive. My other child's school basically said yes ok then to the email.

I had no idea about any of these policies.

No judgement OP. You are doing your best for your family... some will agree and some won’t but all will understand where you’re coming from I think. With the school it is about communication. I think it would help if you were the one in control so either email them or call them. Explain that you have received phone calls from an unknown number and someone unknown to you has called to the house while you have been working therefore you have not managed to make contact. Ask that if they phone they email you to make and appointment and if they wish actual contact to give you information about the person you will be meeting and explain you would rather it be held in the garden.
These are extraordinary times and if you don’t want your children in school explain the reasons and see what they say. If it gets too much say you will think and discuss with your dp there’s no need to commit on the spot.
No idea what a social justice manager is so can’t help there sorry

I understand

I've been told I'd die if I got COVID. So I'm deregistering my children. I'm in a fortunate position. It's sad. But we've got the most understanding school ever.

I wish you all the best!

I guess I just never realised before how little agency I have in my own Children's lives. I wouldn't have thought that since I sent an email, a teenager with no previous social work involvement or concerns would be such a concern to them so quickly.

Well... it is a legal requirement for THEM to be in full time education of one form or another (you don’t have any choice in that). THEY have a human right to an education, and you can’t override that. In addition the school owes THEM a duty of care (not you - them). I know it’s a bit galling because all that stuff kind of got forgotten about over the last 6 months, but it’s still true. So from that point of view you have limited agency. You get to choose when, where and how they are educated (within certain parameters and by observing necessary processes) but you don’t get to choose whether or not their education happens at all.

As others have said, look at it from their POV. The email could have been sent by anyone. Your teenager could have nicked your phone and sent it. An abusive partner of yours could have sent it. Or someone grooming and abusing your teenager could have sent it (you’ve probably read about what grooming gangs do). So all they get is an email purporting to be from you saying your child won’t be coming back, then you don’t answer the phone or answer the door. Surely you can see why that set alarm bells ringing? I’m pleased they are following up to be honest - someone’s doing their job properly.

Does your MIL want the kids to miss school on her account, OP?

@clapshot
I don't think it's fair. I suppose I was just hoping for more time, to see if the no-mitigation approach changes.

I don't understand this. Speak to the school and I'm sure they can sort something out. I'm sure they will be understanding once you have spoken to them.

Just tell them your child is a school refuser, ask for help to get them back to school or from the home school liaison officer...you won't hear hide nor hair from them again!

Some people don't understand the level of anxiety and fear.

Plenty of people do, but also recognise that when it becomes so bad your kids wind up with the school doing welfare checks, that you, the adult, have to do something about it because it's effecting them.

And no, it doesn't have to be formal school as in they go into the building, but you have to prove you are adequately homeschooling them to a recognised standard (at least, you have to prove this in Scotland).

And no, you cannot pick and choose, it costs the council money to maintain a place for a child in a formal school setting, if you don't need it, they shouldn't have to waste money paying for it and another child who's on the waiting list and who wants to attend should be offered the place, it is not at all 'fair' to expect to reserve a school place for as and when you would like it.

It's not optional to just email with the school as this point. Their duty of care is not to dance around the adult's social anxiety, it's to the children.

It may mean, however, the OP has to elect either homeschooling htem for the rest of the year or the children need to take up their place or it needs to be offered to other children on the waiting list since the school is over-subscribed.

You really need to contact a GP about the anxiety. It's in everyone's best interests.

@Spookathon.

No. She doesn't get involved really. However, her surgery was with the view to a cure for her cancer not just palliative and she is only in her 60s.

You need to take a deep breath and get in contact with the school first thing, via telephone.

They can't deal with you over letters and emails only.

They are just trying to do their job, which involves safeguarding. There are many ways a child (and she is still a child in the eyes of the law) could be being abused or neglected, not just hunger.

It's not that you don't have time to answer the phone repeatedly - at least I hope not, because that would indicate that you definitely don't have time to homeschool DD15. She can't learn properly from reading a textbook alone unsupervised.

Of course they have phoned next of kin when they couldn't get hold of you. perfectly reasonable action.

They don't know about your anxiety or abuse history - so it's not a surprise that they think it's reasonable for you to answer the phone or the door. You knew they would be getting in touch, you should have been expecting their call and endeavoured to take it, no matter how many nuisance calls you accidentally answer in the process. If you cannot answer the phone or door as a result of anxiety and you do not tell the school that this is why then I'm sorry but it's perfectly reasonable for them to escalate and you may well have a much bigger problem trying to appease the police and social services.

Do your best to be proactive and co-operate as of right now. I suspect dealing with the police and SS will be much worse for your anxiety than dealing with the social justice manager from school.

A logical thing would be to install a peep hole into the door so you can look before opening... You don't need to open the door to answer. You could get cheap intercom too. There are ways to sort everything so people can function as closed to normal as possible.

Ask yourself this. If you worked at school and you would know that lockdown was very bad for DV and then you would get an email that x child is not coming back because of shielding person and then your calls wouldn't be answered, nor would the door. What would you think?

Oh get lost @InDeoEstMeaFiducia.

This isn't a situation of just not being bothered to send in the DC. It's an unprecedented situation.

I've already said my anxiety is not affecting this decision. My GP is well aware of my anxiety and has no concerns.

I am sorry OP but your 15 year old should not miss school after so much time out, they need to catch up on their schooling. Doing a few hours from some textbooks will not replace being taught in school. At secondary they also need specialist teachers so a bit of a helping hand from your sil who is on maternity leave will not cut it. I am not surprised the school has been trying to speak to you. Avoiding calls and answering the door is not the right way to go.

[quote clapshot]@ktp100 it's different here. We need to ask the LEA for permission to home educate. I know I can't have it all my own way, but I don't want them to lose their places in school because MIL would likely die from COVID (not dramatic, she has about 5 of the big risk factors). Their school is oversubscribed and they likely wouldn't get back in. We struggle and pay a high rent so they can go to a decent school. I do value it, but I also value health.

I don't think it's fair. I suppose I was just hoping for more time, to see if the no-mitigation approach changes.[/quote]
But you don’t know if you can have more time or not as you haven’t answered their calls or the door.
I hope now you can accept why they won’t deal with you over email and after missed calls probably want to speak to you face to face to make sure everything is ok.
I am quite shocked that you had no idea why someone identified by your child as working at the school came to your house. And why you didn’t let them in once you knew who they were.
For me this has red flags all over it. It I was safeguarding lead at the school I’d be very concerned.
Also their not going to speak to their friends - I can only imagine the complaints about breaching your privacy. They need to speak to a responsible adult not a child with second hand knowledge!