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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask the mask police to please PLEASE stop

984 replies

PennyDreadfuI · 19/08/2020 12:58

Another mask thread but I'm not going to apologise because I'm absolutely at the end of my tether with this sort of thing.

I can't wear a mask because I have trigeminal neuralgia and I've lost count of the stares, comments and filthy looks I've had (and yes, I do wear a lanyard, even though I'm not keen on advertising the fact that I have a hidden health condition). I've heard of people not being allowed on buses, being challenged by staff to explain their reason for exemption and being told they can't enter shops despite being exempt (none of which is legal). I've been told I should wear a visor (I can't, and they're next to useless anyway - Scotland have just banned them unless they're worn with a mask), that I should just stay at home (I can't and neither do government guidelines suggest I should), that I shouldn't use buses (I don't drive and can't walk long distances or cycle because I have inflammatory arthritis) and that I'm selfish (I'm not - if I could wear a mask, I would).

I understand this is a contentious issue but please, can people just think for a minute before they judge or comment? Exemptions are there for a reason - those who are sticklers for The Rules should surely accept and respect this one, too. It's awful that people are too scared to go out for fear of what's essentially discrimination.

The pandemic is bad enough by itself - let's not lose our sense of empathy and humanity, too.

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17
minnieok · 20/08/2020 09:20

On the train yesterday about 1/3 of people didn't wear masks, all but one of these were under 25 ish. The train manager was told categorically by the group of young people they were exempted and he had no right to ask why. I was a few rows away and heard everything.

Because people refuse to wear masks and there's no official letter to exempt people then we the public are not sure who should be wearing one. It's been clear all along the cloth mask protects others not us so person x not wearing one puts me at risk but they are being protected from me because I'm wearing one.

The government needs to arrange for drs to issue a card to genuinely exempt people (moderate asthma, copd etc is not necessarily a reason not to wear one) and everyone else is enforced otherwise just get rid of them for the rest of us. It's pointless me being uncomfortable for hours with lots of unmasked people, they really hurt my skin, painful.

minnieok · 20/08/2020 09:22

And anyone can buy a lanyard too, it needs to have an official badge or it's pointless

Hotcuppatea · 20/08/2020 09:23

I suspect that if you drew a Venn diagram with people who judged others who didn't do the NHS clap and people who are now judging those who don't wear masks, there would be a massive overlap in the middle.

I would label this part of the diagram 'Self righteous cunts'.

Original poster
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 09:26

@topeeornottopeeisneveranoption

Tbh as much as I feel for anyone that struggles with wearing a mask, there does seem to be people that will use the most minimal excuse to not wear one. Other countries manage to enforce this without any issue. By not wearing a mask not only are you at risk but so are other people around you. Saying it's unfair to stop people going to the shops that Have disabilities etc is also ridiculous. We are being told to wear masks due to a virus that can kill you. Not because somebody woke up one morning and thought' I know what would be a laugh let's make the whole of the UK wear masks for no reason other than to discriminate against people that can't wear them.' The situation is shit for a lot of people but it is not something that you can blame on a government or a group of people. The ones that complain to others not complying are probably just as scared as everyone else. For all you know they have a friend or relative that is extremely vulnerable, they themselves could be. It's a hard situation but we all just have to do our part to get through this as soon as possible the less people wearing masks the longer they are going to be required as the level of virus won't be able to deplete as fast as everyone wants it to.
Other countries either have exemptions, too.

And of course it's unfair to suggest that those who are exempt shouldn't go places where masks are required. We still have to go to work and we have other commitments, too, often ones which require the use of public transport. We're not shielding so we are not required to stay at home/not go to work.

And also how do you know that people ar using the most minimal excuses not to wear one? Please don't tell me you've challenged people.

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Original poster
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 09:27

*are using

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doityourselfnow · 20/08/2020 09:28

@Hotcuppatea good point well made!

Cadent · 20/08/2020 09:34

None of this computes, in my very big town, lots of people aren't wearing masks and no one bats an eye lid. Yes, I judge them internally (whilst knowing some genuinely can't wear one) but wouldn't dream of saying anything. Where are people meeting all these covigilantes. Bizarre.

Original poster
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 09:34

On the train yesterday about 1/3 of people didn't wear masks, all but one of these were under 25 ish

What's their age got to do with it? This is exactly what I mean about judgement. Hidden disabilities/PTSD/health conditions can happen at any age. And they were absolutely right - the train guard can 'remind' people to wear a mask but he can't ask for proof or deny travel.

Whether the government should issue official exemption cards or not is neither here nor there. The rules currently state that no proof is required and nobody should be challenged so why can't people just respect that? Ironically it's the same ones who are such sticklers for following the guidelines to the letter that are ignoring this particular part of them. And probably the same ones who interpret the rules as they fancy, too (the buy an Easter egg = kill your granny types).

Respect the rules entirely or not at all - don't cherry pick to suit your narrative.

And if masks cause you pain, incidentally, you're probably exempt too.

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Cadent · 20/08/2020 09:36

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras bus drivers don't wear masks which means that surely you can't get on a bus at all, by your rationale?

bus drivers are hidden behind perspex and shop staff are exempt.

Original poster
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 09:36

@Cadent

None of this computes, in my very big town, lots of people aren't wearing masks and no one bats an eye lid. Yes, I judge them internally (whilst knowing some genuinely can't wear one) but wouldn't dream of saying anything. Where are people meeting all these covigilantes. Bizarre.
This week I've encountered them at Asda, Lidl, on three separate bus journeys and in my local large shopping centre. And it's only Thursday morning.

Not even counting the ones who I've 'met' online you freely admit to judging others.

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Shesingsshangrila · 20/08/2020 09:37

@Hotcuppatea 100%

Cadent · 20/08/2020 09:38

I've noticed that those wearing masks are all too happy to push past me in shops and reach right past me to get stuff of shelves - ironically often while glaring at me.

Bit of a sweeping generalisation, and judgement against those who wear masks.

topeeornottopeeisneveranoption · 20/08/2020 09:40

To answer your question, no I have not 'challenged' anyone and nor would I. However the masks are there to protect not only you but those around you. It's all over Mumsnet, people saying why they feel they should not wear a mask down to things such as, my baby doesn't like it if I wear one, that it's clear people are using any excuse they can not to. To keep those that absolutely cannot wear masks safe during these times the majority of people need to be wearing them other wise the whole exercise is pointless.

Cadent · 20/08/2020 09:40

Not even counting the ones who I've 'met' online you freely admit to judging others.

You're being disingenuous, when I go into a supermarket and see half the people not wearing masks, I highly doubt that all 50% can't wear a mask. So yes I do judge that. Especially those who have the mask hanging around their neck. That doesn't mean I judge people who genuinely can't wear a mask, my mum is disabled I totally understand not everyone can wear one.

Original poster
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 09:42

@Cadent

I've noticed that those wearing masks are all too happy to push past me in shops and reach right past me to get stuff of shelves - ironically often while glaring at me.

Bit of a sweeping generalisation, and judgement against those who wear masks.

Not a sweeping generalisation - I didn't say 'everyone who wears masks does this everywhere'. I said that that's what's happened to me, and it has.
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QueenofmyPrinces · 20/08/2020 09:43

Not at all. I have a hidden disability. I'm used to changing my behaviour so that I don't impact other people, I really don't see why this is any different. I struggle walking downstairs so I step back and wait until everyone else has gone before I go down. I don't get there first and then hold up a train full of passengers by blocking the staircase as I limp down. From this thread though I'm seeing that I'm wrong for doing that. I should just take my time, not worry about anyone else and then come here for sympathy when people tut at me

So how do you suggest non-mask wearers change their behaviour in order to not impact on others?

Cadent · 20/08/2020 09:45

I also think lots of people forget. I've forgotten to wear a mask in Tesco 3-4 times now and have never been challenged. I put it on as soon as I remember, but even the supermarket staff don't monitor at anymore. (They only did in the first week or so).

This is why I take threads like these with a pinch of salt.

Original poster
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 09:46

@Cadent

Not even counting the ones who I've 'met' online you freely admit to judging others.

You're being disingenuous, when I go into a supermarket and see half the people not wearing masks, I highly doubt that all 50% can't wear a mask. So yes I do judge that. Especially those who have the mask hanging around their neck. That doesn't mean I judge people who genuinely can't wear a mask, my mum is disabled I totally understand not everyone can wear one.

People who have them hanging around their neck may be doing their best by wearing their mask for as long as they can before they need respite. And given that there are 14m disabled people in the country and many millions more with other health conditions/PTSD etc, and a large proportion of these will be unable to wear a mask, it's not unreasonable that many on your supermarket trip may be exempt. So no, I don't think I'm being disingenuous at all.

Perhaps it's best not to immediately think the worst of people. Even if only half of those you saw with masks were genuinely exempt, you're still tarring everybody with the same brush.

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Cadent · 20/08/2020 09:46

Not a sweeping generalisation - I didn't say 'everyone who wears masks does this everywhere'. I said that that's what's happened to me, and it has.

So everyone who wears masks pushes past you and glares at you. Right.

yellowsubmarines · 20/08/2020 09:47

I can't wear a mask due to a medical reason but I have avoided going out for fear of being challenged and people becoming agressive. What are we suppose to say when Joe Blogs approaches 'Why aren't you wearing a mask?' I don't want to list out my medical history to every random stranger that approaches me and I don't want confrontation.

Original poster
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 09:49

@Cadent

Not a sweeping generalisation - I didn't say 'everyone who wears masks does this everywhere'. I said that that's what's happened to me, and it has.

So everyone who wears masks pushes past you and glares at you. Right.

This is what I said:

I've noticed that those wearing masks are all too happy to push past me in shops and reach right past me to get stuff of shelves - ironically often while glaring at me

I did not say 'everyone who wears masks' pushes past me. I said people with masks on do.

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Cadent · 20/08/2020 09:49

@PennyDreadfuI

You are sounding like the thought police. As mentioned, I would never say anything to anyone not wearing a mask. If I want to judge them internally, surely that's my business? You don't need to tell me about disabilities, I have disabled family members who get enough grief about having a BB.

Original poster
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 09:51

@yellowsubmarines it's awful that so many people feel this way. I have no choice but to use public transport but I hate every second of it.

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Original poster
PennyDreadfuI · 20/08/2020 09:52

[quote Cadent]@PennyDreadfuI

You are sounding like the thought police. As mentioned, I would never say anything to anyone not wearing a mask. If I want to judge them internally, surely that's my business? You don't need to tell me about disabilities, I have disabled family members who get enough grief about having a BB.[/quote]
'thought police'

Okay 😂

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PhilSwagielka · 20/08/2020 09:53

@Cadent

None of this computes, in my very big town, lots of people aren't wearing masks and no one bats an eye lid. Yes, I judge them internally (whilst knowing some genuinely can't wear one) but wouldn't dream of saying anything. Where are people meeting all these covigilantes. Bizarre.
Me too, I see people without masks all the time and no one gets arsey at them. Maybe it’s cos I live in a city, IDK.